Posted by gum232 on June 18th, 2012 |Filed Under ME |
My deepest apologies to those who might be following me for not having posted in a while. Life has been overwhelmingly BUSY. It has been a very full last couple of months with work, kids and family. Guess what that means though?? I’ve not been putting myself first at all thus the weight loss has idled within about a five pound range. In all actuality I cannot complain about the weight. My concern, not trying to be selfish, is that I have let myself be pushed to the back as I have done for years. Soooo….. now I’ve got to get back on track and think about ME. Speed bump…. over it!
So here I go again…..
I’m about 30 pounds or so from where I need to be. Not sure how far my body will let me go down. Someone actually called me “skinny” the other day!!! Hehehe:) That’s not a familiar term. It’s still really hard to visualize what others see but it doesn’t really matter. What matters to ME is how I feel about ME! I feel exhausted from a crazy schedule. I feel like a pinball in a pinball machine - being bounced around, fall into a hole for second to catch my breath to only be shot back out in a hurry to be bounced around some more!! Wow - that is actually a pretty good comparison. We could even go on to say how the flippers are maybe our job and family that give us a huge whack to get back out there again to! LOL! Of course now I wanna go to the arcade….. haven’t done that in years. The little extra flippers could be our personal struggles such as weigh loss, habits, etc. with all the bells and whistles going off all around you with the occassional TILT!
I feel disappointed that I let it get to me and have not focused solely on my healthstyle. I do not eat anything that I would not eat: fried, canned, boxed, prepared, etc. but I have eaten perhaps a bigger portion that I have grown accustomed to feeding my body. I have acknowledged that and had a good talking to with myself. Self-talk is a wonderful thing, REALLY. It’s kinda weird but I do quote myself from “The Reflection” that I wrote and posted a while back. If the food didn’t help to get you where you were, it’s not going to help to get you where you prefer.” I don’t know about you but that is such a deep statement. It has been difficult to walk into MRC (Metabolic Research Center) knowing that I have not been treating my body the way that it needs to be treated nutritionally.
I am excited to say that my family and I are going to attend the TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) International Recognition Days in San Diego, Ca next month. Maybe I can help inspire someone as well as being inspired myself to get to my goal. San Diego??? Really? WOW! I can’t believe we’re going to fly out to California. Hey, by the way, I’m going on a plane! I should be able to fit in a sit in comfort and without having to pay anything extra. What a great time we should have for an amazing family trip. You know that one of the places that we have to go is the zoo!! I don’t think I’ll have any problem with mobility of getting around, much less sweating. Okay, I know, eeew and yuck, but my sweat factor has changed drastically with having lost almost 170 pounds. Bring on the heat. It feels good to me now.
Clothes are fun to shop for too. It has been only a section in the store that I never could go before, but now… I can shop in the misses department! It’s an amazing feeling to hold up a medium or large to try on and actually have them fit!! Thank goodness for girdles. (The skin factor is a whole other topic, ugh.) I have found some great items at thrift stores and yard sales too. I’m kind of in style now. Someone asked me a while back what I see when I look in the mirror. Well, considering that I really kind of ignored what I saw in the mirror before I’m seeing maybe now, I think, what my mind always thought I was seeing if that makes any sense. So far I don’t see myself as the way I was.
Last thought for the day…. As you go through the weight loss process you experience many types of responses. Since I’ve lost so much sometimes people don’t know me and I have to literally stop them and even say my name. Then I explain what I’ve done, fortunately, wtihout surgery. Most people, acquaintances, typically freak out, hug me, say numerous compliments and praise me. Yesterday was the first encounter with a new reaction… resentment?? There was a look of shock then the remark “you must’ve had that surgery.” I tried to gingerly explain without trying to boast. The matter wasn’t helped by someone over-hearing and approaching me with questions, which I am always more than glad to answer. I don’t want to be intimidating to anyone and it bothered me. Success shouldn’t make you feel bad but sometimes I feel awkward now that I have surpassed some personal friends/acquaintances. It’s a decision that each person can only make for themselves unless someone physically feeds you. I am going to finish what I started this time. I’m going to get to where my body needs to be to be healthy and to be able to live for many more years in a state that I can enjoy. My life is truly just beginning in this new found figure. My family and friends will, and are able to, reap the benefits of my improved physical, emotional and mental condition but I still have to say that I’m doing it for me!
I am the only me there’s ever going to be. I only have one chance at this life and have wasted too many years in a condition that held me back.
The sky is the limit!