Butterflies and Rainbows

New Year’s 2008. I start my diet with 100% committment…..I choose my plan, I choose my beginning calorie limit, I visit 3FC everyday and become accountable, I start blogging as I’ve heard that “journaling” is a major component of a successful weight loss plan. 

But, I’m a fake.  Because, you see, deep down inside, I don’t really believe that I can lose the weight.  I don’t believe that I’ll ever be under 200 pounds again.  There…I’ve said it.  It doesn’t get much more real and honest for me than this.

The problem is not that I think I can’t stick to my plan……that I have no willpower or committment.  The problem is that I truly believe that my body is different.  The laws of physics just don’t apply.  What works for every other woman out there in diet land just won’t work for me.  For instance, look at what has happened this week.   Over the holidays, I ate everything under the sun. I hadn’t been on-plan for at least two months.  Now, I’m back on-plan and should be able to lose that initial big poundage, right?   Wrong.  Its true that I did lose .8 of a pound for Monday’s weigh-in.  La dee da! So far this week, I’ve not lost a thing….not even .2 of a pound!  Nada.  Zilch.  A big fat goose egg…  despite the fact that I’ve stayed under my calories every single day. The last two days, I’ve been a bit depressed because nothing is happening.  I’ve been diagnosed with insulin resistance.  I have goiters which can impact my metabolism.  Granted, goiters typically mean hyperthyroidism, but there is a chance that I could turn hypothryroid, right?  I’m in full menopause and use hormone therapy.  Despite the fact that women just like me have lost a lot of weight, I still catch myself feeling that I won’t be one of the blessed ones.  That I will have to suffer the life of a fat woman for the rest of my life.  That, for some reason, I don’t deserve to be slender and healthy and God will withold this from me.  This is how I feel…..deep down in my heart.

My heart feels doubtful, but my head tells me another story.  Last year, I lost 30 pounds! And, I kept it off…..so, I should know that weight loss is possible for this body of mine. But, I really do need to face reality.  I’ve been watching my calories, but I’m virtually a couch potato. Do I really believe that my body is so “special” that I can be the only woman who can lose a ton of weight with absolutely no exercise?! I work from home.  The most exercise I get is walking around the aisles of Walmart every once in a while!  I get up in the morning, get the kids off to school, fix myself a cup of coffee and sit down at my computer to start working….and, there I sit for the rest of the day and into the evening.  Then, I’ll get up….eat dinner…go take a hot bath..then sit on the couch and watch some shows…then, its off to bed to wake up the next morning and repeat the cycle.  Weekends are a little bit more active as I do some house cleaning.  But, my point is….I get practically no exercise at all.  I’m not surprised that I reached 264 pounds….I’m actually surprised that I didn’t gain even more.

I chose my plan, I chose my calorie limit, I became accountable on 3FC and I started blogging…….but, I neglected to start exercising.  So, my plan beginning tomorrow is to get on the treadmill every single day.  Initially, I’ll do a 30 minute walk.  I’ll build up to an hour…then I’ll increase the speed…before you know it, I’ll be doing the C25K program!Tomorrow, I’ll put together that weight lifting regimen….and, I’ll steadily increase the weights, the sets and the reps…..before you know it, I’ll have beautiful slimming metabolism building muscles!  For now, I’ll fake it.  And, you know what?  I bet….before you know it, my heart will realize that weight loss is possible for this body of mine.

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 10th, 2008 at 10:23 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.