Marathon Mom

Weight: 158.6

Feeling: blech. I’m off work today. I’m now taking off Tuesdays. And so I have like a million things to do. And yet, I woke up with a raging headache (though it’s tapering off a bit now.) But as the headache has lessened, my stomach has started roiling. I can HEAR it, and it does not sound happy! My feet are freezing cold. I don’t want to move out of bed, I want to stay curled up warm and quiet. The kids are at school. I have the house to myself (pretty much, Tad’s home with pink eye and Cali’s leaving in a few minutes to hang out with friends.)

I’m eating some clementines and trying to get my equilibrium set. I feel off-balance. It’s the headache. It’s a migraine waiting to happen and it’s pissing me off. NO MIGRAINE TODAY! This always seems to happen. I FINALLY get some quiet time and home and I end up spending it sick and in bed.

NOOOO I have too much to do today. Too much I WANT to do today. Like try some new recipes and get some sewing done. Maybe if I promise myself that I don’t have to clean, my headache will abait. My body may just be throwing a tempertantrum. Let’s try it: Ok body, No cleaning. PROMISE! Only cooking and sewing and crafts - all fun stuff (yes, I LOVE to cook! I could easily live in the kitchen.)

Let’s see if that works.

UPDATE 8:38 PM

Tried to eat my way through the headache. Didn’t work. Went to a movie. Didn’t work. Took Advil. Didn’t work. Drank lots of caffeine. Didn’t work. Headache wins KO. I feel like crap. I’m stuffed. All the meds upset my stomach so I ate SO MUCH MORE than I wanted. Stomach ache is gone now, but I’m FULL. I hate that.

ARGH. I hate today.

Diet Buddy Daily - no problem snacking during Biggest Loser. I ate so much beforehand, I feel like puking! One way to kick that snacking habit! PS: totally not recommended!

Weight: 160.4

Monday and TOM have joined forces to add invisible pounds to the scale. I have nothing that could account for a two pound gain in two days. (They probably shot JFK too!)

I was totally going to get up and do my 45 on the elliptical this morning. The alarm went off and I hit the snooze again and again… until I just finally turned off the alarm and accepted that the exercise was not going to happen. I am refusing to turn on the heat yet. We live just north of SF, it just doesn’t get that cold here. Except that it dropped into the 30s last night. And that is freakin’ cold!! So the temp in the house is in the 40s and I was wearing light pjs with one blanket. And I was too cold to get up, much less think. I finally had to get up to pee this morning and THAT’S when I put on some sweats. And when I mentally gave up on the exercise this a.m.

I still have just a touch of congestion deep in my chest. But just a touch. Not enough to warrant no exercise anymore. I’ve now gotten into my lazy, slothful, winter hibernation phase. And getting up early to exercise is going to be ten times harder than during the summer. I need to put a big poster of Paris up in my room, to look at everyday and help with the motivation. FIVE MONTHS - the Paris Marathon is in exactly 5 months (April 11, 2010) which also means my 40th birthday. I had plenty of time when I made this goal four months ago. But now it’s getting to crunch time. I can’t believe I’m almost to the halfway point. And yet, my progress is not nearly there.

It’s not time to panic yet! But it is time to get seriouser. Yes, I said seriousER. I have got to get rid of this extra weight. I can’t run a marathon carrying around thirty extra pounds. Period. I need to buckle down. Instead I’m just kind of meandering about. Time to step it up. Time to lay out some plans. I do so much better with a schedule. I’ll be putting that together today. I am doing this. I won’t give up.

Weight: 158.6

So I finally got whatever it was out of my eye yesterday, but it continued to be irritated for the rest of the day. Would spontaneously tear up. And I woke up this morning with it all crusty (sorry for the TMI) but thankfully whatever it was, was finally completely gone. No pain, no faint scratchy scratchy and the tearing has stopped. However, it is a lovely swollen red googly thing. I am a beauty and wonder to behold! Nothing some eyeliner and mascara can’t fix! Or mask sort of. I’m in the office for a half day and then home. I shouldn’t frighten too many children.

I took the kids to see Disney’s A Christmas Carol (in digital 3D!!) last night. It was awesome (but scary for younger kids, I was surprised at how intense parts of it were! I wrote a review for the Imperfect Women website - that should be up in the next day or so.) I did NOT buy candy, popcorn or a soda. I brought my water bottle. I had my daughter make up little baggies with their halloween candy in it for the kids and then I bought them each a Slurpee (cause they were whining and sulking about no popcorn and I wanted to enjoy the movie! Plus, I admit to feeling guilty for sneaking in food so I feel obligated to buy SOMETHING at the concession stand. Yes, movie snacks are horribly over-priced, but two wrongs don’t make a right. And I worry about teaching my kids that it’s ok to break rules if you feel they’re wrong… moral implications and ambiguity blah blah blah…) ANYWAY - so I had a couple or three pieces of their Halloween candy. And my water. I am a saint!

Today will be a bit harder cause I’ll be home and baking for part of it. In the KITCHEN. Yeah, that’s a hard one for me. It’s one thing not to snack cause I have no access to snacks. It’s another thing to be surrounded by food and handling it! I am not made of stone! Yikes!!

I’m still not feeling one hundred percent. I have just the remnants of that cold still lingering about. I’m a little snuggly and I cough occasionally, but when I do it’s DEEP. Like from my toes. And it’s what’s called “productive” or “wet” which means ICK! So as long as that’s going on, any real exercise like running is just out. So I’m trying real hard to focus on the healthy eating. Which is hard considering TOM IS IN THE HOUSE and being super demanding this go around. I really just want to curl up in bed with chocolate and a bunch of Brendan Fraser movies! Especially George of the Jungle - mmmm…. loincloth Brendan!

You know, I AM still sick. I shouldn’t be handling the kids’ food. Yeah, it’s really in there best interest that I NOT cook. I’m just thinking of the children (the CHILDREN!) Because I, am all about the children.

Weight: 159.0

I need to get back to daily blogging here. If nothing else, it keeps me accountable. It was too easy last month to just sort of shut my eyes and think “eh, tomorrow. I’ll get back on it tomorrow” and then eat whatever and not work out. That’s how I put back on those 20+ lbs over the summer. That’s EXACTLY how I did it! Well, I’m not going to blindly eat my way through the holidays. I just can’t start the New Year with it all to do over again. Especially since I’ll be only 14 weeks from my marathon in Paris. I need to be in top form, not recovering from a three month binge!

Uh-oh… I just ate a vanilla tootsie roll midgie (the little ones.) Well, it was delivered by my 5 year old who has dubbed herself the Candy Fairy and runs around leaving candy under everyone’s pillow (can you tell the Tooth Fairy has been to our house recently?! Not for her, though, but for big brother Sean who has now lost more teeth than he has left! He looks like a human jack-o-lantern!) I couldn’t hurt the Candy Fairy’s feelings, now could I?! What kind of a mother would I be, I HAD to eat it for the emotional well-being of my child (laying it on a little thick there? Dammit!)

I’m still sick, a lingering chest and head cold. But I feel MUCH better today than I have the last few. I am optomistic that I’ll be able to get back to the exercising thing by the weekend *knocks on wood*!

Gotta get moving for work. I’ll finish this up later.

UPDATE 10:17 AM

Perhaps starting the day with a visit from the Candy Fairy isn’t so great afterall. Since I grabbed three fun size snickers and a regular tootsie midgie on my way out the door. However, I WAS planning on picking up a gingerbread latte at Starbucks on the way into work and I skipped it because of the little candy-fest. So calorie and sugar wise, I’m probably balanced out. Guilt - we don’t need no stinkin’ guilt!!

I have now had a Lean Cuisine Flatbread melt thing for breakfast (I believe you should consume the most calories in the morning and wean down as the day goes on, like I hear they do in Europe. Cause I’m all fancy-schmancy like that!) And I’m currently enjoying a hot cuppa Lady Grey tea. I feel more “on” now, like I’ve narrowly escaped a really bad accident. Day started off not great, but I’ve “fixed” it.

Today is going to be a busy one. But I’ve got a plan brewing in my noggin’. I’m going to beat this holiday season yet!! New Years Day will see me at my lowest weight so far, and within a stone’s throw of my goal weight. I CAN DO IT!!!

UPDATE 4:40 PM

Currently paving the pathway to Hell…

I have eaten three packages of 100 calorie Keebler fudge stripe cookies and 4 packages of 100 calorie Cheez Its (ya, lets not do the math on that, shall we??) Also had a Lean Cuisine Southwest Chicken Panini for lunch. I would declare food OVAH for today - but who are we fooling? I’m going to go home and eat more candy, with our without accompanying fairy.

NO, I’M NOT!!! I just thought of this!! I have a two hour meeting tonite after work (that I do NOT want to go to, but that’s just life, ain’t it!) and while I’m gone, I’m going to have the kids divide up all the candy into Candy Sean CAN Have and Candy Sean Can’t Have (because it has: gluten, dairy, and/or peanuts - which, yes, means most of it.) Then I’m going to have them put it into two separate and appropriately labeled tupperware containers in the cupboard and out of sight. I am definitely a see/do kind of person. And out of sight/out of mind totally works with me… mostly. It helps anyway.

They’ll probably have pastries and cookies at the meeting tonite. Dammit!

instead I feel like death warmed over. OK, not that bad. But pretty bad. Head cold, one side is all stuffed up, including the ear on that side. UGH. And my chest hurts just a tiny bit when I take a deep breath (so I try not to do that. Ba-dum-bum.)

I don’t even know what my weight is right now, but I’m pretty sure I’m up in the 160s. It’s been some kind of candy-fest-binge-orgy-free-for-all. It’s like I totally lost my mind. I know I’ve been thinking that come November 1st I was going to tackle this all HARD. But of course, now I’m sick. And while exercising is definitely out (what with the deep breathing issues) the eating right is back ON!

Patty gave me two awards last week, and I’m not feeling very deserving of them right about now. But I vow to change that!!

Crap, I started writing this all this morning and here it is after 6pm and I’m just now getting back to it. Sadly, all too typical of my days lately!

In the meantime, Suzeeeq also nominated me for a Gorgeous Blogger award but it looks like it’s going to require me to actually DO something. I just took some PM type meds and thinking is not really one of my strong suits when I’m all medicated! I will be doing a whole post just for that one… tomorrow!

Night all. Tomorrow is Monday, new day, new week, new month - BRING IT ON!!

I figured out the problem last night. I’m sick. I am coming down with a cold. Raw, sore throat, blocked sinuses, nagging headache, body aches… ugh. No wonder I feels so off!! I’ll be living off ColdEeze (I have a supply at work) I swear they are a miracle cough drop thingy - if I take them as soon as I start feeling sick (or realize that’s what it is!) it stops it in its tracks and either the cold goes away immediately or  it never really develops and just lingers for a few days in that “I’m coming down with something” level, but never becomes a full-blown cold. It better work this time. I can NOT get sick right now!

Today is day two of no exercise. What with the cold and all, I guess the timing works cause there’s no way I could go out running this way anyway. So it’s giving my calf muscles the much needed time to heal and repair. I really want to get back to running on Saturday. Sunday is supposed to be my first 6 miler and I’m really looking forward to it.

Food is what it is. I think my taste buds have a cold too. I just feel blah about it. Good news would be that eating something unhealthy is just as unappealing as eating my regular menu. In fact, I may scrap the whole breakfast thing this morning and get one of the low-cal healthy smoothie from Jamba Juice with a vitamin boost. Since my throat is hot and raw, all it wants is something cool. The calorie exchange would be the same and it’d be chock full of vitamins and good stuff.

All I really want to do is crawl under the covers with a giant dose of Niquil and sleep until I feel better! Being sick sucks!

UPDATE 10:34 AM

Did I mention the other day that Skye was home sick with a fever? Yeah, I should have thought of that. My office thermostat says it’s 80 degrees in here and I’m covered in goosebumps and shivering. Well… CRAP!! I’m supposed to go over and check on my grandparents and I don’t know if I dare. But my grandfather’s doctor called and left me a message to call him back. When I called the number he left, I get the appointment nurse who can’t help me AT ALL if I don’t have my grandfather’s Kaiser number. I would go on a how much I hate Kaiser rant right now, but I don’t have the energy. Suffice it to say KAISER SUCKS. I had the worst birthing experience with them years ago (and I’ve had 5 kids, so I have plenty to compare it to. If that had been my first birth, I would only have one child. It was THAT bad!)

Well…. piles of excrement! This is not cool.

UPDATE 4:18 PM

Did I mention that Skye was sick with fever for like 12 hours and then PRESTO! she was just fine again. And I kept her home yesterday just to be sure. Well, I hate to jinx the whole thing, but I’m thinking I had what she had with maybe a touch of allergies. Cause my eyes and throat are still a bit hot. But sinuses - fine. Fever - gone. Hot and cold chills - gone (and they were NOT fun for a few hours there, let me tell you!)

Now, I just feel like my allergies are flaring up. Which they probably are. Overall, I feel a bit better. Imagine that! I am tired, though. Very very very tired. I haven’t slept well the last few nights and I’ve been taking an Advil PM every night. So that is extra suckage.

My calf muscles are feeling a bit better as the day goes on too. I have to climb a big flight of stairs to get to our upstairs warehouse. And it’s hardly hurt at all to do that this afternoon. I could barely manage at all yesterday. I’m thinking Saturday is run day. Period. Totally gonna do it!

Tomorrow night is movie night. I’m probably going to see All About Steve (new Sandra Bullock/Bradley Cooper/Thomas Haden Church flick). Can I just put in a word here for Thomas Haden Church? He is totally overlooked for the brilliant, super-funny, totally awesome comedic actor that he is. If he is in a movie GO SEE IT!! He will make it worth it. Don’t believe me? Rent Imagine That? (the Eddie Murphy kid/family flick that came out a few months ago.) I don’t know if it’s on DVD or not yet, but when it is GET IT. He is in it as Eddie’s nemesis and he makes the whole movie!! Yes, for those wondering, he was Lowell in Wings (tv series back many many moons ago!)

But I also want to see Extract starring Jason Bateman and this whole wild cast of characters including Ben Affleck, Mila Kunis, Kristen Wiig, JK Simmons, and even Gene Simmons (yes THAT Gene Simmons!) It looks off-beat and a little edgy, maybe a slightly darker comedy… which is definitely more my type.

Ah, decisions decisions decisions!!

A.M weigh-in: 170.2

I ended up in the ER at 2:30 am with Sean and Skye, both running fevers of over 102 and Sean having a mild asthma attack. It was time to see a doctor. And to be tested for swine flu (or any kind of flu.) Thank goodness that came back negative! Whew, big relief. Swine flu is active in my area, and it’s actually a real concern here. The doctors were worried (and very relieved) when the swab was negative. So it’s some sort of viral illness, that will run it’s course. And they’ve prescribed Sean more steriods for the asthma. This is difficult. Hopefully they’ll all be feeling better by the weekend. I need some sleep!!

I picked up Yoplait fat-free yogurts, grapes, 60 calorie pudding cups, and some of those Knutsen cottage cheese double things. And sushi for today’s lunch. Cause I love it and am worth it.

And then my co-worker gave me a box of veggie crackers and a small block of extra sharp cheddar cheese because she didn’t care for them. And I am not one to turn down crackers and cheese. I wish I were! I only ate half the box of crackers (do I get extra points because they contained flecks of vegetable flavored bits?) and about 3 of the 6 oz cheese block. That, my friends, is called restraint!

I SHOULD go home and at the very least walk on the treadmill for 30 minutes just for the sheer point of doing it. I WANT to go home and climb in to bed while watching reruns of Friends on TBS. I most likely WILL stop at the grocery store on the way home for more meds, something for dinner, and then proceed to cook, clean and do all manner of motherly things domestic. Or grab Taco Bell and blog-surf. It’s really 50/50 at this point.

I would do just about anything for 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep. And yes, drugging my kids with cough syrup has been suggested by well-meaning friends. Did you know that a small percentage of the population become exciteable and hyper when given cough syrup that normally renders the rest of us comatose? Guess which percentile of the population Sean falls into? All I can hope is that the ‘roids do their trick soon and he’s not hacking up a lung all night, unable to get enough oxygen into his little lungs. I know I complain, but he’s the one suffering (well, I am suffering a little *pity-plea*)

All fingers and toes crossed for tomorrow being a better day.

AM weigh-in: 164 (I don’t think I even care anymore)

I have officially come down with the worst cold. I hurt. I am TIRED. And since I have to work, all I do is sit at my desk all day and eat: pretzels, crackers, cookies… carbs carbs carbs. The evil carbs. Not the good, healthy, full of fiber carbs like vegetables and whole grains. No, the white flour, sugar, fat fat fattie mcfatterson fat making carbs. And Coke Zero. So carbs and caffeine - that is literally what is animating my body these days. Maybe with a touch of sheer willpower.

Calling in sick is not an option. One, cause it’s a stupid cold. It’s not the flu, it’s not bronchitis or anything even remotely serious, it’s just a stupid cold. I’m miserable, but not anywhere near dying. Which means, I’m also pissy. Cause I feel like crap, but not death warmed over crap. Just crappy crap. So I feel like a big fat cry-baby whiner. Cause I am. And I hate that.

Second, I took so much time off the past two months and I can’t afford another day off. Especially since I still HAVE to take time off this week for Skye’s 5 year check up and next week for graduation. I’m so behind on my hours that it’s like a whole paycheck. I have massive making up to do!

Did I mention that I really just want a nap? Like a three day nap? Is that really so much to ask?

AM Weigh in: 151.0

OMG - I woke up this morning and could hardly move. Oh how I would love to say its because I had a killer workout session yesterday. But alas, it’s because I’m coming down with a horrible head cold. I feel like crap with a capital S!! And here I sit at work. Working. Well, blogging. But then totally working. Man, I would love to take a sick day. But sick days are not an option here. So I suck it up and deal. At lunch, I’m heading over to Safeway for some Cold-eeze. I swear by these things!! I haven’t come down with a full-blown cold in years thanks to these little beauties!

AM weigh-in: 151.6

Stayed on point yesterday… up until I discovered that the movie theater had FROZEN JUNIOR MINTS! Hell, that’s not even fair. I am powerless against those little chocolate covered mint pellets of goodness when they’re in their frozen state. POWERLESS. And they were awesome.

So overall, I ate well yesterday (the frozen JMs were in place of dinner last night. I know I know, not the most healthy or nutritious choice, but damn tasty!) I didn’t get any exercise in beyond the usual up and down stairs at work and general housecleaning at home. I did get a good 8 hours sleep last night, the first in well over a week. I feel a bit better today. Small headache still. I need to change the pillow arrangement while I’m in sleep mode - I keep waking up with a stiff neck and headache, I almost feel hungover. I had been attributing it to all the painting I’ve been doing at night the past week. But it’s been a couple of days now and I’m not feeling much better. I think the paint fumes have dispersed enough, they shouldn’t be affecting me anymore.

And, it’s time to get that exercise routine back on track. Birthday is now in less than a month. Panic totally setting in!