Love the good life, hate the 50 pounds it’s added

So I am slipping back to my nasty lifestyle and habits. A little out of no-choice but mostly out of bad choices.

The last couple of months have been eventful- physically and emotionally exhausting. I finally filed for my divorce. My parents moved to another city and I have moved to my own pad. Its barely been a month and I still miss them terribly. My house is still not set, so no gas. And no cooking at home. Which means I am ordering in food everyday. Even then it would be ok but I am ordering all the wrong things- a lot of Chinese (terrible!), ice creams and chocolates. I went through 8 large bars of snickers over the weekend. Why do I do this to myself? Why! Why! Why!

My weight is 167 lbs (I’d gone down to 161 a couple of months back). I need to get back to action. Need to start exercising.

Somebody tell me how. Help!

It’s amazing how time just flies. It seems like just the other day that I last posted. And that’s almost two months ago! I went for my holiday as planned. I had full intentions to get back to my disciplined life once I rejoined work, but I fell sick. And have been demotivated ever since. I feel sick and tired all the time. Mine is the kind of tiredness where I don’t feel sick enough to miss office (which means I am working long hard hours through the week) but I feel sick and tired enough to use it as an excuse. And yesterday I suddenly realised that it’s been two months. I paid A LOT of money for the gym and it’s getting wasted. So I finally pushed myself to hit the gym. And unsurprisingly, I feel so much better. Why don’t I get this into my head? I feel stupid. It’s something I re-learn every time. The truth is that I get stuck in this vicious circle. I feel tired so I don’t exercise and then I feel even more tired. And all I need to do is exercise. It’s as simple as that. Stupid stupid me!

Weight today: 163 lbs

Next weight goal is to go below 160 lbs by Sept 1. I can do it. I can. I can.

Am alive. Just really busy. Will be travelling, starting this Friday, and will be back mid next month. See you all then.

Weight today: 161 lbs

Exercise: 1 hr cardio + abs + stretches + 15 mins walk to gym (managed to hit the gym after many many days)

I have been crazy busy at work. It’s the same story as the last month (irregular at the gym, finding it hard to stick to diet). Thankfully I am so definite about losing the last 25 lbs that I know I will do it.  But what really helps me in keeping myself motivated is the people around me.

I have a funny incident to relate from last Friday. After a long hectic week I’d managed to meet up with D, an old friend and ex work colleague of mine. (Since we were both working till late we met only around 11:30 pm.) We went to a popular pub near my place for a drink or two. The evening started out on a good note. My friend complimented me on how much weight I’d lost since he last saw me. (The last time we met was in November when my weight was around 15 lbs more. Since then I’ve added a lot of muscle as well. So the difference must be very noticeable). Anyways, we were standing nursing a drink (I was too tired to even drink) when an ex-colleague of ours spotted D. She came over and started chatting with D and COMPLETELY ignored me. I was a little miffed at being ignored so blatantly so I tapped her and said Hi. She gave me a blank look and turned back to D asking him to introduce us. And D said, ‘you know her, that is S’. The girl’s reaction was beautiful (It plays in my head and I laugh every time). Her mouth dropped and she covered her face, typical beauty-queen-shock style. Finally when she spoke, she said that she simply could not recognise me. She complimented me on how much weight I’ve lost and that I should tell her how I managed to achieve such a miracle (not that she needs to lose any weight). To say the least, I forgave her instantly.

Like I said, the people around keep me going.

The weight keeps fluctuating. Today it was at 161.5 lbs.

I have been away from this blog for a really really long time. The last week was a killer at work. I worked late every night, and slept at 2- 3:30 am every night. Understandably, I had no energy to do anything other than work and catch a few hours of sleep. So no blogging, no gym, no control over food. I weighed in at 165 lbs yesterday. Thankfully, it’s back to 163 lbs today.

I’d intended to make May a good month. But I’ve not been a very good girl. I must admit that I have been taking it pretty slack the last couple of months. I’ve eaten well (and cheated often), I’ve been drinking once in a while and I’ve exercised on an average every alternate day. But the point is that I have not gained weight! Isn’t that great? I have fluctuated up and down within a 4 pound range, but I’ve not gone above 165 lbs. (Though I don’t know if the fluctuations are good, or are they normal?)Anyways, the point is that the last couple of months I have felt like I’ve really indulged myself. March, I pushed myself as hard as I could. I worked out practically everyday. I hardly cheated. I know that I wouldn’t be able to sustain a March-like month life-long. But the last couple of months were good. And I wouldn’t have a hard time living like that. And if I can manage to keep my weight in check, I think I may have just cracked my maintenance strategy. Of course, the maintenance bit will come in only once I’ve lost all the weight. But it’s good to know that I will not necessarily be putting it all back on. A little prudence and a little indulgence is all that it takes.

Weight: 163 lbs

Exercise: 50 mins cardio + 20 mins crunches & stretches + 15 min walk

I’ve said often enough on this blog that I’ve battled weight all my life. I have been overweight most of my adult life. And till recently I excused it with the standard ‘I have a big bone structure’, ‘I have slow metabolism’, ‘Bad genes’, etc, etc. Sound familiar? And through all these excuses I’ve been jealous of the thin girls (not the ‘I will kill you, you b***h’ kind of jealous but more like ‘why only her? why not me too?’ kind of jealous). Yes, I have been jealous. And it’s only now that I realise that I have no need to be. Let me tell you about an incident in office.

I was chatting with a couple of really slim PYTs in office the other day. And we were making plans to go for a live band performance. And I said that going out would mean a late night and that these days I prefer to get to bed early so I can hit the gym in the morning. And much to my surprise, both the girls nodded their head in understanding. It turned out that both of them go running every morning. Not the ‘thrice a week routine adequate for general fitness’. But every morning. So yes, they eat as much as they want. But they exercise almost everyday.

Later that evening I sat back and thought about all the slim women I know, starting from my mother. And I realised, good genes aside, my mother has always been careful about not overindulging. She’s regularly weighed herself. If she puts on some weight, she automatically cuts back in her diet till her weight stabilises. All the slim women I’ve met are all careful either about their diet or exercise or both. Sometimes, they’re not even aware of it. It’s inbuilt in their system. It’s a way of life with them. And that’s how I have finally managed to sustain the weight loss for so long. I’ve made it a way of life. And this is how it’ll be for the rest of my life. And it’s easy. Really. It ain’t rocket science.

Weight today: 161.5 lbs.

Doing the ‘weight’s going down and downer’ dance

Morning Exercise: 30 mins cross trainer + 30 mins treadmill + 20 mins crunches, etc and stretching + 15 min walk to gym

Well hello. It’s a new week, again. I’d wanted to get back to action starting today. But I didn’t manage to get to the gym this morning. I slept only after 1:00 am and while I woke up at 6:30 am today morning with the intent of going to the gym, my body refused. It’s been a tough last week. I was at an official function till 10 pm last night and while I could have managed to get to bed earlier than I did, I didn’t. So my commitment to myself this week is to be disciplined.

My weight is more or less steady at 164 lbs. It fluctuates up and down one pound. I guess that’s acceptable.

I really do want to get to my goal end weight of around 135 lbs. But that daunts me. That’s like 30 more lbs to lose! I think I would be ok with 143 lbs. But that would not leave me any scope for fluctuations. A little holiday weight and I’ll be in the overweight range. 

I know that I have lost a decent amount of weight in the last 9 months. I have. And it’s showing. But I really do want to be at my desired weight soon. I know its up to me. I have not really been disciplined about food or exercise the last month and a half. I better get my act together. Like, now. Wish me luck guys.

I have not written in a long long time. Yes, I have been busy. But then, aren’t we all. And the trick about this whole weight loss journey, that I realised at this point in my life, is that I have to stop making excuses. I am responsible for all my actions. So if I over-eat (or drink too many glasses of wine like last night), I do it knowing fully-well that there will be consequences. My life is my choice, everything that happens to me is my decision. If I want to be entertained, I am the one who gets to choose from movies, pubbing, hanging out with friends, shopping, etc, etc. Yes, everything I do is my own doing. And likewise if I want to lose weight or I want to blog regularly, I should make time for it. Because I can if I want to, no matter how busy I am.

On a good note, I am doing the May challenge with all seriousness. I didn’t get a star for a food yesterday. And I didn’t hit the gym today morning. But I’ll try and go for a walk today evening.

Weight: 165 lbs (crept right back… sigh!)

Exercise: Not as yet

Magically today, like last month, the day after I finished my periods my weight dropped. Ladies (and gentlemen) today I weighed in at 163 pounds. *Bow*.

My God. This feels so good. Specially because I have been fairly lazy this month. Lazy about exercising and lazy about being careful about food (and lazy about blogging). Actually, if I look back at this month’s performance. I have exercised only 12 days out of 23 and cheated 11 days on food . And as a result, my weight this month has fluctuated like crazy. I even touched 169.5 lbs a couple of times. But all that is history. I am at 163 lbs today and if I am good the rest of the month I may just touch my target of 162.5. I can, I can!

Exercise: 35 mins cardio + 40 mins weights + stretches + 15 mins walk to gym

I ate a bowlful of ice-cream yesterday (vanilla flavour, which  means fewer calories, or so I try to convince myself) AND I didn’t manage to get to the gym. I have been feeling a little tired these last couple of days. Must be the change in weather. Bombay is HOT and these are early days of summer yet. It’s so hot, it’s an effort to go anywhere or do anything. I wish I could just sit in one place (Like Joey and Chandler in Friends) and not move for a couple of days. So anyways, I have just not been able to motivate myself to hit the gym this week. Only twice this week (Tuesday and today-Thursday).

Having said that, TODAY I am going to try harder to be good. I did go to the gym, didn’t I?! And I really enjoyed the exercise. And oh! My weight dropped to 167 lbs yesterday (and it continued to be the same today). I am keeping my fingers crossed. Am crossing my toes as well, just in case it helps.

Weight: 167 lbs

Exercise: 35 mins cardio + 40 mins strength training + stretching + 15 mins walk