Marathon Mom

A.M. weigh in: 169.4

Upon reflecting, I would guess there has been more snacking during the day than I’m probably copping to, at least consciously. Especially at night. It’s like I do great during the day (or pretty OK) and then at night, I just get a bit hungry. And next thing I know, I’ve eaten 4 Eggo waffles (plain) and a flour tortilla with some cheese (quesadilla). That was just last night. It frustrates me that I have this invisible block of time that when I eat, I think mentally that it doesn’t count. Of course it counts. But I don’t count it. And I think that’s the problem.

Damn it.

But it still means that I’m not really doing well during the day. I’m hungry at night to the point that it’s making me want to eat. I don’t think it’s a matter of being bored or distracted. I’m actually hungry. Like right now. My stomach is actually growling.

Here’s today’s menu:

1st thing this morning: protein bar
Breakfast: WW egg, bacon and cheese breakfast sandwich
Snack: Yoplait Boston Cream Pie LIght Yogurt (& being honest, a handful of crunchy Cheetos… ok, 2 handfuls)
Lunch: Eating Right butternut squash ravioli
Snack: Yoplait Cinnamon Roll Light Yogurt
Dinner: Eating Right some kind of chicken dinner thing (I don’t remember which one)
At Home: Lean Cuisine BBQ chicken pizza

I would say that I’ve eaten roughly 1400 calories today. Especially since I didn’t exercise today, that is really plenty. So WHY am I sitting here hungry at 7:20pm? I drink lots during the day. Tons. It’s definitely not mis-directed thirst. I could even eat a salad, it’s not about cravings. And I find that if I go to be THIS hungry, I wake up in the middle of the night. I do not want to start night eating. I’ve been there once before and it is a crazy place. No way I’m going to start getting up at 2 am for a snack!

I just need to figure this out. I need to eat more filling foods. I know the biggest problem with the above menu is that everything is prepared, prepackaged and full of preservatives. It’s NOT filling, I’m not getting very much for my calorie buck. This simplest answer is usually the right one. Less prepackaged foods and more real fruits and veggies. It’s really as simple as that. So why is it so HARD???!!!

Weight this morning: 148.4 (still up 4 pounds from pre-Vegas weight. Total bummer!)

My first WW weigh-in in two weeks… I’ve been to Vegas for a week, a girls night out of wine-tasting and sushi, AND the Superbowl with it’s accompanying ill-gotten snack food gains. The scale will not be kind. I could possibly weigh in more tonite than I did when I signed up three weeks ago. Yay for that - NOT!!

BLEH - oh, and my mom. She totally bailed on me tonite! Decided to go and visit my sister instead because she knows she gained weight too and doesn’t want to weigh-in. Way to set a great example there MOM!

But I’m still going. Why? Because hiding from the truth never solved anything. Pretending there wasn’t a gain is stupid. And deep down, I know that seeing an ugly number on the scale will help keep my motivated, focused and on-plan this week. And then I’ll have it to compare to next week’s weigh-in. And I can celebrate that victory. So that’s why I’m going. Hiding my head in the sand is how I got to 220 lbs in the first place - and I’m sure as heck not going THERE again! Not after all this hard work. Besides, I gave away or otherwise got rid of my entire wardrobe. I only have clothes that currently fit or are in my next smaller size (I use that for goal focus.) So I can’t afford to gain any weight - I’d have to go buy bigger clothes and that ain’t happenin’!

The no exercise thing is sucking, btw. My night time routine is totally screwed. And now I find myself in front of the computer… and what do I want to do when I’m mindlessly surfing the net? Why snack of course! SNACK SNACK SNACK!! I have got to figure out a way NOT to do that. I think I might be grounded from the computer again until I can work that one out. Much suckage.

UPDATE

I am SO glad that I sucked it up and went to WW!! I am only up 2.2 lbs! I was sure I was up 4 or quite possibly more. So I had a gain AND I’m super happy about it - how funny is that!

The other reason I’m SO glad I went is that a couple of the women who remember me from last year, stopped me after class to tell me how really great I look. And to ask me questions about how I’ve done it. What the one biggest change I made? etc… We talked for about 30 minutes. So, here I went feeling down, disappointed in my gain, and not really wanting to be there… and walked out feeling thinner, more confident and with a real sense of accomplishment! I’m an inspiration to others! Who knew!!

I want to snack. There, I said it. SNACK - like on crackers and chips and… crackers. I even let myself have a small handful earlier, hoping that would satisfy it. But it didn’t, because the urge, the NEED, to snack has nothing to do with hunger. Sick child=snack. Problems at work=snack. Sick child + problems at work=total snack attack!!

So I thought I would blog about it instead of giving in to it. It does not help that I can hear my mom just on the other side of my office wall crunching away on Wheat Thins!!

I worked out this morning - 30 minute strength training DVD (nothing like Jillian Michaels yelling at you at 6am!) and then Week 3 Day 1 of Couch to 5K (23 minutes on the treadmill). I’ve eaten healthy today, well within my calories. I’m definitely not hungry. I just want to crunch. And no, baby carrots won’t cut it. I want crackers, Chex Mix, chips - crunchy, salty CARBS!!! Oooooooh - toasty, crusty garlic sourdough bread, a whole loaf of it… Ok, I need to seriously stop that!

I will go home. I will work out. I will enjoy a nice big fat cup of tea while watching The Biggest Loser. And I will be in bed by 10, unless I’m on puke patrol (re: sick child paragraph 1.) I will NOT give in to the snack monster - cause once I let him loose, he’s almost impossible to reign back in.