Blinders covering my eyes…

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I have been in such a bad way lately putting other people and things first.  But you know what?  NOPE!  I’m done!  I got dressed this morning and looked in the mirror and totally blew myself away!  Not to sound obnoxious or boastful, but to be proud of my accomplishment, dare I say that I look amazing?!  What?  Yeah, I saw in the mirror the person that I have always thought  was in the deep, dark, layers and layers of the former me.  It’s quite exciting and such an honor to talk to people about losing weight and sharing what has become, not just my journey, but my testimony. 

Your weight does not make you the person you are - it’s what’s inside the shell that matters.  Are you happy with yourself?  Are you physically capable and okay with your abilities and/or your limitations?  Are you mentally capable to face each and every day in the skin that you have, covering the figure that you alone have formed? Are you emotionally capable of handling yourself in situations that arise when obstacles get in your way?

Okay, here it goes…. I am going to try to blog as much as I can to stay focused toward my goal!  I am getting so close.  I’m not sure where my body will let me get to but now the future is at hand.  A little eye-opening fall at work, leading to some bad bruising on my shins has kind of helped knock some sense into me.  If I had been at my heaviest and the same thing occured I can’t imagine the outcome.  I have some goals that I really, really want to reach.  I am wearing some 12s and 14s but would love to see some 10s and less 14s.  Clothes-wise that’s going to be a comfortable, and obtainable goal. Really?  Still can’t believe I’ve come this far from 30s!  Insane I tell you.

I’ll let you in on something else that will be happening in the not so far away future but first let me tell you how it was before.  In the world of living as morbidly obese it’s almost like I walked around with blinders covering my eyes and blocking my mind.  Thinking of the past really makes me sad but I get over that and embrace each day now.  Picture this: Walking through a mall…. the blinders are on to all of the stores that were untouchable, blocking out all the clothes I couldn’t wear, the jewelry that wouldn’t fit, the shoes that would kill me feet, the foods that I know I shouldn’t eat.  Picture this as well:  Vacation was a nightmare…. Going to amuzement parks where all the rides would be uncomfortable and, IF I could fit, would have to get extensions for belts, all the fun stuff was undoable such as sports, games, etc.  So many things that I really missed out on in life are now all the new possibilities.  Well… now for my future, what will the crystal ball reveal?  Hehehe!  I know one thing that’s going to occur.  My daughters and I are going to go on a snow skiing trip!!!  What?  Yep!  I am going to try it.  NEVER in my life did I ever fathom the thought or think that I could do it but I am sure going to try!  How much fun will that be?!

I’m heading out for another great day at my job that I am so blessed and fortunate to have and love.  Expect to hear from me again SOON. 

Stay focused towards your little goals that you strive for each day and in the end the big goal will be yours!  You can do it and I can too but only you can do it for you.  I AM DOING IT FOR ME!! :)

 

I have been struggling lately-BAD.

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Well…. Here I am in despair.  I have been struggling lately- BAD. So much is going on in life between family, kids and work that I have let myself be put last, as in the past. UGH! I know this and am aware of it, yet have given in to temptations and circumstance. I know better, I really do but it’s so hard. I feel great. I think I look so much better than before and am complimented often. I really haven’t lost any more weight since about April. I’m still in the same clothes and enjoying my new figure and health.

But what am I going to do? I have got to get back on track. I know this. It’s so hard when you are pulled in numerous directions and about to your mental and physical limits. Excuses! GRRrrrr! I am responsible for ME!  No one can do this but ME! I have come to far to stop and give up on ME! I am doing it for ME! Trying to talk this through and figure it out….
Yesterday was a very disappointing day on the scales with a gain of several pounds. I did it. I have to claim it because no one did it to ME but ME. Maybe this will be the smack in the face that I need to go forward and get the rest of this weight off of ME. Maybe? Hmmmm? I guess that sounds doubtful still though doesn’t it? I have got to be in control. I have got to be prepared for each day. That’s one thing I’ve done lately is eating out too much. Talk about being out of control?! You have no clue what is put on your food, how it’s prepared or even precisely the portion that you are consuming, or really what you’re putting into your body.
My nemesis is fresh ground peanut butter. Whew…. Going to Whole Foods Market is such an amazing adventure-filled with samples, fascination and, again, SAMPLES. Ugh! But YUM! Lol!  I can’t be perfect -I know. I’ve got to splurge sometimes but that peanut butter, freshly ground and warm out of the machine is about my favorite thing to eat.  I love the osistancy, the flavor nd generally it is nutritous. I can have it but just have to be in control and not overdo it. I think I could literally lean under the machine, open my mouth, and push the start button. Nuts are good for you:)! Just not a cup of it ground up in a day.  Control is the key but I think I swallowed that too! The key that is. Oh well. No reason to dwell and regret because it can’t be changed. Moving forward. Day two now after I have come back to my senses, I hope. Is it too much to ask for prayers for strength? Any prayers would be appreciated.
I know I’m not perfect by any means, I am only human. I will make mistakes when it comes to my eating program and choices. I have been quite strict on myself to lose the weight I’ve lost to this point. Now to get to goal…. I have got to do this. I am worth it. I am doing it for ME!