It’s always fun and slightly painful to find old diaries. On the one hand, it’s so interesting to see a glimpse of your old self and see what sorts of idea, thoughts, goals, and mindsets have stayed the same as well as the ones that have changed. It’s much like sitting down with an old friend you haven’t seen in awhile and sharing a cup of coffee. On the other hand, it can also be super painful. What did I want to do with myself? I really thought that? Past self, COULDNT YOU HAVE DONE SOMETHING DIFFERENTLY?
I definitely had one of those moments with this blog. In fact, up until about 15 minutes ago, I had forgotten it existed. Funny how the deepest recesses of the internet can be so similar to my incredibly messy closet.
Reading the blog entries from last summer was pretty amazing and a great reminder of how far I have come in my journey to create a happier, healthier self. While I still do struggle with the occasional food binge and lack of will to get my ass moving and just do another work out, I’ve been fairly consistent with my commitment and currently have gotten myself down to 145 lbs. Sometimes I struggle with this number, mostly because I’ve been in and around that number for awhile now, but admittedly, it becomes so much easier to swallow when I realized that a little over 14 months ago, I was at 182.
Wow. I had no idea I had left myself get that heavy again. Past self, even though I question some of your literary stylings in your blog posting and diary keeping, good job (on the whole!) with your food and exercise choices!
I’m also glad I found this blog again, because recently I’ve recommitted, or maybe started a brand new commitment to a brand new phase in my life. Now that I’m so close to my goal weight (100 lbs lower than that fateful day almost 7 years ago when I stepped on the scale and saw the number 232, hence my goal weight of 132), I’m finding that I’m having to work harder than ever to lose that last 15 lbs or so. While I did get a tad lazy over the summer with the work outs and eat out and drank a little too much, I was happy to be maintaining. However, I’m leaving for Thailand for a year in about three weeks and want to start that journey in the healthy state of mind and body that I can. Which leads me to my new goal–to reach my goal weight and even scarier, to maintain it (eek!)
I’m a littler nervous for a couple of reasons. First of all, I’ve never had to think in maintenance before. Even though I’ve been consistently dropping weight for the past 7 years or so, more or less, I’ve always had weight to loose. So how will I deal when I don’t concentrate on smaller number but seeing the same one? I’m hoping that the adjustments that I’ve made to my life such as making smart food choices and falling love with running and exercise (or more accurate, how they make me feel; I may never actually love the workout itself) will be permanent chances that will make staying healthy easy.
My bigger dilemma however, is that I’m leaving the country. While I am BEYOND excited to live in Thailand for a year, I have a lot of questions about what that’ll do for my lifestyle. Obviously, my lifestyle is going to change drastically. I’ll be in a completely different culture doing things that are different, probably even more so than I realize. So, what will that mean for my eating and exercising habits?
The fact of the matter is, I’m not sure, but I do know that if there’s one thing that I learned during this epic journey of finding a healthy balance, it’s that I ultimately am in control of what I do and put in my body. I know I can carry that with me regardless of where I go or where I end up. That in itself is reassuring.
All the same, I plan to spend the next three weeks eating as healthfully as I can, enjoying the last bit of summer produce and familiar runs, and prepare myself as much as possible for my next big adventure.
Much love y’all.