It’s amazing sometimes how plans can change in an instant. Long story short, I’ve not always had the best relationship with my parents. Nearly 12 years have passed with rare, awkward and sometime heart wrenching communication. This past October something clicked and know we’re talking! Yay! My kids have Grandparents now:)! They are my parents and I do love them. I’ll talk about the eating habits growing up another day.
Back to the present… as the situation was we were going to be stuck at home for Spring Break with the kids. Things took a turn and we were able to take a trip to see them. The best part is that they live in Largo, Fl! Yep! We got to go to Fl for a vacation.
Ugh! Vacation! What? Oh my! What am I going to eat?? Man we’re going to Florida! Man, seriously, what in the world am I going to eat? I was so torn. I had not told them anything about my current eating program. Then came the personal debate. Do I tell them? What am I going to do? I had to call them and tell them that we were coming. Through the excitement he mentioned something about eating out. After a breath and short prayer – here it goes…. I spilled my new found lifestyle, my eating habits and limitations. They were supportive and have been since I told them! After discussing what I had been doing and where I had gotten to they even wanted a copy of my “program” so they could go shopping.
Well I had to plan and plan and plan some more to figure out what I needed to take with us for 5 days of eating. The trip was great and the weather was amazing – duh! Loved the beach. I did it. This huge hurdle was before me when we pulled out of the driveway. Not only did I have to face eating out at numerous places I had to face my parents from whence I gained some of the worst attitudes towards food and habits that I am still struggling with daily. I don’t blame them for my problems at all because they never tied me down to force-feed me. I just had bad habits that I intend to defeat NOW. The worst part was the vacation schedule and not eating on “time”. We ate breakfast at the house and then some meals were out, including the meals while we were traveling to and from.
One situation was going into a buffet. What? No way?! I took in my scales and seasonings. Upon approaching the bar I walked along carefully scanning and scoping every container of food avoiding the dessert/pastry bar without a plate. After the return walk and taking a second look I chose plain salad shrimp on spinach with some steamed brocoli and strawberries. Plain and simple. I survived. Another meal was at a Greek restuarant where I ordered dry chicken and a plain salad on which I cut up an apple. I was so proud of myself.
On the trip home, the morning we left the hotel was THE WORST eating day since I started my program. First off this guy got the last boiled egg at the bar at the hotel – the only thing that I could have possibly eaten thus I wound up eating a meal replacement bar. Then at snack time this guy was taking forever to order anything at a sub store and I wasn’t patient enough to wait- argh! Then, yum, we stopped to eat at a nice restuarant at which I ordered dry salmon and a salad. The salmon came out oozing in oils so I sent it back. Then when the next one came out, as I cut into it, it was raw! I had to fight tears of anger/madness. We didn’t pay for the meal and I wound up going into a store for some cottage cheese. Needless to say, I ate dry chicken and steamed brocoli at several meals.
Finally, it was good to be home and then the worry worsened. How was my weight loss going to be affected? Had I gained? Had I lost? I had to face it one way or another. My nerves got to me and I had to go face it, with my tan! Hehehe, yeah, Florida was nice. I conquered! I prevailed! I lost 4 pounds on vacation! For a total of 36 pounds since Valentines. That was a definite convidence boost. My path is a long one. I have to do this for me. I am doing it for ME!
Oh, one last thought to share… as I was in a discussion with my mother at one point I made a remark that has reverberated in my head since I verbalized it “I am feeding my body.” Stop and think about that for a minute. Really – stop for a minute and meditate on this thought. I am feeding my body. It’s almost like an out of body experience. What crossed through your mind? Do you have thoughts like that which come along every once in a while that make a big difference in your life? The understanding that I am alive because of my body and what I choose to put in it is so deep. I’ve not really ever had that thought before and I hope that this view will stay with me for a long time through the numerous hurdles and obstacles that my passage will encounter. Let’s read each others blogs and support each other along the way.
So generally I have been “over-weight” my entire life, except when I got ill as a child and they thought I might have had leukemia. That produced my only “normal” size photo shots ever besides from being born. Here I am after how many years of consiously and unconsciously eating? What all have you tried on the road to being thin? being fit? being anything but morbidly obese? Now isn’t that just a degrading miserable label that they slap on people that don’t quite fit the height/weight charts?
What’s going on???? Could this be it? Could I have found what is going to work for me? Am I spending enough money to get to my goal? Finally, whatever is supposed to click – has! I AM DOING IT FOR ME! Follow my passage through hurdles high and low, through valleys deep and wide, through tears that run slow in agony and pour in rejoicing and through what I expect to be a long trying struggle to reach a healthy Heather. She’s under here somewhere just hankering to come out and play. I know I am what I am and I will be what I’ll be but through it all, again I say, I AM DOING IT FOR ME!
On February 14, 2011, after eating a couple Taco Bell 5 layer buritos for a quick lunch I made a life changing decission to improve the health of my body. I paused for a moment and told myself “This is it!” My weight and size is an embarassment. My family loves me, and I am more than blessed that they do, but I know there has been times that they wish I didn’t look the way I do. Wow! Now that’s hard to think about, well I usually don’t cause it wouldn’t do any good now would it?! Anyways, the question was posed… WHY do I want to lose weight? I couldn’t help but have tears trickling down my plump rosy cheeks. Where do I start? Alphabetically? The reasons are so numerous. It would take a long time to list all the WHYS about weight loss. Do you have one main reason or many? There’s thousands of little reasons but one big one – I AM DOING IT FOR ME! What’s going on?? I think I have the faith, interest and belief in myself to succeed now. To write that down makes me look pretty confident doesn’t it? Well to this point, five weeks in, I can boast. I deserve it. I have written every bite that goes into my mouth and weighed all my food to the ounce. I have lost 32 pounds and 35.5 inches!
If I can help anyone, say something, relate to you in any way to guide you into having the right attitude to lose any excess poundage that you choose to get rid of in a healthy manner then I feel as though it will be worth documenting my passage.
Passage? What is she talking about? Passage? Yes, I am referring to this weight loss effort as a passage. It’s a right of passage that I have challanged myself with in the path to travel through a series of goals to reach the ultimate goal of self perserverence. I AM DOING IT FOR ME! Follow my passage:). Please feel free to write and debate, constuctively and calmly, anything that I say or do that intrigues you to do so. You are obvioiusly concerned with your physical status on this planet, thus I need your inspiration as well.
Have a blessed day. Love yourself. Oh, and eat an apple a day:)