Finally……. I have seen it! I saw 80 pounds LOST on the scales! WOW! I never would have thought a few short months ago (an eternity when it comes to dieting) that I would have been successful at my weight loss endeavors to this point. It has been a roller coaster of emotions more than anything, yet a self discovery. I have never been a selfish person - but you have to be when it comes to what you eat, what you put in your body, what you feed your emotions with on a meal by meal basis. The biggest realization still is that I am feeding my body. I try to switch up my meals-meats, vegetables, etc but sometimes I am just not “in the mood” for what I have to consume… but… I eat it anyways because the nutrients are what my body needs. It is very discouraging to look at my looooonnnngggg term goal because it seems like forever away. I still have atleast 100 more to go, if not more. It all depends what my body says. Since I’ve never been there I think it seems to be that much further for me. Trying to stay positive. I think I have hit a plateau too so we’ll see in the next week what happens.
WHAT ARE YOU EATING??
Have you wondered that? I have been asked several times what I am eating so I am going to give some general items/recipes that I use on a very regular basis. Please talk to your doctor to make sure that you are okay to eat certain foods that I am if you have any questions or concerns about incorporating them into your lifestyle. The way that I am eating now is going to be the way I generally eat for the rest of my life. When I get to my goal I will be able to indulge slightly but only occassionally. Popcorn, my dear friend, oh how I miss you. Sorry, that just came out. I do miss my home popped popcorn in a smidge of coconut oil-but NO I have not eaten any since the night before I changed my life.
Oh wow! Yet another revelation! “I” CHANGED “MY” LIFE! That’s not where my thoughts were heading but I have to run with it. I changed my life. I… changed my life. I changed… my life. I changed…my… life. Think of this concept. I- meaning me, personally, without anyone forcing me to do so, changed- altered, diverted the path that I was on, my- own, individual, life- existance. I am taking full ownership and responsibility for my actions when it comes to eating, or, better known to some by now, feeding my body. If I can… YOU can too!!!! Whew! The thoughts are like a pinball bouncing around in my head about this one now. More to follow I’m sure….
Well, where was I? I started this passage on Valentine’s Day because deep down I knew I needed to do this for myself, because ultimately, if God loves me enough to let me hang around this long, through lifes experiences thus far, that if I improve my temple I can, hopefully, be an example for someone out there, to make a difference in their life, to improve their temple too. It might be selfish to a point but you have to love yourself and care for your own well-being as you do for those you love, but more so. No one knows yourself as much as you do, speaking of diet history-your likes and dislikes, cravings and satisfactions, desires and thoughts, as well as the numerous reasons that you start a food program and ALL the reasons that have lead you in the past to stop and return to your old ways. You have to make changes. If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you always got. You’ve got to make the changes that you know you need to make for yourself to get the results that you want. If you eat metabolicly and make your body do the work, burning off your excess poundage, then any time you “cheat” you only “cheat” yourself-oh, and stop the metabolic burning process. Make goals small and obtainable while pushing on towards the big goal. Personally my little goals are to stay focused, treat my body right, emotionally stay in control and hope that my body was fed properly to produce a loss on the scales each week.
Any loss is progress which makes the goal a little closer.
P.S. I will write a page on each meal as well as snacks that I eat if you choose to read about them.
I know that I have come a long way from where I was but it’s getting harder now. It’s become somewhat routine of what I eat, when, how food is prepared, packing everything that I can think of to possibly eat out and about, etc. I’ve got such a long way to go though- more than I’ve already lost. I’m knocking 80 pounds but the friends I know doing the same program, or eating lifestyle, are knocking on the heels of their goals. Noone had near as much to lose as I did/do. But perhaps, not having thought about it before, maybe I have the most to gain from losing all this. Can I really lose more than half of me from where I used to be?
I am getting discouraged… HELP! I feel better. I definitely look better. But inside - I’m really struggling with all the emotional stuff that is going along with this transformation. I know that I didn’t gain all this burden overnight and that it’s impossible to just wake up and be at goal, small ones or long term. I keep trying to picutre myself in the future. I’ve NEVER been there - I can’t see it. I want to see myself in a condition, a place, in a body that is completley unfamiliar to me but I can’t. Not yet anyways.
Noone has known me in a smaller form. Can I do it? I’ve never known Me in a smaller form! Will I even like me? Will I turn into a different person- that is not me? Will people like/love me more or less because of my physical appearance? I’ve never been one to judge by appearances because I don’t want someone to judge me. I’m sick of being judged because of this fat suit that’s attached. Can I still be me when externally it’s not the me that I’ve been for decades of my life? It really is hard to try to let all these feelings emerge, much less to talk about them and face them. Eighty pounds! I think I am in mourning. I’ve lost something. Do you go through steps of grieving over weight loss like you do when a loved one dies? Goodbye old “friend?” Shouldn’t I be celebrating instead of sad? It’s been my shield and protector for years - but from what and who? Myself!
I am scared. I’ll admit it. Am I to the point of turning back like I’ve always done? Getting to the edge of my “comfort zone”, do I stop and return to where I was? Can I cross the bridge? All I can see and hear in my head is Donkey yelling on the wobbly bridge “I’m looking down!” What will happen? If I stop it won’t be good. If I can push myself, drag myself, literally force myself to cross over this bridge where will it take me? Can I overcome these feelings of discouragement? I want to mentally, or do I? I AM STRUGGLING! BAD! I’ve not been under 300 punds in years and it feels good. I can not honestly tell you the last time I was under 250- college? maybe? I’m pretty sure my husband met me and married me above 250. That’s a whole other discussion about this relationship.
I am about to venture into territory that I have never explored or traveled-conciously. I’m trying to stay positive. I’m trying not to “cheat”. I’m trying to not think that I have such a LONGGGG way to go. I’m trying to still be encouraging to friends that I am so very jealous of now. I am honestly happy for them and very proud of their efforts so why am I mad? Guess I’m just so dang mad at myself that I let my condition get so far out of control. I have to keep trying to think that I’m not doing for my husband, my kids, my family, a party or gathering (reunion, etc) but that I am doing it for me. I’ve won some little battles internally to this point but this one keeps going on and on and on.
I know I’ve got to do this. I know I’m not giving up. I am worth it. I am doing it for me.
Life is so busy. It’s been a little hard to focus on myself but I am trying. Kids are out of school and going here and there and yonder! I still take my food with me everywhere that I can and make the best choices out when necessary. I am working towards 80 pounds! I hope to see it before the end of June. If I can stay focused and increase physical activity it is possible to reach 100 pounds by the end of July! Wow! Wouldn’t that just be amazing?? I’m roughly averaging about 20 pounds a month. That is really exciting but yet so unreal and hard to believe all at the same time. Just a few months ago I was wearing size 28 and some 30s. Now I am wearing comfortably 24s and some 22s! I am even in a 22 bathing suit! And you know how bathing suits typically run small…. I went to the pool with my youngest daughter the other day and for the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel like the biggest person there. That was a good feeling. An even better feeling is how I look and feel with a good tan! *Note: I use coconut oil to sunbathe - produces an amazing bronzed tan.
I want to get your opinion and thoughts about something. I challenge you!
How can you, or do you, approach someone with obvious weight issues to outreach a genuine caring hand? I am trying through this blog to reach out and encourage someone else with weight problems. Am I helping anyone? Can I help anyone? Can I make a difference in one person’s life to plant the seed of healthy living? How would you feel if someone, a total stranger, came to you and hugged you, offering heartfelt compassion? I wonder if someone had done that to me in my past how I would have reacted? Would I have been touched? Would I have been moved enough to try to make the appropriate changes? Or would I have been offended and hurt? Either way I think the seed would be planted! The thought would be in that person’s mind, hopefully repeating, hopefully sinking in deep, hopefully to cause an awakening in their desire, their deep down desire and knowledge that they need to make a change for the better. Maybe it would lead them into action, they’d make healthier choices, they’d make goals and reach them, they’d become happier and in the long run, unbeknownst to you, would live a longer healthier life, just because you took time and made an effort to be positive and encouraging. It’s kind of like the movie, Pay it Forward-that you could wind up making a life-changing decision in someone’s existance and not really ever see the outcome but be thanked and appreciated as a total stranger, their “turning point.”
I think through trying to live and be an example to others through physically improving what your body looks like on the outside, that your health, mentally and emotionally, on the inside, will stuggle through the healing process to become a more complete you, or the me that I always knew I wanted to be. To lose weight, by my experiences in the past, and smacking me in the face daily lately, is an act of being selfish. Society teaches us to be caring and concerned yet tolerant of peoples faults. Is that the smartest way to exist? We always think of others and their feelings, how things affect them and do not put ourselves in the forefront anymore. It’s hard to be selfish when it’s not how you were raised or what is normally accepted in society. The only way to lose weight is to have the attitude and believe that you are worth the effort, woth the time, worth the struggles, worth all the obstacles and hurdles that are in your path to become healthy. You have to want this for yourself. You have to ask for help and encouragement from your friends, family and coworkers. If they love you, your personal support system should be great and if not you need to find those people in your life that will be your personal cheerleaders. Everyone needs positive reinforcement and apprecriates help that we are usually not going to ask for.
My road ahead is still a long journey considering that I’m not even half way there…YET! I am going to be successful and change my life forever. I ask for your continued support and would like to challenge you to encourage someone every day to make wiser and healthier choices. You have to want to do it for yourself. You can be the person to make a difference in someone else’s life. I hope that I am making a difference and intend to keep striving towards my goals. I AM DOING IT FOR ME!
BTW- A bit nervous… why you ask?!? Well, I told myself when I got under 300 pounds (NEVER TO RETURN!) that I would treat my body. I have a hydrolyzing body soak and an hour Swedish massage scheduled! Never have I done anything like this, but you know what? I deserve it!