PUMPKIN BROWNIES

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I had to make these for my kids!  I did taste a bite and it was scrumptous but I did spit it out. I just can’t do it yet…. eventually….. :)  ENJOY!!!

PUMPKIN BROWNIES!

INGREDIENTS:
1 Box any flavor cake mix

1 can pumpkin

   

DIRECTIONS:

Combine ingredients in a bowl and mix till blended.

Bake at 350 degrees for 25-30 mins till toothpick inserted comes out clear.

RESULTS:

Yummy and delicious, light and fluffy “pumpkin brownies”. 

TIPS:

Great with chocolate mixes. Superb with either carrot or spice cake.  Works with an angel food mix too.  Can taste the pumpkin more with yellow or white cake mix. 

(Used to eat this when on WW.  I cut into 24 pieces and was 1 point each.)

 

How can this be possible??

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If you have been keeping up with my blog I appreciate you following my progress and for your support and prayers.  Assuming that you are on your own personal journey as well, I am hoping that you are finding success in your efforts.  From experience… persistance and perseverance will prevail! 

This has been the most emotional month for me.  I have been refocused and rededicated to myself for the past year, celebrating my year “anniversary” on Valentine’s Day.  I knew that I needed to learn to love myself.  Don’t think I’ve done to bad if I can say so myself.  It has not been easy yet has gotten more less difficult as time passes.  The way that I eat typically is a natural thing now, good habits have overpowered the not so healthy choices that I had made for decades.  However, we ate out today, which I usually try to avoid, at one of my old favorite places to eat.  They have a simple buffet but have the best fried chicken you’ve ever eaten.  I did it though - I survived without completely hyperventilating and passing out.  It’s amazing how much “self-talk” has helped me through this journey.  I ate a plate of salad (apporximately 8 oz) of fresh veggies with a little boiled egg.  I carried my “supplies bag” and sprinkled some ranch powder on top for flavor.  I then commensed to mutilate 2 pieces of fried chicken breast by removing all the crust and dabbing some of the extra oils out of the meat with the napkins.  NO I did not lick my fingers!  I seasoned it, or dipped it in the carribean citrus spice.  I also had a fruit replacement drink - chocolate - for “dessert”.  I only made one trip to the bar and ate slowly.  I was satisfied. I was successful and felt good after the experience, maybe a little deprived but triumphant overall.

Back to the emotional stuff… the last few weeks have been rather interesting with the realization of the progress that I have made.  I’ve lost over 150 pounds.  I have lost OVER one hundred and fifty pounds!  OMG!!! That is just insane.  It’s quite a feat when you take in the surrounding facts - mainly that I have been overweight for over 30 years of my life to varying degrees and I have done this without surgery.  I am in no way saying that surgery is the “easy” way out, but for me it was not an option - financially or mentally.  I love and enjoy food too much to only be able to eat a small amount.  If I made the not so healthy decision to eat a whole pizza, yes, I’ve done it in the past (more than once), I could make that choice and suffer the consequences.  For me, my doctor, years ago, who tried to persuade me to have surgery, said that their was a 15% success rate after 5 years.  At the time those just were not good enough odds.  Today I’m not sure of the long term success rate of maintaining the weight loss.  I do feel it necessary, and well earned to declare my success through the “hard way” though.  When someone loses a considerable amount of weight society, including myself, would think automatically “which surgery did they have?”  I claim IT!  I stand my ground and say no surgery because I have changed the way I eat and adopted a new healthstyle that is working for me and my body.

I’m at Wal Mart last night in the women’s plus size clothing.  I see all of these clearance signs and then it hits me - and it hits me hard - I don’t need to shop on that side of the store.  It’s quite hard to accept that I can look for smaller clothes.  I know that I’m in size 16s and some 14s but WOW it’s still just hard to believe.  I’m making it!  I’m doing it! So I’m going through the racks at Goodwill today (great place in transition) and as I am scavaging through the racks for the $.99 items I come across some cute things that I don’t put in my buggy to try on because they are too big?!? What? How can this be possible?  I”m not searching for the biggest clothes anymore.  After all of these years, after countless attempts, numerous diets and plans, finally I am able be successful in this process to rid excess poundage? I”m not there yet, but WOW does it feel GREAT to be this close!!!  I am doing it!  I am doing it for me!

Grrr! Don’t you hate plateaus??

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Oh my, didn’t realize this wasn’t posted.  It’s now up for your viewing. 

I know that I shouldn’t complain.  I know that I should be, and am, proud of my accomplishment to this point but Grrr! Don’t you hate plateaus??  What’s so weird is that I seem to be losing inches at this point but not pounds.  Physiologically that doesn’t quite make sense to me but I’ll take it.  I’m down 145 pounds and 8 sizes!  It’s all happened so fast and now I’ve been riding this plateau for a month…..  Something’s gotta give! 

I have been pushing my blinders out some and allowing myself some “new” things.  For 11 months I’ve kept it simple and straight by the program as to what I was able to feed my body.  I’m sure my body is saying “What in the heck is going on here?”. I understand that I need to let me body catch up in this process so now I need patience.  You know where I can find some?? As if it were bottled for marketing….  I’m quite thrilled where I am now but I’m not done so it’s just a matter of waiting it out.  Perhaps throwing in some changes has confused my body too.  We’ll see how the next week or two goes.  Trying to incorporate more physical activity but time is such a valuable thing that I don’t have enough of - at any given point of the day. 

If you open my refrigerator now it looks like a walking talking advertisement for Walden Farms.  What’s Walden Farms you may ask??  Check out their website www.waldenfarms.com.  OMG!  NO CALORIE products!!  Some items that I’ve got are marshmallow creme, chocolate sauce, caramel dip, strawberry spread, peanut spread, balsamic vinegarette, thick & spicy bbq sauce and pancake syrup.  For no calories, etc. I think I can retrain my tastebuds and my brain!!  I’m trying to anyways.  The best by far is the thick & spicy bbq sauce.  I eat a lot of lean protein and that ads a lot flavor.  I’m going to have to go buy a second bottle before long.  The pancake syrup is better than any reduced fat, low calorie syrup that I’ve ever had the discomfort of trying to eat and did “because it was good for me”. Literally I have gone in and taken a sip for something sweet - YUM!  The balsamic vinegarette is pretty good too.  I typically eat my salads plain but it’s not bad. I’ve just got to learn what I can and can’t eat in the real world within reason.  All I can do is try to do the best I can do and be the best that I can be.  I AM DOING THIS FOR ME!!

 

 

Please help me.

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Well…here I am 149 pounds lighter than when I started this passage nearing one year ago. I’ve been on a plateau for a few weeks and it’s quite upsetting. Tonight I  saw Hannah Curlee speak.  She was a contestant/participant on The Biggest Loser season 11. How amazing to hear an abbreviated tale through her experience. She was quite inspiring and encouraging.  Yeah I’ll admit I cried. Such a sap I know. It’s such a personal, soul searching journey for each person who is overweight, all with similarities and sadness.

This has been a very hard journey and I’ve not reached my goal yet.  I don’t mean to sound negative but i’ve been so far and i am not there…yet. I look back and understand how far I’ve come and know that it’s a huge accomplishment to make it to this point. I know that I can do it.  I made it this far.  I can go all the way. I AM DOING  IT FOR ME! That might sound selfish but I am doing it for me. It’s for my physical health, emotional well-being and self worth.  For the longest I have blamed myself for letting my body get in the condition that it was in for three, yes three, decades. No skinny pictures of me- just varying ranges of fat. Ugly word but the truth sometimes is ugly too.  I’m not putting the blame on anyone or anything but I am owning it and changing it.  I am in charge of me- no one else. No one else puts food in my mouth. No one else can exercise for me. No one else can overcome my personal obstacles - but ME. Sounds good and easy, right? It’s a lot easier said than done for sure.
One of the things discussed tonight was - help. If you are in need of help- you have to ask. People are typically willing to help. I know I have been an encouragement that I didn’t quite set out to be but now I am asking- please help me. I have made it this far and I have been struggling. I don’t necessarily want to eat the wrong things but I think I am getting bored with the same routine.  I make & take my food everywhere I go. I know what to eat and have only recently been able to try new combinations and make up some recipes or try new ideas that I find and alter them to make it how I want it. Maybe that’s what’s wrong…my body doesn’t like the different stuff. I need help though. I need prayers and guidance to keep going. It’s almost like there’s a dead end sign hitting me in the face. My body is fighting me it seems. Once before, at about 80 pounds lost, I hit a barrier. I related it to the mourning for the weight I had lost. My protection and shield was gone. Now what?
I wrote a sentence to a friend today that I haven’t seen in a few months. It’s weird that people I know, that I know know me, don’t know me. Wow. To stop and digest that thought! I am me. I am the same me that I used to be but somehow I’m not. I like to think that I’ve become a better person with a new outlook on life. I really do try to stay positive but sometimes it’s not so easy. Is the old me fading away? Where am I? Who am I? Am I someone now that I like? I think so. If I’m not me then who am I to be? I knew this wasn’t going to be easy and boy was I right!
I am trying to exercise more and that makes me feel good. I can actually jog! Yep! Crazy huh? At an event yesterday the only thing that was tempting was the strawberries. What? Really? Man what a difference a year makes! (if you’re wondering, I already had eaten my measured portions.) I suppose that I have changed after so many years in such a state of misery that maybe the attention is too overwhelming, the difference isn’t just on the outside but the inside, my being, my existence is evolving to a condition that is unfamiliar and very scary. I did not acknowledge or realize that I was so unhappy and miserable before. I suppose it’s time to admit it and own the past as well.  Perhaps this is another mourning period? Let the grief be gone so I can move past that dead end sign.  Are these tears of joy? Sadness? Grief? Until I know I’ll just keep doing the same ole thing and hope my body will let me take it to where it should be, where it should have been for years and where I can find comfort, peace and contentment with my physical body.
P.S. I wrote this then went to the gym before posting. Crazy struggling and juggling all these thoughts. I did the eliptical for 20 mins about 4 miles then on to a bike for the rest of the hour for 10 miles with alternating standing and some hand weights.. I want this gone! Ugh