So on to this past weekend. I am a HUGE Chico Debarge fan. I found out he was coming to town, the tickets were inexpensive, and I couldn’t get the sorry ass guy I was dating (notice that verb is past tense) to take me, so I bought a ticket and went. OMG. That was $25 WELL SPENT. He was there with Anthony David…the show was EXCELLENT. Anthony David put on a great show - I went to amazon.com Saturday night and bought his CD. I highly recommend it. So onto the best part.

OOooooooooo Chico. So in his second song, he points at me and winks. I am cheesing at this point. So during the last song, he points at me again and asks me to come up to the stage. I am on cloud nine at this point. So I go up to the stage and stand with him a while, in complete shock. Nothing like this has ever happened to me in my entire LIFE. I finally get out of my dazed and confused state and dance with him! The whole way home, I was astonished. Here I am, and I’m thinking that I must have made a hell of an impression for him to pick me out of the crowd like that.

I think that was just the spark that I needed to get back on the right diet track, especially because I found out today that some of it was videotaped by someone in the audience and it is NOW ON YOUTUBE (the big girl in the black shirt and blue jeans,  dancing with him at the very beginning and taking a pic toward the end is me):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAw7Au41rgs

So I guess this was a bittersweet pill to swallow. I met the man of my dreams in person and danced with him! And he actually seems like a “nice” celebrity, not one that was full of himself. But the bitter part is - even though I’ve lost 50 pounds, that pic on youtube reminded me that I have a LONG way to go. I feel like the picture of myself in my head doesn’t match what I really look like. I thought i was smaller than that! That’s the way I thought I looked when I weighed 278, but then I saw one of my friend’s bridal party pictures from when I weighed 278….I was HUGE. Take a look for yourself - this is the pic I speak of (I’m on the left):

I still have a LOOOOOOOOOONG way to go.

P.S. Chico Debarge, I just want you to know that you’ve fulfilled this fat girl’s dreams. I thank you for that. I could never imagine in a million years that someone like you would even notice someone like me.

Thank you. It definitely makes my self esteem seem a little higher. So as a celebrity, I hope you always remember that a simple wink, a smile, a hug, a dance - might actually make someone feel better about themselves. You never know what kind of impact you might have on someone. So I’d like to let you know that those few minutes you spent with me at the concert, have had a lifetime impact, and I’ll NEVER forget them, or you. And you have my full support…I will ALWAYS be a Chico Debarge fan. You made me feel like a hot girl…even if it was only for one night.

Look in the background, in the mirror, and you can see it:

Wow, I can’t believe that’s really MY BODY…I actually have a shape!!!

This may be just the motivation I need to get it into gear again. There’s another one of those parties this weekend though with all my friends and the knockoff publix cake made by yours truly…which will require two more weeks of phase I after Saturday.

*Sigh…* I know I can’t live in isolation forever…but it’s ten times harder to remain on plan when hanging out with my friends and making that dayum cake! And they’re not the “reinforcers of the diet”…so to speak, so they’re forever telling me “just one slice of cake/pizza won’t hurt! Just one martini won’t hurt!”

I must be honest. Not drinking alcohol over the weekend was a struggle. Even though I was in insolation, I really wanted a glass of wine. I didn’t cave, though. I stuck to my guns. When I’m with my friends, though, it seems that we’re always drinking or eating something that’s not diet friendly.

Why is it that it’s so much easier to stick to my way of eating when I’m not around my friends? I haven’t been in exile for the past year, so whatever I was doing in the beginning when hanging with my friends, I really need to get back to that. Plus it’s ten times easier when I don’t have my friends in my ear, trying to coax me to go to the Cheesecake Factory or other restaurants.

Hmmm. Just something to think about.

It’s been kind of a rough summer, and I haven’t really been “weight loss motivated”. I think I’ve been going through the motions at about a 75% level. I went on a cruise last week, and I think that (combined with beginning to see a therapist) has given me a new level of motivation to get back on the train. I am up a few pounds post cruise (this morning the scale said 234), but I’m feeling pretty good about myself so I’m not too bummed out about it. I just had breakfast, a V8 and some nonfat yogurt with sugar free jello mixed in. I’m phase I-ing it for two weeks to make sure all the sugar is out my system. I’m about to head to the gym, and do a 60 minute workout.

Ahhhh, this summer. It’s been full of fun, but also full of trying times. As written about previously, Brandon and I broke up June 27th. I took it kind of hard the first month, but it is getting easier. My family and I have been at odds with each other because I told my brother he had to move out by September 1. He moved out last Friday…which has made me happy. They (my parents) are mad at me, because they don’t seem to understand why I won’t let a 25 year old man live with me rent free. They’ve called me selfish…said I couldn’t have gotten where I was without the help of others, etc. I think that seven months of free rent is sufficient enough help, and not the kind of help that my brother needs, so he’s gotta go. I’m not happy that they’re mad at me, but I’ve made peace with my decision.

Today, after I’m finished at the gym, it’s a day of “home improvement” projects. I’m going to give the house a thorough cleaning, put up a deadbolt, maybe paint some walls, clean the cars, maybe play a little nintendo once the chores are done. I’m actually looking forward to spending a little alone time. I also need to plan my menus for the week.

So it’s phase I for two weeks…I’m trying to get back on the wagon! Wish me luck.

So with that being said, dietwise, I’m doing pretty shittily (is that a word?). I’m not eating a lot (which is bad in and of itself) but I haven’t been getting the amount of veggies in that I need to eat. I am also not drinking enough water. I only went to the gym 3 times last week. I am proud of the fact that I haven’t been on a “sugar bender” - you know, when you are depressed and eat all kinds of junk, like Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, publix cake, chocolate chip cookies, etc. I am going to do a phase 1.5 next week though, so I can get back on the veggie train.

Que sera sera…

I have totally fallen in love with iced coffees. I get them with splenda and sugar free syrup, usually vanilla. YUM! I want to find a recipe so I can start making them at home.

In other news, my facebook status changed today from “single” to “in a relationship”. We decided yesterday that we are no longer dating other people and dating exclusively. We had our first (minor) fight this weekend, which led to that topic of conversation (and no, he wasn’t under duress or anything ) he told me himself that we were “together”…which is why I asked if we were still dating other people, and that was when he replied “no”, we are NOW EXCLUSIVE.

Wish me luck…I am in uncharted waters right now, on many different fronts.

Sunday - I had a date (yes, a real date ) with Brandon. We went to see Star Trek. It was really good, and there were a few hotties in the movie! I behaved myself foodwise. I brought a bag of celery and hummus and bypassed the evil popcorn.

Tuesday - I had an after work meeting which involved dinner. I went to The Olive Garden (not MY choice, I’m a Carrabba’s snob) and had grilled salmon, salad, and sauteed spinach. I did have two glasses of Riesling, though.

I’m trying to really get back on it today! Breakfast was yogurt, turkey sausage, and V8. Lunch is Trader Joe’s Tilapia Citronette and a HUGE salad. I have nuts, celery, hummus, and SF jello for snacks. I have my gym bag in the car, which means I can go straight to the gym from work and I don’t have any excuses. Dinner is the stuffed peppers I was supposed to be making on Monday. I haven’t stepped on the scale in two weeks. My clothes don’t feel tight, but they don’t feel any more loose than they did previously.

Gotta get back on track…gotta get back on track…I am also extending this Phase 1 until Monday of next week, since I’ve had two slip ups .

I had a really good time in Panama City during Memorial Day. I give myself a C- on the eating…I ate a healthy breakfast, semi healthy lunch, but I totally blew it most days during dinner. I didn’t work out So I totally give myself an F in that department. Since I’ve returned from Panama City, I haven’t been on plan 100% - and I notice a return of very strong carb cravings. Since I find myself craving carbs, I decided to do a hardcore Phase I - today I’ve had yogurt, a burger (plain - no bun, just onions), and a V8. Dinner will be a stuffed bell pepper and a salad with a TON of veggies. I did Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred yesterday, and I’ll be doing it again today when I get home. Here’s my dinner menus for the remainder of the week:

I went yesterday, and bought all the food I needed to have a successful Phase I. Wish me luck!

In “budding relationship” news, I had a really good time with Brandon in Florida. A road trip can be a major test of a relationship, and he passed with flying colors. We had a wonderful time! I didn’t see any major red flags at all. We didn’t have any fights, disagreements, nothing. Last night, we went on a date to the movies - we went to see Star Trek (which was really good, BTW). Here’s a few pics from vacation:

Here’s my plan:

So there’s my strategy for this weekend. Maybe I can get Brandon to work out with me. I might even pack Jillian Michaels up and take her with me, LOL. I think there may be a DVD player in the condo, so I could do her workouts as well.

Speaking of Brandon, he called me his girl last night. I know I sound like a 17 year old kid, but I can’t help it! It’s been a long time since I have felt like this about anyone - and it seems the feelings are reciprocal. Things are going very well between us, and I definitely think we’re going to have a blast this weekend.

Wish me luck this weekend - hopefully I won’t need it on all fronts (exercise, diet, and relationship)…

****drum roll please****

227!

That number is monumental for three reasons:

I am so excited I could scream. I decided to dress up a little for work to celebrate my victory. I’m sitting here at work with a cute pair of jeans, a sexy tank top, and 4″ heels on. I have a jacket with me, in case one of the guys I work with starts leering a little too much, lol. I don’t usually push the wardrobe limits at work, but I decided to today, since I’m feeling super sexy and stoked about my weight loss efforts. I’m going to get my hair done today also, the ten year college class reunion is this weekend (which means I will NOT be in the gym today. This hair thing and exercise is REALLY that serious! And so the hair vs. exercise struggle continues…but I’m not going to be pessimistic Paula today)!

I also realized something yesterday…I was thinking about this whole weight loss thing since I’ve been on south beach, and I realize that lately I haven’t been feeling like I’m on a diet. I still eat out occasionally, and I find myself eating SBD friendly foods without thinking about it. For example, yesterday I made myself lunch for work, and it was so good, I enjoyed every bit of it. I had a grilled cheddar cheese burger (extra sharp cheddar, no bread, extra onions), with a big salad, chock full of vegetables like onions, radishes, cucumber, green onions, tomatoes, and a tiny bit of cheddar cheese. I was full and satisfied (but not miserable) when I got done eating.

I make desserts at home when I want dessert, that are totally on plan. For example, I make this “cheesecake delight” dessert, it’s SBD friendly whipped topping, with SF cheesecake jello mixed in. Sometimes I slice up strawberries and put them in the mixture. It’s very tasty and 100% on plan (even though some might consider it a frankenfood. I consider it “keep Paula out of trouble food”, so it works for me). My eating habits have totally changed, though, and I think that my way of thinking when it comes to food has also changed. I don’t eat until I’m miserable anymore. If I have a meal that’s off plan then I get right back on plan with the next meal - and I don’t go off plan with the whole entire meal, just small things here and there (for example, I might eat croutons on a salad occasionally). If I drink alcohol, most times I drink wine, or I try to have a drink with sugar free mixers. If I have a non SBD friendly dessert, I share it with others, and I think I have “broken” the sugar addiction, so I might have a piece of chocolate or two, and then I’m done. When I was severely addicted to sugar, one piece would turn into two, two would turn into four, and four would turn into the whole box. Back in the day I could eat five or six pieces of Godiva in one sitting! Now, I might eat one or two, savor them, and then I’m good. I never understood that concept in the past…when I was on weight watchers people would say that and I just didn’t “get it”! Now, I do believe there is definitely a sugar addiction, and people who are addicted to sugar can’t have just one cookie.

I’ve also been on this diet for almost a year now. I’m so proud of myself today!!! Onederland HERE I COME!