I want to be the “Hot Girl”…
My journey to not be invisible and overlooked anymore! And as big as I am (was) I shouldn’t be invisible…
So now that the weather here in Dallas is feeling absolutely fabulous…I’ve gotten back into running. While on my 5 mile run today, I made a realization.
So back this train up a little bit…
My first race that I ran after I started running was a 10k (yeah I do it big when I make up my mind to do something, usually)! I actually did pretty well considering it was my first race and all - and the competitive bitch in me was absolutely thrilled that my timing was better than my friends who ran the same race.
After running that race, I decided that I would run at least one race per year while I am physically able to do so.
So last year’s race was a 5k here in Dallas. My time improved a bit, but not as much as I hoped it would.
I’ve signed up for a race this year - the Dallas Glow Run 5k. Kinda like the rave of running. I’m absolutely thrilled to run this race. http://www.glowrun5k.com/dallas.php
Anyway. Back to this morning’s run. So I’ve been wondering why I haven’t taken on another 10k. I can do it right?
I realized this morning that I am SCARED.
But if I’m running 5 miles on a regular basis, what’s another mile added onto that???!?!?!?!? I mean, a 10k is 6.2 miles, right????
I believe a good part of exercise willpower is psychological - that oftentimes it’s a mental mind f*** (or lack thereof if you can overcome your exercise obstacles). Now dieting willpower is a totally different story, but I digress. We’re not talking about “dieting willpower” and my belief that there are physiological issues that cause people to “lack willpower” when it comes to dieting.
So I need to fight this mental obstacle which is hindering me from taking on another 10k.
My fear stems from:
- I’m scared that I’ll do worse than I did the first time I ran the 10k
- Scared that I can’t do it (not rational! I run 5 miles on Saturdays and Sundays NOW)
- I’m scared that the first 10k was a fluke
- I’m scared that I’m a fraud as a runner - especially because I am a “big girl” and I get the “side eye” from people a lot of times when I tell them that I’m a runner. Maybe I’ll make these people, my nonbelievers, out to be right, if I attempt another 10k.
My ultimate goal is to run a half marathon (i don’t know when because I’m definitely not ready now) - because I’m only half crazy…
But I have to get over this “fear” that I have that I’m not a “real” runner first.
I absolutely hate the word “haters”, but in this case, I guess I need to let my “haters” be my motivators…