Love the good life, hate the 50 pounds it’s added

So I am slipping back to my nasty lifestyle and habits. A little out of no-choice but mostly out of bad choices.

The last couple of months have been eventful- physically and emotionally exhausting. I finally filed for my divorce. My parents moved to another city and I have moved to my own pad. Its barely been a month and I still miss them terribly. My house is still not set, so no gas. And no cooking at home. Which means I am ordering in food everyday. Even then it would be ok but I am ordering all the wrong things- a lot of Chinese (terrible!), ice creams and chocolates. I went through 8 large bars of snickers over the weekend. Why do I do this to myself? Why! Why! Why!

My weight is 167 lbs (I’d gone down to 161 a couple of months back). I need to get back to action. Need to start exercising.

Somebody tell me how. Help!

Am alive. Just really busy. Will be travelling, starting this Friday, and will be back mid next month. See you all then.

Weight today: 161 lbs

Exercise: 1 hr cardio + abs + stretches + 15 mins walk to gym (managed to hit the gym after many many days)

I have been away from this blog for a really really long time. The last week was a killer at work. I worked late every night, and slept at 2- 3:30 am every night. Understandably, I had no energy to do anything other than work and catch a few hours of sleep. So no blogging, no gym, no control over food. I weighed in at 165 lbs yesterday. Thankfully, it’s back to 163 lbs today.

I’d intended to make May a good month. But I’ve not been a very good girl. I must admit that I have been taking it pretty slack the last couple of months. I’ve eaten well (and cheated often), I’ve been drinking once in a while and I’ve exercised on an average every alternate day. But the point is that I have not gained weight! Isn’t that great? I have fluctuated up and down within a 4 pound range, but I’ve not gone above 165 lbs. (Though I don’t know if the fluctuations are good, or are they normal?)Anyways, the point is that the last couple of months I have felt like I’ve really indulged myself. March, I pushed myself as hard as I could. I worked out practically everyday. I hardly cheated. I know that I wouldn’t be able to sustain a March-like month life-long. But the last couple of months were good. And I wouldn’t have a hard time living like that. And if I can manage to keep my weight in check, I think I may have just cracked my maintenance strategy. Of course, the maintenance bit will come in only once I’ve lost all the weight. But it’s good to know that I will not necessarily be putting it all back on. A little prudence and a little indulgence is all that it takes.

Weight: 163 lbs

Exercise: 50 mins cardio + 20 mins crunches & stretches + 15 min walk

I have not written in a long long time. Yes, I have been busy. But then, aren’t we all. And the trick about this whole weight loss journey, that I realised at this point in my life, is that I have to stop making excuses. I am responsible for all my actions. So if I over-eat (or drink too many glasses of wine like last night), I do it knowing fully-well that there will be consequences. My life is my choice, everything that happens to me is my decision. If I want to be entertained, I am the one who gets to choose from movies, pubbing, hanging out with friends, shopping, etc, etc. Yes, everything I do is my own doing. And likewise if I want to lose weight or I want to blog regularly, I should make time for it. Because I can if I want to, no matter how busy I am.

On a good note, I am doing the May challenge with all seriousness. I didn’t get a star for a food yesterday. And I didn’t hit the gym today morning. But I’ll try and go for a walk today evening.

Weight: 165 lbs (crept right back… sigh!)

Exercise: Not as yet

Yay! I am back on track. I’ve dropped 2.5 lbs since yesterday. Must be all the water-retention weight that’s dropped off. But it does feel good. I was feeling pretty low to see my weight so high yesterday. Went to the gym today morning after 5 days and managed to put in 1.5 hrs altogether. I’ve completed my Level 2 salsa and my next level is starting only in May. So I’ll have to figure out what I’ll be doing for exercise over the weekends. Maybe I can go to the gym on Saturday and just go for a walk on Sunday. Let’s see. I certainly can’t rest on weekends. I’m far behind in the April challenge as it is. So here’s to pushing the limits and over achieving this month’s targets as well.

Weight: 167 lbs

Exercise: 32 mins cardio + 40 mins weights + 5 mins stretching + 15 mins brisk walk to gym

        Yay! Unbelievable but yay!

I kind of over did the food last week. On Friday I ate a sumptuous meal of pork ribs in barbeque sauce with garlic bread. Yummy! AND I also had a scoop of chocolate ice cream. Terrible, I know. But, the funny thing is that I can no longer binge the way I used to. Earlier I would have a minimum of two scoops of ice-cream, if not a half kg tub (which used to be my standard ice-cream serving). And now, it’s rare that I have more than one scoop. I actually feel sick. And between feeling sick and feeling guilty I just can’t over eat the way I used to. And I really feel great about it. This is one change about me that I am proud of.

In addition to indulging myself on food, I was also fairly lazy last week about gym. I managed to go only thrice, which is pretty bad. This week I must go at least the 5 times I had promised myself when I started gymming. Btw, I am planning to upgrade my one-month membership to three months.

My weight’s up today. It must be a result of less exercise and more food. Need to correct it before it goes up any further.

Weight: 170.5 lbs

Exercise: 25 mins arc trainer + 20 mins treadmill + 10 mins bike + ab crunches + stretches + 15 mins walk to gym

I’ve been lazy today. A family friend of mine has been visiting the city. His band performed last night at a very popular and posh club. So, I obviously went there, to express my support. To cut a long story short, it was a late night. And while I didn’t cheat on food and stuck to the two glasses of red wine allowed in my diet, it got really late. I put my morning alarm with full intentions to go to the gym. But when the alarm rang, I had had just four hours of sleep. So I just switched it off and went back to sleep. I know I should probably feel guilty. But I don’t. And that’s because I know I’ll get right back on the wagon. I am not going to slip like I have in the past. Because this time, I am genuinely enjoying the exercise and the results.

The good news is that I weighed myself and I’m still the same as yesterday. So maybe, just maybe, I have finally arrived into the 160s

Weight: 169.5 lbs

Exercise: Only the twisting around in my sleep

Today was strength training day at the gym. As it was my first day, I did very little. And most of the exercises were just one set. I guess slow and steady is the best way to do it. It was basically a very relaxed session, but I did get pretty irritated with the trainer. He was making me do stretches and I was doing this strange stretch when I said that I felt it in my shoulders. And he said ‘You’re supposed to feel it in your shoulders, not in your head’. Now I don’t know whether it is PMS (or maybe some new ‘exercise’ hormones in my body) but I did get offended. Really, his comment and tone were uncalled for.

I don’t know about you guys, but I have noticed that men treat thin (sexy) women very differently from fat (un-sexy women). Seriously, in all probability my trainer wouldn’t make such disparaging statements to a slim girl. I hate the fact that men just put you into brackets based on your body size.

So, to whom it may concern, please note that just because I am fat it does not mean

1. I have a thick skin and I don’t get hurt

2. Just because I look fat and jovial, I can laugh off all the jokes you make at my expense

3. I am easy and you’re doing me favour by giving me attention, just because you think that I would be grateful for anything I get

4. I will waddle on the dance floor. (Ask me to dance and I’ll show you how graceful I am, and that I’m a much better dancer than you)

5. I will welcome uninvited weight loss advice. ‘Don’t eat chocolates and ice-creams’. ‘You should exercise’. ‘Pants make your butt look big’. Thank you, I didn’t know that already!

6. I don’t like wearing horizontal stripes

7. I like being hugged all the time. Really! Big breasts don’t come with welcome notes attached.

8. I am unattractive

Yours angrily,

Me

On a more positive note, I did manage to wake up at 6:30 am and drag myself to the gym, despite sleeping after 1:30 am.

I have not much felt like writing these last few days. I have not been cheating. Not exercising either. I don’t seem to be able to get enthusiasm to do anything actually. Even compliments are no longer making much of a difference to me. I am hoping that this is just a short phase. Maybe its the onset of pms. I need to feel the need to lose weight. Or else, I will give up on this whole thing very soon. I didn’t even weigh myself in the last couple of days. Imagine that! Yesterday, a male colleague commented saying ‘Are you wearing jeans or pyjamas’. Ordinarily I would have been thrilled at that backhanded compliment. My tight jeans have become so loose that they look like pyjamas. That should have made me thrilled. Whereas, I was like ‘whatever’. I need to snap out of this indifference soon. Very soon.

I’m not going to add my today’s reason for weight loss, as it would be insincere.