Magic 8

So feeling skinny after my run and clean after my shower, I put the dress back on and put on some bright red lipstick to match, and some taller shoes.  The photos are below, if you can try to ignore some of the ridiculous faces I’m making.

so, my custom dress fiiiinally came!!  i’m a little worried it’s too tight, but i’ve decided to go with it.  it’s very curve-hugging but i am determined to like the shape of my body so why shouldn’t i show it off.  i know i have a little round bowling ball of an abdominal bulge, and saddlebags over my hips that are not going away, but if i really love my curves then i love those curves too.

I haven’t been shopping in a while (which is a breath of fresh air for my bank account) so nothing new to post here lol.  But, I was thinking about fitness and body image issues in general and wanted to ruminate on them in print.

First, fitness.  Last July, I had my fitness tested by being hooked up to some kind of oxygen meter and spinning.  I got my VO2max (49.2) and my RMR (1652), and a nice workout plan to follow to improve my running and cycling.  Well, I didn’t stick to the plan so much; you know what they say: life got in the way.  I consider it a win that I’ve been exercising as well as I have been at all.  But, I do feel like my fitness has improved a lot since then and would love to know my new VO2max, if it’s gone up, and my new RMR, if it’s gone down from losing 15lbs or stayed the same from building muscle. (I highly doubt I built enough for it to have gone up.)  But for now I’m not going to spend the $150, since I’m not committed to sticking to a training plan and haven’t made the decision to do a Triathlon or anything.  I know I need to “just do it”, BUT (I know, I know) it’s so hard to stay on a training plan that isn’t very flexible, oftentimes when I want to be doing other things. I don’t mean I’d rather be sitting on the sofa, I mean I’d rather be doing the elliptical than running or something like that, and I really don’t want to start to see exercise as a chore again.

As for the body image stuff, I’m sure I’ve written about this before, but it’s the same struggle with being “at goal” in some senses (happy where I am, body seems to like it here, I can maintain it, it was my original goal) and yet still wanting to lose a little more, less for the look than for the number and the “image” that I think goes with it.  Is it disingenuous of me to declare myself at goal, and still kind of wish that the next 5lbs would come off (I say wish rather than try bc I’m not giving it the effort I know it would take to actually shed those pounds)?  When will weight stop taking up so much of my mental energy?