I need some inspiration..

While I am proud of the 40 pounds I have lost. I still have a long way to go. And I am getting frustrated. I want to go to the gym and I want to kick it and blah blah blah. Yadda Yadda Yadda. WHERE”S THE FREAKIN MAGIC WEIGHT LOSS PILL?!?!?!

216 Thats where I’m at. So I guess technically its 41lbs down and 66lbs to go. I can do this. Right? I feel like crying. I’m not really big boned am I? The fat cousin, always the fat one in the group? I’m not that person.

I totally related to poor Daris on BL last night. Eating and not knowing why. Sabotage. Thats what I’m doing. They say you get scared of who you could be, I don’t think I am scared of being a size 8. I dunno, I just gotta stop eatin the brownies and do some more work.

SIGH… ok dunno if anyone is listening… but I’m done.

Scale this morning said 219.4. Yee Haw! I’m super happy. And considering I’m pre-TOM, it could be MUCH worse. Anyways. I ran twice yesterday. I went in the morning, and felt like doing another run in the evening so I went for it. Today gonna take the little girl to the gym and go for a swim. I think we got a pretty good work out in when we went on Tuesday. I lay her on my tummy and do a nice strong kick up and down the pool… Was really a good workout. My calories yesterday were right on track.. LOVE LOVE LOVE www.caloriecount.com Its amazing.

So we are going out of town this weekend. Lots of bad eating out. EEghad… Gotta make some plans, do a lil research on a few places see if I can find something low cal and low sodium.

Better get packin!

My new goal is to be an awesome wife. I’m not saying I’m a bad wife. But I want to be super supportive of my hubby. He’s a pretty amazing person and he’s put up with a lot of crap from me last few years and my drama. He’s needing some support right now. I think he might have some self confidence issues. Wonder why its ok for chicks to have those issues but not for guys? Don’t know, but I do know I have to make him realize how great he is. Any ideas? He’s a really good looking guy, awesome provider, amazing daddy, and a super supportive husband. If it weren’t for him helping me with the weight loss and doing this along side me, I doubt I would have lost what I have so far. Hmm.. Gonna have to really think this one through.

Anyways, I’m back to using calorie counter.com. That website is pretty awesome. Helps me see how I’m doing on calories for the day but also tells me where I’m lacking as far as fiber, protein, fat etc etc.. I love that, makes me feel like I am being balanced. Also love that they have a spot where you can enter your recipes in and they calculate the calories in each serving. Thats pretty awesome.

Wellpers I weighed in at 221.9. I really do think blogging helps. Makes me think about what I’m doing. I do wish I could figure out how to put up pictures, would make my blog a bit more interesting.
Well I’m gonna go hit the treadmill for 30.
Take care everyone!

While it has been a month since I’ve written I do still come on and read everyone’s updated posts. Which have been very encouraging. So here’s whats up. I am at 223. Which is a weight loss of 34lbs. Definitely proud of that, but I have been at 223 for a month. Whats up with that? I have started going to the gym this month.  So I could say I have gained a few pounds of muscle. But I won’t.

My eating has been off. Its been a busy month and when I get busy busy I stop planning properly which is ridiculous. So I went to Sams yesterday and I got my lettuce, and broccoli. Gonna start back on some good ol grilled chicken salads and water. I REALLY wanted to be at like 210 by this weekend. But meh.. Not going to happen. Lets see if I can drop some serious water weight and stuff this week. Which is prob gonna be frustrating since TOM is lurking up.

I have been doing some serious running though. I have gotten up to running for ten minutes straight. My treadmill doesn’t tell me how far I’ve ran which is frustrating. I went to my Grandma’s last week and she lives way out in the country of Tennessee. So I ran/walked 2 miles early in the morning. However…. my legs hurt so bad the next day. She lives in the hills and I didn’t realize how hard I worked. But it felt great.

Well thats about it. I need to get back on track calorie wise. Pull out my food journal again. 1400 calories tomorrow. No excuses! Can’t be lazy about this anymore!

I know I’m a dork.. But I’m SO excited right now! I normally only post once a week or so, but this just can’t wait. I signed my family up for a gym scholarship.. Did not expect we would get it. BUT we did! She called me this afternoon and she was laughing because I was so excited. My hubby, myself and our 3 year old get to all go together! And for only 10 dollars a month, with no sign on fees. And this is a REALLY nice gym.. I can take my little one for a swim.. and there is a very nice play area she can go to. And I have to go 8 times a month to keep my scholarship so I know that will keep me motivated too. Man this is just too cool! I’m wondering what machine to work out on?? What can I burn the most calories on in an hour? I have a treadmill at home so I think I will do that on my own time. So suggestion to you ladies, if you can’t afford a gym membership call and ask if they offer scholarships.. ya never know!!

So I met goal one! It wanted to have lost 30lbs and be at 225lbs on March 7th. I was really surprised to see the number I wanted! I actually saw 223 for a day, then I celebrated. Why!? Anyways but I’m holding steady at 225. I really think putting the scale in the closet is a good thing for me. Keeps me focused on eating right and doing my running. Then when I see a great number on the scale.. BONUS!  Otherwise I worry too much about eating something. If i’m not obsessing about the scale, I know what I’m supposed to eat and not supposed to eat.

Overall good weekend. Little one is sick with a nasty cough. Keeping her in one more day.

My next goal is 215. That is sort of a huge deal. The lowest I can remember last several years is 219. I’m giving myself til April 9th. I need to kick the exercise up a notch. But I’m tired. Lazy? Meh I think just really tired. I run/walk for 30 min on treadmill.. Its keepin my BP down so truly that is whats important to me.

I have a few friends that are losing weight too.. I’m really beginning to feel they aren’t really happy about my weight loss. The other day I was talking to a friend I hadn’t seen in a while and she said you’ve lost weight! And my other friend who has also dropped some weight was standing there and her friend says  So and so has too look at her!… Before I could even say like yeah we both have.. I dunno I just felt like they were annoyed that she said something to me and their weight loss was better. I’ve been sharing my excitement  about my loss… But I think I will stop. I don’t want anyone to think I’m bragging. It kinda hurt my feelings, but oh well!

Well on to cleaning house…

Sometimes I love her to pieces and sometimes I want to put it in a closet and lock the door. (The scale not my mom…welll….hmm.. yeah the scale.) When I’m doing great the scale loves me…. just like my mom she is proud of me and makes me feel great. But I know when I’m making poor choices I’m gonna get the “you know better” look from my mom (not about food just in general) SO the scale treats me the same way. So I put it in the closet. AGAIN! Its really insane that I can’t walk past the scale without stepping on, who knows how much that last pee may have weighed and I could have dropped a whole pound, not likely but I step on anyways. Thats where I’m at this morning. No weight loss. Not making horrible choices but not making choices that I KNOW I need to make to lose the weight faster.

But I started thinking, If my hubby and I continue on this well balanced eating we WILL lose weight. Wouldn’t it be great if I could just eat healthy and do well for the rest of the year and know in December i will be smaller. Maybe not 60 lbs like my goal is. But I will be 20lbs smaller Just by losing slowly. And that in itself is pretty great. But am I just making excuses for myself? Is it easier to just slip back into a “maintaining” phase and be happy with that? I don’t think I want to do that… I do want to get my butt going and drop another 25lbs for the summer.  So why am I grabbing an extra handful of trail mix when I know I just had one. Or eating a bowl of chocolate cheerios when i’m not hungry. Habit? Maybe. I need to be more mindful of my eating habits. Ask myself why are you eating and make myself answer BEFORE I eat it not after…

Well hope everyone is doing better than me.. I need my momentum back.  Meanwhile “momma” is in the closet.

I love those Mondays where you say man sucks its Monday but you had such a good weekend you can still get up and start a new week in a good state of mind. Doesn’t happen a lot Most of the time the weekends go by so fast in such a blur you cant even catch your breath before Monday is back and ready to smack ya in the face. I mean I used to have like major anxiety about Mondays. But back to the good state of mind!

So Saturday hubby, daughter and I went to a basketball game. It was a college game. We are undefeated! WOOHOO! So anyways we got there, free tickets from hubby’s work, and hubby’s boss sees us and gave us even better tickets. So we ended up about half court five rows up. And we got on ESPN! How cool is that? Of course I made an ESPN sign for my daughter and nephew to hold up and who can’t resist two adorable kids??

After the game we went to do a little shopping. I got me a pair of jeans.. “goal jeans” They are a size 14. When I got home I tried to see if i could get them on, and I did.. and zipped them! Now I looked insanely ridiculous in them, but they were zipped! Pretty nifty considering I’m wearing 18/20s right now. Anyways back to shopping. I know I’ve mentioned it before but my amazing hubby is doing this with me. He’s lost drum roll please……. 45lbs!!! And its like it happened right under my nose but when we went shopping we tried on some clothes and he has gone down so many sizes its crazy! He normally wears a size 48L suit jacket, well we tried a 46…44…42!! WOWZERS like thats amazing. So after I saw how great he looked in that suit we HAD to buy him one. He fought it the whole time. Hates spending that kind of money on himself but he seriously looks amazing in it. His pants went from a 38 to a 34… I’m so proud of him! He makes me smile and even though I desperately want to weigh less than him he looks so darn good I don’t care if I’m a cow, I have a hottie

So then Sunday we had lunch with some great friends at a Thai place. Its pretty awesome.. I had soup, which I’m guessing was pretty low cal, broth, chicken, and some type of turnip. A salad with a ginger dressing. And orange chicken which wasn’t so healthy but it was a treat and I didn’t finish it.  We were all stuffed. But It was a better choice than the Chinese Buffet we were thinking of going to, guaranteed to overeat!

Anyways great weekend and still at 229.. I saw 227 on Saturday morning. So will work hard to keep my eating in a healthy range. Trying to get my fiber in today. And I have got to get my booty back on the treadmill this week. Health screen on Wednesday morning at hubby’s work. Interested to see how my BP is doing.

Tata!

229.4! Ok so for those of you who don’t know, thats a good thing! That means I have lost 26lbs! Wow!! I’m so happy right now. I saw 230.6 and so I stripped to see 229. I know you didn’t wanna know that but hey anything for a loss I’m really happy!! And its a good thing I got this motivation before heading out to the big city of P, less temptation for me to run to some of my fav places to grab a snack or pick up a piece of pizza. Not worth it today! You can’t have my 229!

Woohoo!

I’m hovering in the 230-231.. but I’m also hangin with TOM. So hopefully I can see the 229 sometime by the end of the week.

The end of the week prob going to be a lil stressful. Tomorrow I have a dr.s appt. Fun times.  Then Friday I have to watch my elderly gramma. She has been sick for a while. Not cancer or anything, but she had a heart attack about two years ago and lost most of her heart muscle, so they put in a defibrillator. She weighs like 88lbs. She’s very stubborn and doesn’t use her walker. Last week she fell going to the bathroom, wasn’t using the walker, and she broke her shoulder. So now she really can’t do anything, can’t use her walker or anything. Needs help going to the bathroom, pulling her pants down etc. Its sad and stressful. Me and my gram don’t really click, I mean we love each other but we are so different its hard for me to have conversations with her. I was really close to my grandpa and when he passed away it was very difficult for me to see my gram go straight to being married to another guy. I tried really hard after grandpa died to do things with her and for her. I bought her a kitten and all the things a kitten needs. She took the kitten to an animal shelter and told me it was there if I wanted it. I couldn’t afford to go get it. Things like that make me not want to help. I know that probably sounds really shallow of me. I just don’t feel any connection. But I will still do my part in the family and respect her, because I know thats what I want when I get old. Wow so didn’t mean for this blog to be about that. But hopefully my stress this week doesn’t implode on my weight loss.

Hopefully 229 is in my future this weekend. Probably taking the little girl to Chuck E Cheese this weekend. Should be fun! Hopefully we can swing it.

Have a good day ladies..