What a blessing it is to be alive today. I was so very fortunate to not have any severe health scare to finally “make” me wise up to lose weight. At my maximum recorded weight I tipped the scales at 367.5 pounds. I won’t do all the comparisons of weight but that’s a lot of sticks of butter! It’s also about 45 gallons of milk! Wow! That brings it into perspective. I have lost 170 pounds – over 21 gallons of that milk is GONE!!
So today, here I am two days away from the flying to California for what will surely be a life changing experience. Since I have lost weight it seems that there are numerous things that I notice, countless events that have altered my life, my views and my beliefs. I see differently now with an open mind and deep appreciation. My relationship with God has been increased beyond measure. My relationship with myself has changed to where I really like ME now. I am comfortable with who I am and the person that I’ve become. Excess weight and now excess skin, does not make me the person that I am but has made my attitude and outlook different for sure. After unsuccessfully attempting to lose weight more times than I can even tally, I have found victory in “Doing it for ME!” I have put myself first and foremost which I never did before. It sounds selfish but it’s not. By focusing on my health – mental, physical and emotional, my value and worth have improved tremendously, in turn, my family is better off because I am obviously more capable to do things with them and have increased my life expectancy by years if not decades.
Monday with my traveling companion, Trish Marshall, we will get to Los Angeles, California and meander to Rancho Mirage to settle into our home away from home for over 2 weeks. On Tuesday I will have a consultation with Dr. Andrew Ordon. (If you don’t already know a quick update: I sent my story into The Doctors; they contacted me and after numerous emails, calls, pictures, and details, I appeared on an episode “Skin: Feed It, Fix It, Tuck It” where I was the feature guest on the “Tuck It” segment; I was generously offered his service for corrective surgery to remove excess skin.) Wednesday, July 31, 2013 I will have corrective surgery. It is corrective, not cosmetic. The excess skin is as mentally debilitating as the excess weight was physically debilitating. It’s not for vanity but for functionality.
Today as I was getting dressed I was more aware of my routine, thinking about not having to do this anymore. I have done this for so long it’s just habit now. First off when I take a shower my arms flop and sway as I’m washing my hair – that will be “fixed”. Then I have to lift the excess skin on my stomach to be able to get clean – that will be “fixed” too. Trivial maybe to others, but it will be life changing for my daily routine and hard to even imagine not having those problems hanging around any longer. Back to my routine, so you can get an idea of my layers and tucking – hiding of the truth if I dare say. Panties are an obvious. They are put on after powdering under my flap/apron of skin. Next I will put a little powder in my hands and rub my upper arms. I will then put on what I refer to as my sleeves. This wonderful invention has changed my life and my self confidence by constricting the excess skin on my arms into a more firm, fit, contoured shape. I will then pull up the bra and adjust my breasts to look as “normal” as I can. After my arms and breasts are neatly tucked away, I can then step into my waist high girdle. This is pulled up to meet my bra. Then I adjust the skin on my stomach and legs of the girdle that go down mid-thigh. Next I put on a tight fitting tank top and adjust the excess skin under my armpits, on my sides, to be more contoured to not show under clothes with the sides of my bra and the tank. Finally I can get dressed. Whew…… this is not an easy task but makes me more mentally capable to face the world, if even at home.
The reality comes back, no matter how I look and my self-confidence level, every time that I have to use the restroom. I have to tuck, shove and adjust my stomach back into hiding. At bedtime I am continually reminded of my past as the layers come off one by one. The truth comes back, maybe not to everyone else but to me. No one ever warned me of the remnants that would be left after losing a lot of weight. It’s disheartening to think about all the others out there that are living with the excess skin condition I have, much less if it’s worse than or not as bad as mine. I know that the girdling is giving me a false self-confidence to get through the day but it has prevented rashes and back pain that I have heard come with the weight of the skin “hanging” around and shaking about during the day.
I wanted to share my experience as my story, my journey, is an open book. If my situations can be of assistance, guidance, encouragement or inspiration to others I feel humbled to be the vessel to do so, a way that I can give back and pay it forward. I completely give God the credit for getting me to this point and beyond. Truly I am holding on for the ride not knowing where this will take me. Another chapter of my life is about to begin….
What chapter are you on? Are you living your life for God? Are you making excuses for not eating right and treating your body like God has intended for us to be able to serve him? To serve others? It took me “weigh” too long to figure it out and I am appreciative for the opportunities that have happened and those that are before me. Don’t “weight” too long to figure out that you control your own weight. No one else is feeding you. Only you have the ability to make the changes that are beneficial for your body. Love yourself. YOU are Worthy! I have been, and will continue to be “Doing it for ME!”