For 13 months I have been on this journey, earning the rite of passage to normality. What is normal though? Is it a size? Is it a feeling? It’s for sure not what’s portrayed in most magazines. I’m still bulgy and round in places, real. I’m working on it though. I’m able to hide it quite well with the proper attire. Never would I have imagined that at a size 30 that I could ever get my rear end in a 14, working on 12s. Assuming that a 10 would be a great number to stop at maybe.
I exceeded the 160 pound lost mark today! It’s been slow getting there, but no matter – I’m there!! The next hurdle is getting into the ONEDERLAND! I’m 6 1/2 pounds away from having a one in front of my weight! That is insane!! It’s literally been decades since I was in the one hundreds. I think it was maybe 10th grade? Not too sure. I understand that it’s got to be getting old for those around me. One friend remarks about it being great how I keep losing weight. A few praise how taking it off slow and steady will lead to long term success. Hope they’re right! Others are still very complimentary but even to me it seems to be dragging on and on and on. Guess that’s how it’s got to be since I had let myself go for so long. I’m trying every day to reach goals to add to bigger goals, to reach the overall goal. What is that overall goal? I’ll let my BMI, fat % and body tell me. A number is just that, a number, on a scale. I think I can go a full 200 pounds, putting me at 166. Weighing 206 today makes my goal exactly 40 more pounds to go. WOW! After losing 160, 4 times 40, that doesn’t sound unattainable at all. I assume it’s going to be a lot harder fighting my body from here on out, considering what I’ve put it through this far. But I can do it. I have come too close to turn back. I keep trying to switch it up, change what I’m nourishing my body with so the excess will be “burned” off and melt away. Of course, that’s not to mention the skin. Yep, unfortunatley, after being stretched out for 30 plus years, it’s not sucking back in. Didn’t expect it to though.
The beginning is drawing near! The beginning of a life that I have missed out on in different ways due to physical and mental immobility. I already have so much energy that It’s hard to even go to sleep at night. Presently my next venture is….. looking over my shoulders trying to figure out who said it….. I want to make a raised garden. Why not? All the fresh vegetables that I eat – why not grow them myself and be able to pick them fresh?! Lots of figuring out on how to construct the garden and when, how, and why to plant certain things at specific times, etc. I’d like to have my own asparagus bed too. We’ll see. I’m quite anxious for the summer to see how life will be. I’m working hard to lose weight to become healthier. I am doing it for me! Then comes the hard part of maintaining focus and not letting old bad habits creep back into the routine. I’ve come a long way in changing up what I’ll eat now to lose. I’m sure it’s a whole new plan and state of mind to try to stop losing and to maintain.
HOpe you are doing well and finding success in your own journey to a healthy you.
The poet in me came out to play. Enjoy what I wrote for you today!
by: Heather Gum
I looked in the mirror and who did I see?
A stranger, not familiar, looking back at me.
Once large and unhealthy who struggled to get around –
In the reflection I looked, but she could not be found.
The discomfort and embarrassment of years gone by
I looked at the image and tried not to cry.
The weight had to GO for a rebirth of ME
To become the person I was meant to be.
I’m sorry dear body what I put you through
Forgive me I didn’t know what to do.
Countless plans and attempts were made to lose
Exclusion diets, extremes, many “here’s what to do”s.
The “health style” I choose to feed my body now
Is lean meats, fresh fruits and veggies prepared somehow.
The energy I had was absolutely nil at the start
Now I try to move when I can, it’s so good for my heart.
This foreigner that’s been living inside of me…
She was there the whole time living in misery.
I set out on this passage – to love myself again
“I am important” – that’s where to begin!
You can do it, keep going, are you sure of that bite?
Self-talk and encouragement helps through the fight.
If “the food” didn’t help to get you where you were
It won’t help to get you to where you prefer.
There’s focus and obsession to balance between
Stay on the edge and soon results can be seen.
Ask for help from those who love you, they do.
They want you to be healthy and live longer too.
Look what has happened! In the reflection I see…
I’m finally doing it! I’m doing it for ME!