I got dreams. Dreams, I’ve got them.

Sorry for no log yesterday. Slight fuck ups. Had Subway and it pwned me at about 748 calories. Just a cold cut combo on flat bread with provolone, mustard and lite mayo. :/ And to think this place is supposed to be the least evil edition of “fast food”, right? oh well. I clocked in at around 1400 calories, which would have been 1300 if I hadn’t given into a sinful pull of Tom’s grapefruit “Jarritos” and two pieces of caramel candy on a whim. But hey! I worked out a little. Go me, but momma always told me there would be days like this.

Anyway. Back to my dreams. I spent most of last night/early this morning entertaining my lifelong dream of living some place snowy. Snowiest cities in US are in dreamy Colorado and I even looked up places in the apartment guide. Seems if I saved $5,556 to $,7000 I could pay rent in advance to one of these places and move there for a year or so. Or permanently if I so choose to. I mean, I want this. I think maybe it will be a post weight loss reward for me. But so much holds it back, such as: I am poor. :/ I don’t want to leave my friends, at least not for too long. So many visits would need to be planned. Honestly, Mer seems more invested in being a recluse and Deagle these days, anyway…though let me be fair, it seems her resolve to do so is slipping. And Eddie can come stay with me some times in Colorado and so could Tracy.OH. And I’m fat. Sorry, but I aint going anywhere until I am a normal weight. Just…no.¬† Lastly, I wanted to save up a cool $800 a month some time soon to get loose skin removed when I hit goal. So many things need to go down for this too happen: Either, I need to do more glassblowing. Maybe ask Eric if I can come in for 2 $100 days a week at the shop while maintaining the pages for Janus at $150 to keep my rent and food together. Or, I need to get on this tattooing thing STAT. Or try to. I seriously feel like they wont look twice at me due to weight and race. Which sucks. I am a decent artist enough to do this and Rodney knows it. But….Natalie from Twisted is a big girl too. But she DOES¬† do piercing. Hunh. I just don’t know.

I see many roads to possibility-land with lots of potential and great difficulty. And I am not sure which way to go. I could agree to go to Asheville with Deviantglass next year, work on getting that apprenticeship next to their shop for tattooing (wishful thinking, considering the time I’ve had finding it here) and -then- worry about Colorado and surgery or I could focus more on getting an apprenticeship here, blow glass and save up for surgery, say ‘fuck Asheville’, and just see what happens. if Dustin will be running the shop here, I could still blow. It all depends. Ugh….I wish I knew the future.

Anyway, this makes it clear there are three things I must plan for and fight for. Weight loss and full body lift. Tattooing. Colorado. …Preferably Fort Collins or Lakewood. Yes, I’m a freakazoid as my idea of paradise involves lots of snow. Lulz.