Posted by gum232 on February 19th, 2012 |Filed Under ME |
If you have been keeping up with my blog I appreciate you following my progress and for your support and prayers. Assuming that you are on your own personal journey as well, I am hoping that you are finding success in your efforts. From experience… persistance and perseverance will prevail!
This has been the most emotional month for me. I have been refocused and rededicated to myself for the past year, celebrating my year “anniversary” on Valentine’s Day. I knew that I needed to learn to love myself. Don’t think I’ve done to bad if I can say so myself. It has not been easy yet has gotten more less difficult as time passes. The way that I eat typically is a natural thing now, good habits have overpowered the not so healthy choices that I had made for decades. However, we ate out today, which I usually try to avoid, at one of my old favorite places to eat. They have a simple buffet but have the best fried chicken you’ve ever eaten. I did it though - I survived without completely hyperventilating and passing out. It’s amazing how much “self-talk” has helped me through this journey. I ate a plate of salad (apporximately 8 oz) of fresh veggies with a little boiled egg. I carried my “supplies bag” and sprinkled some ranch powder on top for flavor. I then commensed to mutilate 2 pieces of fried chicken breast by removing all the crust and dabbing some of the extra oils out of the meat with the napkins. NO I did not lick my fingers! I seasoned it, or dipped it in the carribean citrus spice. I also had a fruit replacement drink - chocolate - for “dessert”. I only made one trip to the bar and ate slowly. I was satisfied. I was successful and felt good after the experience, maybe a little deprived but triumphant overall.
Back to the emotional stuff… the last few weeks have been rather interesting with the realization of the progress that I have made. I’ve lost over 150 pounds. I have lost OVER one hundred and fifty pounds! OMG!!! That is just insane. It’s quite a feat when you take in the surrounding facts - mainly that I have been overweight for over 30 years of my life to varying degrees and I have done this without surgery. I am in no way saying that surgery is the “easy” way out, but for me it was not an option - financially or mentally. I love and enjoy food too much to only be able to eat a small amount. If I made the not so healthy decision to eat a whole pizza, yes, I’ve done it in the past (more than once), I could make that choice and suffer the consequences. For me, my doctor, years ago, who tried to persuade me to have surgery, said that their was a 15% success rate after 5 years. At the time those just were not good enough odds. Today I’m not sure of the long term success rate of maintaining the weight loss. I do feel it necessary, and well earned to declare my success through the “hard way” though. When someone loses a considerable amount of weight society, including myself, would think automatically “which surgery did they have?” I claim IT! I stand my ground and say no surgery because I have changed the way I eat and adopted a new healthstyle that is working for me and my body.
I’m at Wal Mart last night in the women’s plus size clothing. I see all of these clearance signs and then it hits me - and it hits me hard - I don’t need to shop on that side of the store. It’s quite hard to accept that I can look for smaller clothes. I know that I’m in size 16s and some 14s but WOW it’s still just hard to believe. I’m making it! I’m doing it! So I’m going through the racks at Goodwill today (great place in transition) and as I am scavaging through the racks for the $.99 items I come across some cute things that I don’t put in my buggy to try on because they are too big?!? What? How can this be possible? I”m not searching for the biggest clothes anymore. After all of these years, after countless attempts, numerous diets and plans, finally I am able be successful in this process to rid excess poundage? I”m not there yet, but WOW does it feel GREAT to be this close!!! I am doing it! I am doing it for me!