Today is Day 5 of Ideal Protein. I haven’t weighed myself and I have no plans to until my scheduled weigh ins at the facility. I have no idea how much weight I’ve lost and since I can become a bit crazy obsessive extremely interested with daily weigh ins I’ve decided to get weighed there exclusively. Although I don’t know a number I know that it’s definitely something.
My mother in law gave me a shirt that she purchased new a few weeks ago and it was too big for her. I gladly took it because it was adorable and it was a 4x. I thought that it would be a bit big for me too but I appreciate a little grace in my clothing (I have a fear of roaming the earth looking like wrapped sausage). When I put it on it wasn’t tight but snug. I was taken aback at just how snug a 4x was on me.
Let that sink in for a moment. It was sobering to say the least. It was at that moment that I knew that I had gone over 300lbs again. Disappointment. Embarrassment. Fear. Anxiety. Exhaustion from all the emotional hell that comes with the weight roller coaster. How do you sort these emotions, you ask? Ice Cream or some other food that tastes so good that for a brief moment you forget what kind of a weight loss loser you are and just lose yourself in something amazing.
For a moment.
Then here comes reality on the tails of that decadent bite of food. What you call temporary joy your drug addict friends call numbing out and when it’s over the feelings you were trying so hard to swallow are back… and you feel like crap. And what makes crap feel better? Ice cream.
Cue the emotional cycle of weight.
What does this have to do with my mother in law’s shirt? Today, I was running late for work and I just pulled it out of the closet and threw it on… and stopped moving. All the rushing around came to a screeching halt and slack jawed I went to see my husband and the look on his face was classic.
Me: So you can see?
Him: WOW! You just wore that shirt a few weeks ago and it’s loose now!
Me: (still stunned) I can’t believe it. It’s the morning of my 5th day!
The hard part of losing weight is sometimes just staring at the scale and wanting more, expecting more, and tying all the value of the loss to a number. This is another Non Scale Victory (NSV). Today is the day that a 4x shirt became loose. Amen!
Posted on October 16th, 2012 by futurehealthywoman
Filed under: Non Scale Victory