New Year’s resolutions. Am I the only one still left on the planet who doesn’t think they are the devil’s tool? I love resolutions. Yeah, many people don’t last past the first one or two days, but so what. Many people don’t last past the first one or two days when they start something in the middle of the year. So, I’ll have my resolutions and enjoy them, too.
I’m back to blogging. But, this time is different. I will be 100% honest and I may say some things that offend you. I may contradict myself because I am a multi-dimensional woman who needs to explore her many ideas and thoughts. One day, I may be a glass half-full kinda gal. The next day, that same glass might be half-empty. One day, I might have a drill sergeant mentality. The next day, I might need to coddle myself. Some days, I might seem rude, selfish or immature. The next day, I might seem like a perfect angel. Please remember that I am not a naturally gifted writer who’s prose absolutely amazes the reader. I tend to write like a think….sometimes random and in incomplete sentences. I tend to ramble as I work through my thoughts. Sometimes, my language is not that pretty. I’m not proud of that, but sometimes a curse word works so very well to express my feelings. I am working on improving my vocabulary selections. For now, I am keeping my blog public, but I may need to move these to private in the future. It all depends on what I find as I dig into the psyche of mine.
On last season’s Biggest Loser, Bob was quite concerned that one of the contestants had not learned anything about herself during her weight loss journey. In his view and experience, she was setting herself up for failure at maintaining her loss. I’ve always poo’ed the whole “dig-into-your thoughts” crap. I’m much more of a just-do-it-and-quit-whining kinda gal. But, I’m starting to realize that I have to get to know Rhonda. Who she is. What makes her tick. Why she chose to let herself get to this point in her life where she looks in the mirror and no longer recognizes herself. (WTH am I talking in the third person?!) I’ve become this woman who allows herself to be swayed by every little breeze in life. I used to be strong and determined. ‘No’ or ‘can’t’ were not words in my vocabulary. And, no one screwed with me! I knew what I wanted and what I needed to do and everyone could get with the program or get off the map! And, I managed to be like this with niceness and kindness to others. Now? I don’t like what I have become. I’m a patsy for my family. I find myself wanting to please and failing miserably. I’ve created a family of that waits for Mom to do everything…except cook. Thank God that Hubby does that! Where did the real Rhonda go? I have to believe that she is still inside there somewhere…just hiding behind the fat and waiting for me to let her back out to play again. So, I blog. And, I will keep blogging until I find my way out again.