Posted by gum232 on January 10th, 2014 |Filed Under ME |
I thought I’d go ahead and share this with you. As I went across the state of Tn speaking as the reigning state queen! the theme for the Fall tallies was Under the Sea. I put my life in perspective and related it to that topic. This is what I wrote about a week out of surgery one morning when I was too uncomfortable to sleep. Please enjoy and hopefully be inspired.
Under the sea
For many years of my life I felt as though I were drowning.
Maybe some of you had similar dreams.
I kept trying to swim to the top but could never get there.
I had this humongous weight, this pressure, that built and built surrounding me yet keeping me still as life passed me by, compared to that sunken treasure chest under the weight and through the murkiness of the water.
Roughly thirty years passed where I was that wreckage at the bottom of the ocean waiting to be found, sitting on the couch waiting for the excess weight to magically disappear.
How I got there?
Well, generally I never wanted to be there, but somehow allowed myself through life circumstances to be buried alive.
Poor choices, made often, repeatedly didn’t help matters, or literally, my matter, my weight, at all.
Like many things that are lost at sea, the value and worth will vary depending on who finds it, who values it, the condition in which it is found, the history and sometimes even where the treasure is found.
Many years passed where I stayed stagnant, swaying ever so slightly with the current trend, the various waves of diet plans, methods and variety of hope for that magic trick to make me lose weight and have that “normal” body.
At times the water that covered me, as that sunken treasure, I would watch life go by through activities of others and most sadly through the lives of my daughters.
I could watch through that murky water but couldn’t do anything with them and seemingly nothing to be rescued from my condition. How many of you are the official photographer of your family? At gatherings etc. because you don’t want to be in that picture, much less be the background.
I made my own treasure map!
After allowing so many years to pass me by I figured out that somehow, some way, that the only way that I was going to find myself, my value, my worth,was to follow a treasure map planned and laid out for me and only me.
As a member of TOPS for several years, and having experienced losses and gains over decades of “dieting” I now declare that I have earned my title as Heather Gum, P.D. (Professional Dieter).
I knew all the reasons, methods, tricks, and yes the cheats, of attempting to lose excess pounds.
Had that gotten me anywhere successfully?
On that treasure map there were many places I circled, and circled, and yep, circled again, until stumbling into a new pathway of hope which all would lead me back to where I started, unfortunately.
Most of these paths weren’t wasted entirely because that was where experience and life lessons were learned.
Maybe that’s why when I returned to point “A”, or “You are here” on the map, oftentimes I was even heavier than where I began-I was weighed down with more knowledge.
All that circling around eventually lead me in the right direction.
Did I want to give up?
For sure I did.
The trigger for me, as my children were growing was my obvious inability to participate with them.
One plan was a trip to Europe through Girl Scouts. Me on a plane? Yeah right? NOT! That was not going to happen.
My job, I would stand in front of children daily reciting the 4-H Pledge …pledging my health to better living…. Whoaaa, who was I kidding? Myself!
Opportunities came and went due to my physical limitations, which lead to my emotional and mental restrictions as well.
I didn’t want to be the obstacle of attention, the brunt of jokes, and the ultimate worse, the end of that sweet little precious pointing finger of innocent children which would curiously, and comically, point at me in disbelief or humor.
My treasure map lead me in a path to learn to eat healthy through a nutritional program outside of TOPS.
I was taught what to feed my body, with food combinations and through weighting my portions for my body to generally melt away the excess weight.
Nutritionally I got the guidance I needed and accountability with one-on-one consultation bi-weekly, on top of attending my weekly TOPS meeting for yet more accountability.
I needed to have the camaraderie of others struggling with weight issues as well.
So as you can see my treasure map has many years of wear and tear on it.
The edges are rough and the permanent.
The best thing about it all….. Once I finally unfolded my map and started following the right path…. Is that I finally followed the right directions for my body and found my treasure. ME!
I am the treasure.
After decades of searching, I finally found the most valuable treasure, the most irreplaceable treasure in finding ME!
I am no longer hidden in that murky water on the sidelines watching life, but I am on land, with my feet firm, living the best life in a valuable body, with a worth more valuable than all the riches in the world.
I am Doing it for Me!
I found my treasure map.
Unfold your map completely and find your treasure- YOU!