I crashed, but didn’t burn!
Last evening, Hubby makes steak, salad and broccoli for dinner…all Southbeach friendly. Well, I have my portions….then I go back for more! And, all the while I’m overeating, I know I’m doing it and just dont’ care. Then, I eat my usual portion of SF ice cream….and go back for seconds! After two weeks of staying on-plan with my food and my calories, I crashed. But, I didnt burn….because, I’ve not used this as an opportunity to quit my plan and keep indulging myself. I’m right back on track today.
I did spend some time thinking about why I overate and I now realize that I was hurting last night and didnt even realize it. Yesterday, I got dressed up to take my daughter’s to their school orientations. My jeans are getting a little loose on me and I wore a shirt that I havent been able to get into since February. I spent extra time with my makeup and hair and I was looking great and feeling great. Well, we ran into ‘A’s’ Mom and I said ’Hi’…..she looked straight at me and didnt say a word….no smile, no nod….nothing! But, she greets ‘E’ who was with me….but, nothing for me. I joked with my daughter that she probably didnt recognize me without my glasses, but I’m sure she knew who I was. When we first moved here, A’s Mom and I had an awesome conversation for over an hour the first time we met. I was excited because I thought I’d found a potential great friend. But, for some reason, she decided that she doesnt think the same thing about me. I know its silly, but I’m hurt and can’t help thinking there’s something wrong with me. Self esteem issues are rearing their ugly head again. After orientations, I took the girls shopping for church clothes. Hubby surprised me by mentioning that he’d like to start going to church again this Sunday. 
Of course, I cant fit into any of my church clothes, so I went shopping for new ones. Although I’ve lost 25 pounds and was feeling super slender earlier in the day, the reality is that I’m still very overweight and finding clothes has not gotten any easier yet. So, I walk in the door and sit down and eat, and eat, and eat. Yes, the eating made me feel better…..No, the feeling didnt last!
Today, I’m back on-plan. I do have a long way to go, but I’m not ready to quit. Hopefully, I can continue learning things about myself. Maybe next time, I can recognize what I’m feeling before I try to use food as comfort
August 4th, 2007 at 12:07 pm
Darn. I hate that when it happens like that. I can relate. Most of the time, I’m fairly confident. But then something happens like that and I can instantly reduce myself to feeling totally worthless. I think for you that it was just one day and you’ve bounced back. This weight loss thing is hard and I just don’t see it getting any easier any time soon. We need to learn how to manage the bad times so that we don’t mess up the good times!
That’s great that your husband wants to go back to church!!!
August 8th, 2007 at 3:50 pm
Aww, I’m sorry that happened with A’s mom. It always bothers me when I think that people don’t like me or are mad at me, too. Actually, through therapy, I have learned to say to myself “it’s not my problem if they don’t like me, and if they’re mad at me, I have to trust that they are mature enough to bring it up with me. Otherwise, I can’t do anything!” It’s hard!
Way to go on the weight loss!