Posted by gum232 on June 11th, 2013 |Filed Under ME |
Well today I got some news that was really quite crushing. Actually the email came last night but I didn’t have the opportunity to check it till this afternoon. My surgery, again, is postponed and will have to be rescheduled. I am a believer that everything happens for a reason. I have been very upset today trying to figure out the circumstance. It will all be okay some how, some way, some day. I really want to be rational and keep positive about the situation. Something that was weird, especially for me, was that all I wanted to do was to go walking. It wasn’t possible at the time.
My 5 mile talk with God today was good when i got. Home. I probably was certifiable if someone had been around. I talked out loud as I walked a couple miles. Lots of things going through my mind evaluating my life from different points of views and praying earnestly about lots of aspects. Did anything get resolved? I am more at peace. Yes I am still upset to a point but trying my best to put it in God’s hands to deal with. It’s hard to do-give your problems to God.
I am so humbled by the fact that I have lost an insane amount of weight and have been chosen for such an incredible opportunity. I give the credit to God completely, still in amazement and shock myself really, especially when I look in a mirror. There is a reason for everything though we might not ever know why. I am trapped in this body sagging with skin. Emotionally it is so tormenting. Physically it is uncomfortable having to tuck and shove into a constricted form daily. Tomorrow is a new day, and yet another day closer to starting to live in a new body. When that day will be is yet to be determined for good reasons I’m sure.
Time for me to practice the self-talking that I have somehow stopped. Time for me to show others by example that you can overcome problems and not turn to food, maybe even exercise instead?! Time for me to be, or become, a strong woman to be an example to my daughters. Time for me to realize and practice my own motto-that I am worth it and that I am Doing it for me. Time for me to ultimately give it all to God.