Posted by gum232 on November 19th, 2012 |Filed Under ME |
I am miserable in many variuos aspects of my life right now. I have really let myself go. I know that I don’t need to do that but it’s easier to just give in and give up than to fight it. It seems as though most everything I do, think or say is wrong. I wish I could just crawl in a hole and disappear. And then comes the holidays…. Isn’t that always such a joy? NOT! It’s a reminder of family situations/problems, FOOD, and finances. I just don’t want to gain weight. I do not ever want to go back to where I was or even 10 pounds back up at that. It’s doing it that is the hard part while all the other crap is going on around you that I’m so tired of struggling to do. Everyone just eats what they want, when they want and how much they want. Now I am limited beyond measure and feel deprived-sometimes. It’s not that I can’t have what, when and how much of whatever I want but that I know better than to completely cave. I’ve given into temptation and convenience lately and am aware of it and now suffer the consequences of my own foolishness. We all understand what happens when you indulge at the numerous gatherings that we all face throughout the next few weeks. How did I survive this last year? Where was my head? What was I thinking? How did I make it through the holidays? Can I do it again? Will I get to my weight loss goal this year? Can I? How do I get that same frame of thinking that helped guide me through last year? I am weak now. I am tired. I don’t “see” myself where I need to be now. Content to have succeeded this far yet fearing the unknown - success? My mind says eat whatever. My body says - NO DON’T! Then reality is the reflection in the mirror of why I can’t be too terribly careless. I can’t make absolutely stupid choices, much less try to “blame” someone else or any situation for allowing tempations to get the best of me. I have come to far to give up now. It’s been a very lonely road to travel on by myself without as much support as I wish I had had from people that you would expect and count on supporting you that are supposed to care - or heck at least fake it! Geesh. Well, I’m not blaming anyone, now I know that I can’t count on anyone either so I am left to push through to the finish line by my self- without giving credit to anyone for my success but me, myself and I. I am doing it for me - because no one else will or can, or thinks that I’m even worth the effort.