Butterflies and Rainbows

Today was day 3 of calorie counting.  So far, so good.  Of course, I’ve not lost 4 pounds already like Hubby has…Arghhh!  Men have absolutely no idea how easy they have it!….okay, enough of my ranting.  My calorie alotment was 1600 today.  Tomorrow is another 1200 calorie day.  I haven’t been on the treadmill yet.  I’ve not been feeling so great.  Headachey yesterday and upset tummy today.  The treadmill and I definitely have a date tomorrow.  I’ve been looking at the C25K program. Not sure if I’m really fit enough to attempt it yet.  From the couch?  Hmm…..not too sure about that!  I might try to do day one of week one and see if its even possible for me now.

Lillie, Thanks so much for letting me know that you missed me around here.  I’ve been reading the blogs each day, but have been neglecting to update my own.  I’ve copied some of my posts from 3FC just as an update on my journey.  I need to make a promise to myself to post here daily.  Blogging forces me to think about things that I tend to shy away from….a major no-no for an emotional eater.

Posted on 01/26/08: 

Yesterday, I received the results of my routine bloodwork. Guess what? I’m completely normal! My cholesterol is great, my liver counts are great….everything is great. And, I no longer have insulin resistance. Yep, losing 30 pounds and eating healthier has not only lowered my cholesterol, but I’ve also reversed my insulin resistance. So, I no longer have a convenient excuse for not losing weight.

I was thinking a lot yesterday about my stalled weight loss and I had an ah ha moment. My top four weight loss heroes here at 3FC have all lost weight with the same weight loss secret. They didn’t lose by drinking a “special” drink or paying big money on a “special” weight loss product or plan. Their secret? Counting calories and sweating. That’s right. It all came down to the simple equation of calories in versus calories out. So, why have I been fighting the need to follow this simple plan? 

Posted yesterday: 

Thank goodness for fresh starts! I totally blew my plan this weekend and I have a two pound gain as my reward. My emotions are getting the best of me. One of my good friends…who lives right across the street…is moving back to
Florida on Sunday.
I’ve been feeling very down and using food to try to make myself feel better. Unfortunately, it does help temporarily, but it comes with a big price. Today, I feel sluggish from too much sugar and carbs and I’m now fighting the lousy emotions from having a gain on the scales. 

As of today, I begin with calorie counting. My Southbeach plan has been very good to me…30 pounds worth of good!…and, it helped me to reverse my insulin resistance. I’m not giving up on eating Southbeach approved foods as the eating plan is extremely healthy. But, I’m getting stalled on the weight loss and need to start tracking my consumption of calories and making this a priority. I have my handy-dandy spreadsheet ready to go and I’ll track every single calorie that goes in my mouth! 

Posted today: 

Yesterday was my first day with calorie counting. I started off with one of three 1200 calorie days for the week. By last evening, I was starving! I need to take another look at my day and see if I can work in a bit more protein and healthy fats. This morning, I woke up with a terrible headache. I think the headache is because I was hungry. The very very good news is that my 2 pound gain is already gone. Yep, overnight I lost it. It must have been water weight from the sodium. So, this week, I should be able to post a great loss for the team. Go Blue! Today, I get to eat 1400 calories, so we’ll see how I feel tonight. I hate to have to increase my daily calories too much as I really want to lose 2 pounds a week. Going by most of the calculators, I have to stay fairly low to lose 2 pounds. We’ll see what happens this week. 

Today’s weigh-in went well…1.6 pounds lost.  I love starting off the week on a high note!  I probably could of had an even better loss if I had stayed on-plan Saturday evening and worked out every day.  I went to a Ladies night on Saturday and I grazed all evening.  There were some very yummy foods there!  We will be having a Ladies night every month, so I really need to learn how to handle these times.  Maybe I will save some calories and exercise really hard so that I can have an off-plan night.  But, I really do need to think about these weekends.  I don’t handle the schedule changes very well.  I seem to struggle every single weekend. 

Starting today, I will be following Jillian Michael’s plan from here book, Winning by Losing.  The foods I eat won’t be changing.  However, I have calculated how many calories I should consume this week in order to lose 2-3 pounds.  Also, I need to start working out hard every day….sweat equity!  Just think….if I can lose a consistent 2-3 pounds every week, I could reach my goal of 150 this year.  Wow…..that would be a dream come true.

Yesterday was the third consecutive day that I worked out.  I’ve been doing 60 minutes of walking on the treadmill followed by some toning exercise or weights.  I got on the scales this morning for my daily weight check and the scales are smiling on me again.  I won’t say what the weight was as today is not my “official” weigh-in day.  That day is Monday.  But, I can say that the scales showed a small drop in weight and my body fat percentage dropped from 51% to 50%.  Yay!  That usually means that the inches are starting to come off.  So, exercise was the solution to my weight loss stall.  Duh!

On BL last night, the following question came up, “Why are you fat?” Other than the most basic answers…overeating and not exercising…have you ever really given some thought to the reason you allowed yourself to get fat?

For me, I learned how to comfort myself with sugary carbs from my Mom. Not that I’m blaming her for my weight gain! As someone so wise recently said, I am an adult and must be accountable for my choices. But, Mom was frequently depressed and I inherited those tendencies from her. Cookies, cakes, doughnuts, candy all make me feel better….really, they do! In the book, You On a Diet, the doctors explain the reason why sugary carbs make a depressed person feel better. There really is a chemical reaction that takes place in our bodies…I won’t bore everyone with the details.(Even thought I love the whole anatomy & physiology side of things!) Okay, so now I know why I head for those foods on very stressful days or days when I’m just feelilng very down, so it should be easy now, right? Wrong! Yesterday, I was stressed about one of my projects for work and I found myself wandering the kitchen and looking for something. Fortunately, I’ve made my kitchen a “safe zone” and there are no sugary snacks anywhere. My automatic tendency is to head for what I know will make me feel better. So, I have to build new habits…..like exercising to relieve my feelings. Not so easy.  They say that exercise releases some of the same “feel good” hormones in our body that the sugary carbs release.  Wouldn’t it be great to develop an exercise dependency?  Have a tiff with Hubby?…run 5 miles.  Kids whining and fighting…run 10 miles….etc etc etc.  With all the stresses of life, I’d be thin in no time!

After I splurged on a doughnut and Starbucks coffee drink this morning, my food was back on track for the rest of the day.  Plus, I finally got on the treadmill!  60 minutes then some leg/butt workout from my new Jillian Michael’s book.  I think I’m going to be very sore tomorrow morning!  All in all….I’ll call this a good on-plan day.

Today was weigh-in day.  I’m sorry to report that I’ve gained 1.6 pounds.  I allowed myself to give into self pity about not losing weight last week.  I tried to comfort myself with food…..makes no sense at all.  The longer I’m on this journey, the more I realize how much my emotions have contributed to my weight problems.

This morning, I had my yearly exam with my primary doctor.  My blood pressure and urinalysis were ok.  I’ll hear about my bloodwork in 7-14 days.  I really hope I haven’t developed high cholesterol.  My Dad, who has always been thin and active, has high cholesterol and must take medication.  My brother, who is 4 years younger than me, was diagnosed with high cholesterol and high blood pressure about 6 months ago.  Like me, he’s struggled with his weight.  I’ve done a lot of thinking about my health today and I’ve realized that I can’t continue to gamble with something so very valuable.  I know the dangers of being overweight, not exercising and eating unhealthy foods.  Today, I am tired from getting to bed late…but, I’m not providing myself with anymore excuses.  I will get on the treadmill today for at least 30 minutes and I will get to bed on-time tonight….and, it goes without saying…I’ll eat on-plan. 

Hope everyone has a great on-plan day.

Rhonda

New Year’s 2008. I start my diet with 100% committment…..I choose my plan, I choose my beginning calorie limit, I visit 3FC everyday and become accountable, I start blogging as I’ve heard that “journaling” is a major component of a successful weight loss plan. 

But, I’m a fake.  Because, you see, deep down inside, I don’t really believe that I can lose the weight.  I don’t believe that I’ll ever be under 200 pounds again.  There…I’ve said it.  It doesn’t get much more real and honest for me than this.

The problem is not that I think I can’t stick to my plan……that I have no willpower or committment.  The problem is that I truly believe that my body is different.  The laws of physics just don’t apply.  What works for every other woman out there in diet land just won’t work for me.  For instance, look at what has happened this week.   Over the holidays, I ate everything under the sun. I hadn’t been on-plan for at least two months.  Now, I’m back on-plan and should be able to lose that initial big poundage, right?   Wrong.  Its true that I did lose .8 of a pound for Monday’s weigh-in.  La dee da! So far this week, I’ve not lost a thing….not even .2 of a pound!  Nada.  Zilch.  A big fat goose egg…  despite the fact that I’ve stayed under my calories every single day. The last two days, I’ve been a bit depressed because nothing is happening.  I’ve been diagnosed with insulin resistance.  I have goiters which can impact my metabolism.  Granted, goiters typically mean hyperthyroidism, but there is a chance that I could turn hypothryroid, right?  I’m in full menopause and use hormone therapy.  Despite the fact that women just like me have lost a lot of weight, I still catch myself feeling that I won’t be one of the blessed ones.  That I will have to suffer the life of a fat woman for the rest of my life.  That, for some reason, I don’t deserve to be slender and healthy and God will withold this from me.  This is how I feel…..deep down in my heart.

My heart feels doubtful, but my head tells me another story.  Last year, I lost 30 pounds! And, I kept it off…..so, I should know that weight loss is possible for this body of mine. But, I really do need to face reality.  I’ve been watching my calories, but I’m virtually a couch potato. Do I really believe that my body is so “special” that I can be the only woman who can lose a ton of weight with absolutely no exercise?! I work from home.  The most exercise I get is walking around the aisles of Walmart every once in a while!  I get up in the morning, get the kids off to school, fix myself a cup of coffee and sit down at my computer to start working….and, there I sit for the rest of the day and into the evening.  Then, I’ll get up….eat dinner…go take a hot bath..then sit on the couch and watch some shows…then, its off to bed to wake up the next morning and repeat the cycle.  Weekends are a little bit more active as I do some house cleaning.  But, my point is….I get practically no exercise at all.  I’m not surprised that I reached 264 pounds….I’m actually surprised that I didn’t gain even more.

I chose my plan, I chose my calorie limit, I became accountable on 3FC and I started blogging…….but, I neglected to start exercising.  So, my plan beginning tomorrow is to get on the treadmill every single day.  Initially, I’ll do a 30 minute walk.  I’ll build up to an hour…then I’ll increase the speed…before you know it, I’ll be doing the C25K program!Tomorrow, I’ll put together that weight lifting regimen….and, I’ll steadily increase the weights, the sets and the reps…..before you know it, I’ll have beautiful slimming metabolism building muscles!  For now, I’ll fake it.  And, you know what?  I bet….before you know it, my heart will realize that weight loss is possible for this body of mine.

I had a rare moment of aloneness in the house…and the stupid streudels seduced me.  I had two of the stupid things.  I’ve included them in my calories for the day and I’m planning not to go over my 1700 calories despite giving in to temptation.  Just hope the sugar doesn’t make the scales stick for me.  Now, should I fess up with Hubby?  He is my diet partner, but he shouldnt have brought the darn things in here.  But, I should exercise a little more self control.  Yikes.  I’m in no mood for all of this introspection!

He goes grocery shopping last night…which is definitely his right as the cook of the house (and much appreciated!)…and he takes DD#1.  She convinces him to buy toaster streudel for hers and little sister’s breakfast in the morning….3 boxes of them.  What the heck???!!!  Why in the world would we want to pump sugar into their young bodies before sending them off to school.  I have talked with him about this so many times….about setting an example…about this not being solely a weight loss effort…about good health…about my SAFETY ZONE!  Those stinkin things have been calling to me all morning!  They are relentless!    I’m very very tempted to go in there and throw them away.  Yes, we are a bit financially tight right now…but, no one in the house really needs that junk.  I haven’t made up my mind what I will do yet…..the jury’s still out on that one.  There may be some really angry people in the house tomorrow morning!