The beginning of the New Year is always filled with such hope for the future isn’t it? I feel like I have had the same resolution since I was 13 years old -lose weight. I have come to the point where I wonder if I will ever truly feel happy and comfortable with my body. I am dying to be 10 pounds thinner yet when I was , I wanted to be even thinner than that. I look back at photos of me in high school at 116 and I remember how fat and ugly I thought I was. Goodness I was nearly 30 pounds lighter than I am today. Seeing everyone’s recommitment posts and inspirational pins on Pinterest are actually making me a bit grouchy because I feel like next year at his time I will be typing the same kind of post after I have fallen off the wagon yet again. This by no means is me giving up- I’m just trying to give myself a reality check early on, reminding myself that I have tried and failed and backslid so many times over the past 15 years that I really need to change if I am going to a make progress.

Yesterday was New Year’s Eve. I made it to the gym to sweat it out on the treadmill for half an hour and it felt good. I had stayed up way too late the night before and ate way too much crap and I didn’t feel like going at all. I knew the gym would be closed today though so I forced myself to go and I’m glad I did. I always feel much better after a good sweat session.

I headed to my sister’s New Year’s party and stayed far away from the snack table. We skated on her backyard skating rink (so Canadian of us) and played ping pong in her basement. To be honest I convinced my husband to head home around 10pm and for the first time since I was 12 years old, I was not awake to greet the new year. Sorry 2014, I was exhausted. I was able to control myself yesterday though and ate in moderation. I even cooked my husband and I spaghetti squash for dinner. I love spaghetti squash. It is so satisfying but so low in calories and high in vitamins.

I checked the scale this morning and I was down to 140.9. Not a huge change but considering the bad behaviour I have been exhibiting as of late, I was quite pleased. Today will be my last will power obstacle for the next couple of weeks. I have a New Year’s Day party with my closest girlfriends and their husbands. We always eat too much and my one friend has told me to come hungry and ready to eat homemade cannolis. While that sounds delicious I need to find a way to pass the time with these friends that doesn’t involve eating and and more eating. How can I be polite but not lose control? Wish me luck today. If I make it through today without binging on junk, I have a few weeks of clear sailing. I am back at work tomorrow after 2 weeks of holidays and this will help me get back into a good routine. Eating three meals a day with healthy snacks - apples and carrots instead of cookies and boxes of chocolates, regular visits to the gym and lots of water.