Butterflies and Rainbows

So many of my 3FC friends shy away from the idea of New Year’s resolutions.  They seem to think that it sets them up for a sure failure.  Afterall, haven’t we all had the New Year’s resolution to lose weight and get fit?  I know that I’ve made this resolution many many times.  I can remember New Year’s Eve of 78.  I was 14 years old and the ball had just dropped.  With 100% conviction and optimism, I made a resolution to myself to lose the weight and become one of the popular thin girls.  But, as we all know, willpower alone doesn’t get you far.  At 14, I didn’t have a clue about the proper way to lose any weight….and, really, at 14, why was I even concerned about dieting?!  A little exercise would have done the trick.  But, I didnt know and I had no one to teach me. Mom had always been overweight and thought that dieting meant eating 500 calories a day……with things like grapefruit, salad with no dressing and baked chicken.  Bleck!!  Who wants to eat like that for any length of time…much less to maintain for life!  Throughout the years, there were many more resolutions to lose weight with no follow-through after the initial 2 weeks.  I did manage to maintain my weight within 20 pounds to join the Air Force.  However, at one point, I was put on the “fat girl” program because I had allowed my weight to creep up about 5 pounds over my maximum limit of 160.  For much of this time, I was running 5 miles a day which helped me to maintain a fairly consistent weight….not thin, but not huge either.  Over the years, I’ve lost weight….anywhere from 15-25 pounds, but I’ve never managed to maintain the loss.  Weight Watchers, Nutrisystem, Jenny Craig, Slim Fast..etc etc etc.  I’ve spent a fortune to obtain my own little bit of heaven in the form of slimness.  Unfortunately, I never really learned how to change my life….how to live like a thin person.  After leaving the Air Force, my weight shot up to 180-190 and I maintained this weight until 3 years ago.  My Mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in July of 2004.  By Dec 28, she was gone.  I remember, during that last month, I stepped on the scales and weight 190.  By October of 2005, I was 222 pounds…..I gained 32 pounds in 10 months!  I had been having some female problems….and, with Mom’s diagnosis, I decided to get a full hysterectomy.  Hello menopause!  OMG, why didnt anybody warn me?  At 41 years old, I was in almost instant menopause.  By November 2006, my weight shot up to 264.  Thats right….I gained another 42 pounds….that is a 74 pound gain in less than 2 years!  I have always been overweight, but now I was larger than ever and feeling absolutely horrible.

What was the reason for my rapid weight gain?  I went to numerous doctors and received very little useful information. Big surprise?  Not really.  My primary care doctor’s solution was to prescribe diet pills!  I filled the prescription, took the medicine for 3 days, then tossed the rest.  My problem wasn’t my appetite.  Even following a plan 100%, my weight wasn’t budging.  I’d lose the initial water weight, then nothing.  That simple equation of calories consumed versus calories expended was just not working for me.  And, no one believed me!  Finally, I found an alternative medicine doctor who tested all of my hormones.  Turns out, I’m insulin resistant and I had too much estrogen in my body.  Finally, some answers!  My research led me to the Southbeach plan…..and it works!  Finally, I’ve found a plan that allows my body to lose the weight.  Turns out, many of my friends at 3FC have lost weight by following plans that are almost 100% similar to Southbeach…..whole foods, healthy fats in moderation, protein with every meal or snack, lots of veggies…..and no added sugar….plus, tons of cardio exercise.

After receiving my diagnosis in November 2006, I was researching diet options on the internet and discovered 3FC.  What a Godsend!  A forum of people who understand…a forum full of women just like me who’ve lost the weight and are maintaining the weight….a forum of women who are struggling like I am….a forum of women who encourage and support.  A lot of the recent research on successful weight loss and maintenance indicates that a support system is a necessity.  And, I found a wonderful one.  Still, I put off starting my journey.  The holidays were coming soon and the family had a trip to Disneyworld scheduled.  Who wants to diet while at Disneyworld?!  Well, the trip to Disneyworld in December was the eye opener I needed.  I couldnt keep up with my family!  I had virtually no stamina and my knees were killing me.  Yikes!  I felt like an old woman at the age of 42.

New Year’s Eve, 2007.  I found myself making yet another New Year’s Resolution to lose weight and get fit.  This time, it wasn’t all about how I looked.  I now had more reasons than ever to do this.  I felt horrible…..if I felt like that at 42, what would I feel like at 52? 62? 72?  Would I even be able to walk?  My Hubby had gained a lot of weight and, my oldest daughter (10) was gaining weight.  What kind of life was I setting her up for?  A life of feeling discouraged about the way she looked?  A future of painful knees, no stamina…. and people looking down on her? It was time to finally do something about my problem…and help my family,too.  I was determined to lose 100 pounds and be running 5 miles by the end of the year.

Have I been successful with my resolution?  The old perfectionist me would have said no.  I haven’t lost 100 pounds and I couldn’t run even 1/2 mile if a rabid rottweiler was chasing me!  But, I’ve found that my definition of success is not so black and white anymore.  I’ve managed to lose 30 pounds this  year…which is a great accomplishment within itself.  However, the truly amazing accomplishment is that I’ve maintained that loss.  This is virtually unheard of in my little world!  Earlier in the year, I was going through one of my many struggling periods…and I made a promise to myself.  I refuse to give up!  I don’t care how long this takes me or how difficult the journey might become, I will never quit visiting 3FC and I will never quit trying.  Afterall, what is the alternative?  To remain overweigh for the rest of my life?  To, maybe, die an early death?  To pass insulin resistance and become fully diabetic? Each time I attempted this journey in the past and I failed, the idea that I would never be slim and fit was reinforced over and over again.  I had almost reached the point where I had no faith that I could do this….ever.  But, I was able to find a small touch of faith and it has gotten progressively stronger. 

So…..a New Year’s Resolution for 2008?  Sure, why not? Why not grab onto this feeling of a brand new start?  A clean slate? The sense of increased optimisim, motivation and willpower.  True, these feeling won’t last long.  But, this time, I’m not starting over at the very beginning.  And, by the time the feelings are gone, I’ll have lost a few more pounds and I’ll be just a bit closer to my goals.   I may not meet all of my resolutions, but any progress is a very good thing, right?

My 2008 Resolutions

1. Reach my goal weight of 150 pounds.
2. Build muscle and get toned.
3. Run 5 miles.
4. Blog/journal everyday. 

Happy New Year, Everyone!

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Just spent the last three days in the Twin Cities of Minnesota for part two of training. The class was tough, but the evenings were fun. Each night, we went to dinner and had one or two drinks. No, I didn’t stay on-plan. Maybe I shouldnt say this, but I’m not feeling very guilty. I never ever go out of town or hang out with friends. Since I’m a full-time telecommuter for my employer, I hardly ever leave the house. I guess I just felt entitled to “let my hair down” and enjoy myself. Watching what I ate and drinking water just wasn’t my idea of a good time. Of course, I’m now paying for my lack of discipline from this week and in the previous weeks. My jeans are getting uncomfortably tight in the waste.

Now that all trips are out of my way for a while, I plan on getting back on the treadmill. I’ve been holding off as I didnt want to hurt my knees before I had to do a lot of walking around airports, amusement parks, etc. The previous field trip to Disneyworld and to Minnesota, plus Thanksgiving, have all been perfect excuses I’ve used for overeating.  Yep, I do recognize them as excuses. Afterall, I’ve been at this since January and I really should know better by now.   Also, Hubby and I got a home gym for Christmas. He found it on Craig’s list for cheap. So, now I can work out the muscles that support my knees…and get toned all over! I know that working out will have the added benefit of helping me get back on-plan. Afterall, who wants to expend all of that effort, then blow it all on something full of sugar and calories….and very very brief pleasure?!