Posted by gum232 on January 10th, 2012 |Filed Under ME |
WOW! Can you believe it’s already 2012? 2011 was definitely filled with trials, education, accomplishments with many goals set and reached. What does the future hold?
The biggest trial by far was starting this weight loss journey on a path to a healthier Heather. Walking into the door of Metabolic Research Center was not easy by any means but had to be done. I started on Valentine’s Day. I knew that I needed to relearn to love myself after giving of myself for others over the last couple decades. I apologize to anyone that is in my close circles of friends/co-workers that might have been, and are still possibly, affected by the life-style choices that I have made to improve my health. Not much into eating out with friends unless I know I can eat where we are going or that I can take my own food or even eat before I attend various occasions. I rededicated myself to my membership with TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) too. After being a member for over 5 years, being the leader a few years, and losing and gaining, yep the old “yo-yo dieting”, I am determined to get to and maintain KOPS (Keep Off Pounds Sensibly) status. Why do I go to both? MRC supplies me with nutritional guidance and accountability where TOPS supplies me with not just accountability but with support and encouragement for people trying to lose weight as well. This is the year that I will be the weight I want to be!!
It has been interesting how some friends have changed their view and attitude towards me and relationships have changed – some for the better and others have even ended. I don’t understand. No I did not want to go and do anything when I was heavy. I did not feel like it physically much less have the desire to do things mentally or perhaps sometimes I didn’t want to be seen. It’s not a pleasant feeling to go into an environment or situation to be the biggest person in the room or the one that can’t quite do things the same way. Personally I feel as though I am growing as a person. It is a rebirth. I have a second chance at LIFE! I am ready to live!
I have learned so much about eating healthy throughout my dieting history but now I am putting it to use on a daily basis as a way of life. All the little thoughts and sayings actually make sense to me now and mean so much: “eat to live not live to eat”, “if you bite it write it”, and so many more. I have analyzed myself and my thoughts more and more every day. Why did I eat the way I did/do? What effect will certain foods have on my body? How can I successfully reach my little goals, thus in turn my overall goal? The way your body uses nutrients is well written in countless resources. It’s finding which method or combination works best for your body to reach the outcome that you desire. I have found what is working for me and I’m going to see it through to the end. Food is for nutrition – NOT for pleasure, however you can make nutritional food pleasurable to eat. I am feeding my body what it needs now – NOT what Heather wants. I would have eaten like a fool in years past during the holidays and gatherings but I have learned and changed my eating patterns in such situations. I am in charge of what goes in my body and only I can be!
Where do I start with accomplishments? So many things have been accomplished and many goals have been reached hourly, daily and monthly. Keeping a food journal has been a HUGE help. I have a journal of what I have eaten since I started this passage in February. Setting realistic and attainable goals for each and every day gives me a feeling of accomplishment at the end of the day when I reflect on successes and perhaps a few setbacks too with which I am sure to learn and accomplish something with too. Making meals, dishes, desserts, etc. that I don’t, that I WON’T, eat was hard in the beginning but now it’s actually become almost a challenge to myself to test my endurance and staying in charge. At first it made me upset to come home and find that there was a cake baked in my absence. Now I am becoming creative with the foods that I choose to eat and how can I combine them differently. I eat A LOT of food- literally A LOT! I’m almost to a point that I get to decrease my protein intake at each meal. I’m looking forward to that adjustment though I’m sure it won’t be easy.
There is a fine line between being focused and obsesses but through this experience I have to credit my accomplishments to being on the edge. It’s like standing on the top of a fence and trying to balance between the two not to fall off. This acknowledgement keeps me aware of not just the food choices that I make but of how I appear to others. I did not care before. I was hidden in my “fat suit”. I did not look in the mirror thus I did not have to accept the way that I looked since I didn’t see myself. Boy don’t pictures tell us a different story though?? I know the thoughts that go through my head when I would see someone heavy, however I never really “saw” myself that way. DENIAL! Now through this experience which will never end, I look at heavy people through a different set of eyes. I might not know or understand their personal situation, health condition, etc. but I do know and understand the pain, the heartache, the struggles, the humiliation and the embarrassment of what they experience on a continued daily basis. I have talked to several complete strangers about how far I’ve come and tried to make a difference in their lives or to at least bring an awareness to them that a change would be beneficial.
What does the future hold?
If there were a way to make everyone understand and commit to making themselves healthier and to let them know there is a plan that will work for their body this blog would be worth the time. YOU can do it. Forget about what you look like now and go forward. You know how you got in an overweight condition so make changes, little changes even, that can add up to BIG differences. It is humiliating to ask for help but don’t try to do this on your own. ASK FOR HELP! There are numerous support groups, doctors, weight loss centers and people that genuinely care. It is a sensitive topic but it needs addressing. Tough love! The funny thing is to me that I am now the toughest person on myself. I have to do this for me. I am doing this for me. In turn this has changed my capabilities and desire to try to do different things or even do things that I used to do in varying stages of obesity.
I do intend to get to my goal this year. What is my goal?? Is it a number on the scale? Is it the way I feel? BMI? Well, I guess I will know when to stop when my body tells me to stop. Sounds like a plan but I am not sure when to aim for that goal to be reached. I will take it one meal at a time, one day at a time, one month at a time until I am there.
Thank you for your continued support, compliments and encouragement. Every perspective, idea, remark and tip is appreciated. I have a heartfelt appreciation for the girls at the Murfreesboro Metabolic Research Center and for the wonderful members of TOPS 0606. I am eternally grateful.