How I Almost Lost It

This journey is one of extreme ups and downs and I was definitely having more ups than downs then came Christmas. I really thought how I took Thanksgiving and spanked its behind would make Christmas a breeze. There are so many other things to think about with Christmas and not just strapping on the feedbag and being thankful we get to eat like pigs for one day with no judgement. I.WAS.HORRIBLY.WRONG.

On Christmas Day we went to my sister in law’s house and having eaten there numerous times I came prepared. I brought my favorite protein packs and knew in advance what I was going to eat. I even brought IP Strawberry Wafers for dessert since dessert there is a feast in and of itself. I was so ready.

Or so I thought.

Actually, when it came time for dessert I took out my strawberry wafers and was just fine until I saw everyone else eating. Peanut butter pie, apple pie, Italian cookies, brownies, cookies of every possible variation.

It was basically awesome dipped in amazing and coated with fabulous all over the table.

That’s when I started to twitch. I wanted to eat all of it! I looked around the room and all I could feel was envy. I wanted to eat the pie…. all the pie…. everyone’s pie. I wanted cookies and meringue and chocolate. Suddenly, that strawberry wafer was no longer appetizing.

My envy then drifted to anger. What an injustice that I can’t just have a slice of pie or a taste of chocolate! This is insane. I don’t want to do this anymore! I really just want to be able to do what I want when I want!! NOW.

And for two horrible weeks that’s how I’ve felt. I’ve obsessed with the thought of doing the Nestea plunge into an Olympic sized swimming pool of chocolate and because that wasn’t a possibility I was just a short tempered crabby evil person. I just hated weekly weigh ins, food in foil, and not being able to do whatever like normal people.

Then something happened this morning. I woke up with a new found sense of clarity. I am not like normal people and a slice of pie has never existed in my life. I can eat all the pie or most of the pie but I could never stop at a mere slice of pie. It’s just not me. Then I really looked at my body and although I still have a long way to go I’ve come a long way and not in a long amount of time. I was over 320 lbs on October 11, 2012 when I walked into Ideal Protein. As I type right now I weigh 255 and it’s been just under 3 months.

I was so close to losing it mentally but with the strength of the Lord and the IP protocol I can go back to losing it physically.

2 Responses to “How I Almost Lost It”

  1. I feel your pain. It sucks when everyone around you is eating all the “good” stuff that you can’t eat. I’ll admit that I cheated all day long on Christmas Day. I felt awful that night (not just guilty but actually physically sick). The way I look at it, is that this phase is not forever. There will come a time that we’ll be able to eat non-packaged foods again. There will also come a time when we can have a cheat meal or a cheat day. And we’re not going to eat perfect all the time, but we’re human and we’re allowed to not be perfect. So hang in there and just remember how far you’ve come!

  2. It’s so nice to be able to hear from people like you where you totally understand where I’m coming from. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me. Ahhh, the thought of a cheat meal let alone a cheat DAY is enough to get through the tougher days ahead!

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