Anxiety For Nothing

I’ve been a walking freak show lately. Since I came out of ketosis for my surgery I’ve had a hell of a time getting back into the swing of things. As the days progressed I started feeling like I was this huge, blubbering mess and that I must have gained 10,000 pounds (yes, unreasonable but anxiety is rarely reasonable). Everyday I would try to start again and every afternoon I would feel like I was too far gone and eat something inappropriate.

Cue: Self-Sabotage

We had a pretty big blizzard and now you couple my struggle with no power or heat and you just get a mix of crazy that only chocolate could fix and then I’m even worse off than I was before. Then - finally - I had my surgical follow up. They didn’t weigh me but when they left me to change I quickly weighed myself and realized that I wasn’t that far off from my last weigh in. Is that possible?

After my appointment (I’m perfectly fine BTW) I had to run to my Ideal Protein facility. There must be some mistake. There’s no way I ate my mother’s homemade macaroni and cheese and didn’t gain 20lbs. Impossible.

Twenty four hours before my appointment I rush in and see if I can get weighed and get food. I kept telling myself that I wasn’t going to destroy myself for the past two weeks and that I am truly ready to get back on board. My counselor told me that the past is in the past. There’s a lot of emotion going on with surgery that can be difficult to manage and the most important thing is that I was back in the office and ready to go again. I told her not to expect to say these inspirational things after my weigh in because it’s going to be horrible.

I got on the scale and it seemed like 5 ┬áhours between the tell-tale beeps that kick out my weight on the Tanita scale. My counselor smiled and said, “You lost three pounds.”

SAY WHAT?

Then I relaxed from my panic and really started to look over what I ate over the past couple weeks. I did have my mother’s amazing mac n cheese but I didn’t have an entire plate of it. I didn’t even have seconds. I ate food that was off my plan but I didn’t overeat food. THAT IS VICTORY.

This morning I awoke with a refreshed outlook. I’m ready to tackle this next half of my weight loss. I’m ready to go back to following the plan and staying with it and I have some renewed hope that when I make it to maintenance I may actually be able to be responsible with my eating and maintain a healthy weight.

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