Marathon Mom

A.M. Weigh-in: 150.4 (sooo not right!)

Today I woke up feeling SO off. I had a horrific nightmare. HORRIFIC. I won’t go into it, but I can’t remember having a nightmare like that since the year following my dad’s death when I was 17. So when I woke up this morning, I was shaken, really upset, unable to get the visuals out of my head, and totally exhausted. Not really a great way to start the day.

I missed breakfast, grabbed a Slimfast bar for a late midmorning snack and immediately regretted it cause those things are like 3 or 4 points and about as filling as eating a rice crispy bar (in other words, not at all!) So being off my game and starving, I ALMOST drove to Jack in the Box for a quickie, pick me up, totally NOT healthy lunch. Instead, I drove to Safeway and grabbed an order of spicy tuna spring rolls and a small Thai Chicken Noodle salad. Points total for both is 9.5, which is not optimal but much better than the couple hundred a burger and fries from JBs would have!

HOWEVER, it’s now 12:45. And I just realized that I’m probably in the early stages of PMS, looking at the calendar. OH CRAP!! I do not need to start another two week bender right now!! I was just getting back on track… but all I can think about is ice cream and chocolate. This is SO not cool. I need to keep on plan, but the grapes and baby carrots in the fridge upstairs ain’t gonna cut it. I’m not even hungry at all right now. I just WANT. I’m very frustrated right now. Oh, and I have a raging headache. RAGING!!! I’m sure I can attribute that to last night’s horrorfest.

And the “best” part - I’ve been checking the weather forecast for a week and it’s been predicted that Saturday would be all bright and sunny (no surprise, sunshine in LA in May, right?!) Well, guess what?! As of TODAY, there’s a storm coming in and it’s supposed to rain Friday and Saturday! Really??  REALLY!!! Why not snow? WTF happened to “it never rains in Southern California?” Two trips in a month and the ONLY time it’s rained is when I’ve been down there. This is ridiculous!! Where’s the freakin’ chocolate?!!!

UPDATE 2:21 PM

Most of the way thru my 2nd pack of WW Fruities - thank goodness they’re only 1 pt per pack. I ate four of them at the movies last night! But they ARE helping me chew my way thru the afternoon without doing any further damage.

However, I’m spending tonite at the movies too (long story involving teenage daughter and some live action anime movie that’s a one-nite showing.) Am very worried I’ll be losing it completely tonite at the movies - frozen junior mints call to me!

A.M. weigh-in: 147.4

I think I’ve officially entered PMS. Only it’s PPMS and the first P stands for psycho. I don’t know what happened, it’s like a switch has been flipped inside my head. All my upbeat and chipperness has gone. I feel angry, irritable, frustrated and just so damn tired. Part of it can be attributed to kids and illness. Someone has been sick basically every day so far this year. Especially Sean and Skye, who also sleep in my room (though usually on their own little beds.) They’ve both had middle of the night ear aches - different nights, of course, so as to spread out the sleepless nights for me as much as possible. Slight fevers. Bad coughs, especially Sean, who then is left wheezing. Lots of cold medicine, children’s motrin for the fevers and earaches, albuteral for the asthma. And that’s just night time.

During the day, it’s calls from the schools, calls to the doctors, doctor visits, errands, multiple trips to the store for more medicine… and then I got the call from Tad’s pre-algebra teacher. Guess who has only turned in two homework assignments since Winter break? Guess who’s getting an F on this next progress report? GREEEAAAATTTT!!! Right back where I started with these kids. I’m guessing the same is true for his other classes… and probably Jason too. Cali graduates in a few more months, I’m hoping she’s been smart enough to keep her grades up.

I am EXHAUSTED! And I feel like I’ve totally lost my grip on everything. I don’t know what I was thinking signing up with eHarmony. I’ve gotten some communication, but not much. I’m thinking I jumped into this too soon. I was hoping to get at least a couple of dates out of this, but now I’m doubting that. And part of that, maybe most of that is because I’m not willing/able to put in the amount of time you need to really work the system. I’d emailed back and forth with a guy who lives about two hours away, he wanted to move on to phone calls. And I said I wanted to keep it at emails cause I don’t like to talk on the phone. And I don’t. At all. Not even to my best friend, we email. Part of it is that I have a small hearing problem. I can’t filter out background noise very well and hearing on a cell phone is VERY difficult. I have to ask people to repeat themselves a LOT, which gets annoying for everyone, especially me. Cause I feel stupid and inept. The other part is that I don’t get ANY quiet phone time. EVER. How in the world could I talk to a “guy” with my kids walking in and out of the room? Work is beyond out of the question. And I’ve already addressed the whole cellphone issue. Phones just don’t work. Well, guess who I haven’t heard back from. Yeah, big surprise. Not that we’d hit it off or anything, but still. And that’s probably how it’s going to be with anyone. I’m not in a good place in my life to start dating. I’m SO glad that I only did the one-month trial membership so I can cancel it without too much damage to my pocketbook (or ego.) Cause let’s face it, my profile was only getting like 2-5 views a day, and contact had been initiated by 4. 4 total. That’s it. And it doesn’t even say that I have 5 kids on my profile. But I’m 38. And these guys are looking for 20-somethings. I know this because my stepsister who is 28 only dates guys who are in their late 30s and early 40s. And she has dates nearly every night of the week, and we won’t even get into her weekends. Yeah, I’m supposed to be “competing” with her? Not very likely. No, not at all.

So, I’ll continue my sad, lonely existence. I was loving my life just a couple of days ago and now this. Maybe I inherited more of my mom’s bipolarism than I had hoped. Well, that just totally sucks. I’m eating Cheez-its now. It’s not a good day.

Scale said: 147.4 this morning!! I am loving me some WW!! Ok, so I only ate 12.5 points yesterday too. That probably had more to do with it. I’m going to do better about hitting my points today. But it was still nice to see that 147!

So far today, I’ve had: 2 points for sugar free oatmeal and 0 points for fat free hot cocoa. I didn’t get up and workout this morning. Part of it was that while working out last night, I was having some MAJOR left knee pain. I have torn cartilage in both knees and I’m guessing that it was really acting up in my left knee. Also, the arthritis I have in both my knees and back has really been aching. Not fair to be 38 years old and have arthritis and joint pain from it. Seriously!! Freakin’ A!

Well, TOM just showed up. Oh joy. At least that means it will be done and over before I leave for the tradeshow in Vegas next weekend. So, I guess it’s good news. It also quite possibly explains the backpain and horrid headache I’ve had for about a week - PMS.

I ate my points today… well, I’m at 19.5 of 20. So I’m calling it good, but I can have a cup of fat free hot cocoa later if I want. Which might be nice.

I’m leaving work now. Still have to hit Target for a gift, pick up Skye from daycare, pick up dinner for the kids, do 45 minutes on the elliptical, and finish crocheting a baby blanket. All in a night’s work!