The “Passage”

Posted by gum232 on May 20th, 2011 |Filed Under ME | 3 Comments

Thank you for reading my blog.  I thoroughly enjoy writing.  I hope you are inspired and encouraged in some way to become a healthier person.  I was thinking about “the passage”.  Thought I’d share some thoughts, feelings and goals with you. Wikipedia defines rite of passage as a ritual event that marks a person’s progress from one status to another.  What do you think?  I think you will agree that a journey through a huge obstacle, weight loss, deserves the title of a “Passage.”  Many changes will occur, many changes already have occured physically, mentally and emotionally on my passage to a Healthy Heather.  When you think of a rite of passage it is typically a child becoming an adult, a maturing, an understanding, a trust and a belief. So I want to share my thoughts briefly about a few things. First we’ll discuss eating habits and influences, next the torment and struggle from within and finally the mindset and attitude that is necessary for successfully heading down the passage.

Eating Habits and Influences

As I have mentioned in the past, I have never really been so called “normal” size to where I can look back at pictures of a skinnier me, as an adult, like some people can do.  It has been a life long struggle.  Before I begin I want to put out a disclaimer to my parents:  I do not blame you. I was not force fed.  I put the food in my own mouth.  Breathe… okay, I survived taking responsiblity and ownership of my own self.  Growing up in an eating household was very hard.  We were raised in the clean your plate generation.  I once read that you must let a child learn what is hot and cold and allow them to make the choice if they need a jacket/coat all by themselves so they learn their own feelings.  Just because you’re cold doesn’t mean that they are too and vise versa.  Well, so is the same concept when it comes to hunger and satiation.  Are you hungry when you ate?  Are you full yet?  STOP! Did you clean the plate because there are starving children in third world countries? Ship it to them! I know that was my thought with some foods. How many times did you have similar thoughts? I set myself up for weight gain by sneaking food too.  Boy was that just plain right out stupid!  I would eat reese’s cups, peanut butter chips and pringles as my staple hidden comfort foods.  “I’ll show them.” But what good did that do?  NONE! Today I don’t touch peanut butter on my program.  Even though I love the taste, maybe even more with a smidge of chocolate, I don’t know if my body will ever have any again.  But one things is for sure- I WILL NOT DIE IF I DON’T EAT PEANUT BUTTER! I will live and survive without it.  I don’t want to take the chance of triggering any set-back.  Other problem foods were Sonic onion rings and Burger King chicken sandwiches as a youth.  But can I sue them for my issues?  Why NO it’s not their fault that I couldn’t control what shouldn’t have gone in my body anyways.  I know those foods were the “worst” but yet the “best” at the time.  Buffets – what a crazy concept right? It’s an organized feeding trough for humans.  WOW?! What? Yep I said it – an organized feeding trough for humans.  Think about it.  Ever heard the acronym for Buffet? Big Ugly Fat Folk Eatting Together. Don’t get me worng, I have frequented many a “good” buffet but will avoid completely now.  I understand and except the consequences of poor habits.  The exoskeleton grew and grew.  NO MORE!

Torment and struggles

I couldn’t tell you how many names I’ve been called or how many looks I’ve gotten over my life, probably including yesterday, haven’t been anywhere yet today.  It’s never been easy being a larger person. Mentally it’s in the back of your head all the time, the awareness of your size. When you want to sit and are worried about the chair, swing, etc. much less anyone’s lap.  I was not as big as some people that I have seen.  Those are the ones that are truly inspirational to me, beyond their knowledge.  I want to be able to walk not to be confined to a wheelchair.  I want to be able to shop not in a scooter.  Some random things to dread- a turnstile, a cave’s “fat man squeeze”, roller skates and so many others.  I want to be able to do simple everyday tasks without my weight or size having to be of concern.  I always have wanted to do stuff that I couldn’t do before.  When I can try new stuff comfortably I am really looking forward to -test driving a Porshe (oh YEAH!), not having to be extremely self concious in the heat of the summer and trying to dress appropriately, not having to worry about going to an amusement park or riding in an airplane among numerous other things that “normal” sizers don’t think about and take for granted. If people love you for who you are your “exoskeleton” is invisible to them and they see right past it all.  I hope to one day fit into the normal sizers category but the difference will be the deep heartfelt appreciation for all the small stuff.

Mindset and attitude

A lot of people, including myself, have tried countless diet plans because that’s just what you’re supposed to do when you’re overweight.  Well yes and no.  Yes you might need to be healthier but no one diet works for every person’s body.  It’s not like the majority of people naturally look uber thin and gorgeous like in the magazines, tv or movies- come back to reality.  You will look like a much healthier YOU!  It’s the food that’s consumed, when it’s consumed, how it’s consumed and with whom it’s consumed with that makes a difference.  You have to make changes that will last you the rest of your extended life!   Yep you’re going to live longer when you are healthier and making better decisions based on what your body needs rather than what is readily available at any given time. Don’t have a “cheat day” because you’re just cheating yourself.  Don’t buy something just because “it’s a good deal” if it’s not healthy for your body.  Don’t consume so much food that your body will struggle to digest just to “get your money’s worth.”  My doctor years ago, after several discussions on surgical procedures told me that after 5 years there’s a 15% success rate. Can’t help but to instantly do the math on that one and say that means that there’s 85% FAILURE rate.  Not good enough statistics for me to risk my life.  If you can only eat 1/2 cup of food after procedures why not make that change without a procedure at all and make that 1/2 cup of food count nutritionally. Anyways, I refuse to do either the by-pass or lapband.  It’s a quick fix with short-term results. Congratulations to you if you are in that 15%.  You have to want to lose the weight for yourself.  Don’t do it for any one, any thing or any reason other than for you personally.  My mindset today is as strong or stronger than it was when I started my program, my passage. I want to step outside of this exoskeleton and rediscover myself.  I am an honest, caring, intelligent, funny, intellectual, creative and beautiful person no matter what anyone else says.  There are qualities that I have that make me the best me that I can be but now I’m working towards my body reflecting that as well. I want to exude confidence and happiness from every pore of my being.  I AM DOING IT FOR ME!

When you read any of my blogs and want to make a remark, please do so.  I’m interested and want to know your perspective or feedback.  Off to go through smaller clothes! 

(My Breakfast) Something to try:

1 egg scrambled with a tablespoon of water     2 oz shredded cheddar                                                       1/2 high fiber, high protein, low cal tortilla (45 cals)

Pour scrambled egg into skillet and swirl to coat entire bottom.  Cook for a minute.  Sprinkle on cheese.  Cover with lid and sit off stove eye. Fold like an omelet or place on tortilla and roll. Season with fresh ground pepper and natural sea salt.


3 Comments so far

  1. Christine on May 20, 2011 11:21 am

    I think it is wonderful that you are taking control of your life. Weight loss is not fun. It is truly a difficult thing. I have suffered and so have some of my family with this for years. I wish you all the best and look forward to following you on your journey. Go get em girl!

  2. ferumbras on May 21, 2011 3:02 pm

    How’d that breakfast turn out? Sounds delicious!

  3. gum232 on May 21, 2011 4:43 pm

    Breakfast was yummy! I usually make eggs for breakfast, sometimes with cheese and typically 1/2 of a high fiber low cal flatbread or tortilla. If I don’t eat it together, I will take the flatbread or tortilla, sprinkle a little cinnamon and a packet of splenda on it. I’ll roll it up or sometimes I’ll feel funky and will cut it into about 10 mini-mini “cinnamon rolls.” It’s all in the imagination and mindset! Helps you take your time and eat it a little slower too. Enjoy:)

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