So much for trying to be good

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I ate a bowlful of ice-cream yesterday (vanilla flavour, which  means fewer calories, or so I try to convince myself) AND I didn’t manage to get to the gym. I have been feeling a little tired these last couple of days. Must be the change in weather. Bombay is HOT and these are early days of summer yet. It’s so hot, it’s an effort to go anywhere or do anything. I wish I could just sit in one place (Like Joey and Chandler in Friends) and not move for a couple of days. So anyways, I have just not been able to motivate myself to hit the gym this week. Only twice this week (Tuesday and today-Thursday).

Having said that, TODAY I am going to try harder to be good. I did go to the gym, didn’t I?! And I really enjoyed the exercise. And oh! My weight dropped to 167 lbs yesterday (and it continued to be the same today). I am keeping my fingers crossed. Am crossing my toes as well, just in case it helps. :)

Weight: 167 lbs

Exercise: 35 mins cardio + 40 mins strength training + stretching + 15 mins walk

Committing hara-kiri

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The last 10 days have been horrible (discipline-wise). Oh I’ve had fun. I’ve eaten foods that I’d not allowed myself for the last 8 months or so. And it seemed like a dam broke open. I knew it would be a difficult month. First I had the work trip and then my brother was in town for 5 days, which meant our favourite meals at home. And I’d told myself that this month I would be ok with not losing any, as I’d lost a lot last month. So this month would be a maintenance month. And I ate and ate (but exercised to make up for the food excesses).  Unfortunately for me, 1.5 hrs of exercise in a day does not make up for gluttony for the rest of the day. And so, here I am 4 lbs heavier than I was at the beginning of the month. This is so sickening. I can’t believe that I did this to myself. This is hara-kiri. I knowingly let myself go. Now, I’m taking charge of my life again. I am back to being careful about food. And no cheating AT ALL. I’ve realised that a little cheating here and there adds up to a lot of cheating, which in turn adds up to 4 lbs!

Anyways, I have set myself up with 3 challenges- with my Dad, my friend S and my Bro.

The first is with my Dad. We’re competing for who gets to 74 kgs first (162.8 lbs). This bet has been on for a while. And I am hoping that now with my newly resolved will-power I shall achieve it by first week of May.

The next challenge is with my friend S. Both of us have to lose weight. Though she has a lot less to lose. Our challenge is that we both lose around 10 pounds by June 26th (3 months from March 26th which was when we shook hands on the challenge). So I’m aiming for 154 lbs and she for 121 lbs. (She’s around 5 inches shorter than me)

The third and last challenge is with my brother. We both want to eventually lose around 20-25 lbs. So our challenge is who gets there first. My target is 143 lbs and his is 187 lbs. We’ve given ourselves till November. Which gives us enough time to realistically achieve our goals.

Phew! That’s three challenges I just have to win. And the ones with my Dad and my Bro are bets more than challenges. My father refused to bet anything. But with my Bro, we’ve agreed that whoever loses has to visit the other for a weekend/ holiday. With the increasing airfares, this is going to be one costly bet to lose!

The stats today:-

Weight: 169 lbs

Exercise: 50 mins cardio + abs + stretches + 15 mins walk to gym

Back to the ‘ol springboard

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I indulged (and how!) the last three days. I ate (everything possible) and drank (a lot, including the dreaded super-fattening beer). And unsurprisingly, I weighed in at 169.5 lbs. My God! That’s like 3.5 lbs in 3 days. That’s crazy. I am hoping that some of it is water weight. Otherwise I have 7 lbs to lose this month, as per the target I have laid out for myself. And that’s a scary thought. I really did want to go the gym today but I returned from my trip yesterday late afternoon and I was super exhausted. I am back to my regular eating pattern. So that’s some good news. Tomorrow, I get back to exercising. I am also way behind in the April challenge. So I have to pull up my socks, literally!

Weight: 169.5 lbs

Exercise: Nada

:(

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I couldn’t help it. I just had a whole packet of choco-nut cookies. I figured that if I keep dreaming about them and deny myself, I’ll probably binge on other things and add the same weight. However, it wasn’t at satisfying as one would think. For one, they were over in a jiffy. Secondly, it was 41g carbs and 340 calories. Why do I do this to myself? Why? Why? Why?

Weigh in nightmares

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And so, I weighed in at a freaking 182 pounds today. Yes, I did go to a food festival yesterday and had lots of free chocolates, cheeses and some beer and wine. But that’s almost five pounds more that my last weigh in. Five pounds! Obviously my body is more sensitive to excesses than I thought. It’s damn unfair. Five bloody pounds. So I guess I am back to keeping tab on every morsel that I eat. It seems like the last few months have been in vain. I have just been going up and down the same five pounds.

On a happier note, I have completed my first week of c25k. Today I started on my second week. And boy, was I panting or what. Which is surprising, as there isn’t much difference in week 1 and week 2. I guess the weekend was hectic and I should have rested more. I think I am going to start doing more than just 3 days a week, if I can. I am apprehensive about becoming too compulsive about the exercising. I know my pattern. I always start off with such a bang and then I just cannot sustain it.  So I invariably taper off in about a month and then completely give up. So this time I really wanted to start slow and build up the tempo. But three times a week just doesn’t seem like enough exercise to me.

Anyways, am a little low today. Five pounds can really pull you down. I wonder if I could have gained some weight because I started exercising. But it’s unlikely as I have actually just done four days.

I need to see the scales dip back. Really fast. This is as demotivating as it gets!

No cheating

Cheating, Exercise 1 Comment »

Life has not been too eventful this week. I have more of less stuck to my diet except that I had a big piece of chocolate cake yesterday. It was my boss’ birthday celebration and it would have been rude to refuse. Although I could have had a smaller piece. But I thought at that moment that since I was already sinning I might as well do justice to it. Like Oscar Wilde said ‘The best way to deal with temptation is to give in to it’.

I have been reading that these little cheats always end up on big cheats and then eventually results in giving up on it entirely. And this holds true for diet as well as exercise. If I feel an occasional one piece cake doesn’t make much of difference to my weight-loss, I will start having it more often. And before I realise I will be eating one piece cake, one bowl ice-cream, two bars of chocolates and one packet chocolate cookies. I shudder at the thought of it now. But I know, with me, it is a pattern. In my past phases of exercising, I have always started with a lot of enthusiasm. Then slowly, usually after about a month, I would start missing days (I always had excuses- work, tiredness, rain, etc, etc) and then would completely stop all exercising.

Yes, I know the signs well. I have had a lot of practice. And maybe it is starting so I have to be even more careful. It started with my weekend chocolate cheats and then my huge 5-desserts binge last Saturday. Some more dessert (albeit sugar free) on Sunday and then the cake yesterday. It just has to stop.

I have not yet started exercising and that worries me. How do I motivate myself?

 

Today’s reason for losing weight…

Reason no 11: So I can have the occasional chocolate cake, knowing that I just have to burn just those calories to maintain weight (as opposed to burning those calories over and above what I have to burn to lose weight)

 

Note to self: My reasons are getting longer with every post. Have to learn to keep them succinct.

Fifth week weigh-in

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It’s been a horrible horrible beginning to the week. It first started with the weigh-in yesterday morning. No change at all. Am at around 184 pounds. That’s four pounds more than my planned target. Secondly, I had intended to start exercising yesterday. If nothing, then at least walking. I didn’t even do that. No exercise today either. And the worst today I had more than 10 biscuits- two choco-chip cookies, three pineapple cream biscuits, three salty-sweet biscuits, two butter-cashew cookies. I think that’s it, give or take a few biscuits. How could I? Don’t I have any shame? Not only have I not lost any weight for the last two weeks, I am not exercising and I am binging like it’s my last week on planet earth. I have to snap out of this mood at any cost. Today around 4-5 people told me that I was looking noticeably slimmer.  That should motivate me to move towards my goal rather than get stuck and behave like an imbecile fool. I have never managed to stick to something for long, but this time I have to. Just to prove to myself I can do it.

 

Reason no 7: To have faith in my self-worth.

Lazy sunday

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It was an ok day, except that I gave in to my chocolate cravings (yesterday and today). I managed to buy no-sugar-added low-carb chocolate, so hopefully it didn’t do too much damage. I just need to learn to have smaller portions. I get so excited to be able to have chocolate I overdo it. Actually, I’ve realized that it may be better if I didn’t have any chocolate at all. Maybe there will come a time in my life when I have enough will-power, or even better a complete indifference, to chocolate. Have stayed away from ice-creams completely (except for the small bowl last Sunday as ice creams are my absolutely biggest weakness). I was thinking, I used to go through half kg tubs with my husband and he never said anything. At that point I used to think that he loves me so much. Now I sometimes think that maybe he didn’t care enough. He could have seen that it was doing me a lot of damage. Anyways what is done is done. No more ice-creams for me. And hopefully, in time, I’ll be able to stay away from chocolates as well.

Wish me luck girls. Tomorrow I plan to start walking. I pray that I’m able to continue it.

I shall. I am strong if I want to be.

Tomorrow’s my weigh-in day. I am nervous. I hope I haven’t put on any weight.

 

My reasons… continued…

Reason no. 6: To overcome the self-doubts I have about myself

Back with a bang

Cheating 1 Comment »

I have not managed to post for the past four days. The first two days, I was busy with a shoot. Yesterday was spent taking my dog to the vet and then meetings at work. Today being a Sunday, I’ve just been pure lazy.

GUILTY: I have cheated majorly on my diet. I have gone through three 100g chocolate bars and one packet of sugar-free sweets. Though the chocolate as well as the sweets were low-fat, so much of it couldn’t have been good. Also, the two days of the shoot I had outside food and also gave in to the temptation of cheese sandwich both days. Today I also had a small bowl of vanilla ice-cream. Cheat cheat cheat! I weighed myself in the morning. Am at 183.5 pounds and almost 4 pounds away from the target I had planned for this month end. God only knows how my cheating will affect my weight.

Anyways, no point in crying over what’s been done. I must now resolve harder to loose weight. I need to start exercising. Otherwise I don’t think I will see any more reduction in weight. And it would be great to be in the 170s by my birthday in October.

Here’s to going back to track with a bang, starting now.

Good (weight-loss) day all!


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