Marathon Mom

Weight: 155.4

Monday, the day of new beginnings. The weekly “day 1 - I’m gonna start that diet today” day. A lot of people have Monday as their weekly weigh in day (I did at one point too, thought it would help me stay more on target during the weekend. It’s amazing how you can undo in two days what it took five days to accomplish!)

Since I work Sundays (and a lot of Saturdays too), Mondays have lost a lot of their Mondayness for me (same with Fridays. TGIF doesn’t really mean much when you have to get up and go to work the next morning!) And this has made me rethink the whole “magicalness” that we dieters seem to associate with Mondays. I was reading someone else’s blog the other day (forgive me, I can’t for the life of me remember whos, I read a lot of blogs on here, even if I don’t always comment!) And they stated that they were starting their DAY 1 on a Wednesday, and that sorry if that was weird. I’ve been thinking about that ever since. There’s no magic to starting on a Monday. Just like there’s nothing special about January 1st. But we all have a tendency to use that as an excuse, I think, to be “less than” until that magic day rolls around.

Well, that’s enough reflection and introspection for today!!

I’m in the mid 150s. I’m ready to be back in the 140s. I have in my Progress page, my lowest weight as 146.8, but I know I’ve seen 143 on the scale. At least for a few minutes! And so mentally, that is the lowest weight that I’m trying to get back down to before I can continue my journey into “virgin fat lost”! However, for all intents and purposes, I have 10 lbs to go (give or take, depending on the number you want to use as my “lowest” weight) to be “back down”. My size 8s are starting to get loose. My eyeing my size 6s again.

I still can’t believe I officially lost the entire summer. I know I self-sabotaged. I still can’t figure out why. I mean besides the basic/general “fear, insecurity, etc…” I’ve never been comfortable in my own body, so I guess this is just an extension of that. Even in high school, back when I was 105 lbs, I dressed in baggy sweaters, my dad’s sweatshirts and tshirts, everything oversized and shapeless. Part of it was the style of the time (oh the ’80s, what the hell were we thinking???!!!) but I embraced those styles because I was ashamed of my body. I had quite the rack (still do) and my mom made me feel ashamed of my “assets” (I’m sure my modestly endowed mother didn’t know what to do with a daughter who was sporting a pair of DDs on a size 2 frame!) I was constantly told to cover up, my clothes were too tight, etc… Another aspect was my very strict Mormon upbringing. And the sexual abuse at the hands of my father throughout my childhood… yes, I’m the cliche. And I’m trying now, nearly 40 years old, to finally come to terms with all of it.

Ha, did I say I was done with reflection and introspection???!! Kind of heavy for a Monday!

So, it’s Monday. Time to start AGAIN. Actually, I would have done pretty good yesterday except for the frozen Junior Mints at the movies. Hey, they were FROZEN. That’s like totally my kryptonite. Can. Not. Resist.

The protein bars are gone (I ate the last box one day last week. Yep, you read that right. The whole box. In one day. I have nothing more to say about that. Other than I strongly do NOT recommend doing that.)

So I had a banana upon waking. I’m out of No Doze and not planning on buying anymore. The habit has been made and I’m able to wake up and get moving in the morning without it. Which was the whole point.

I ran 3 miles yesterday. Sorta. I ended up walking more than I care to admit and my time was shameful. That’s what I get for skipping a week. No more cutting running days. My right knee is hurting, it kept waking me up last night. My knee hurt more as the week went on, like the longer I went without running the more it hurt. Which probably is related to the loose kneecaps and that running strengthens the knee muscles that support them and I was just starting to really build those muscles and then suddenly stopped. And now I’m jumping back into it after a week. I think I’ve really screwed this up. It’s going to take a while to fix it. And I need to stay on track and focused.

So, even though I’ve been saying it. Today I’m going to the gym during my lunch hour. I have to. My knees need the extra strength training. I was going to elliptical this morning, but my knee is so bad right now that I can’t put any weight on it. It’s starting to pop and crack a bit and I think the kinks will eventually work out. I also took a mega Advil a bit ago and I’m hoping that will kick in soon. So by the time I need to hit the shower and get ready for work, I should be good to go.

Food-wise, I’m trying to focus more on fruits, veggies and lean proteins. Yeah, I say that about once a week, don’t I. But I have to keep trying. Failure is when you give up. I’m not there yet. I’d love my epithet to read “She never gave up.”

I’ve also decided I’m not going to weigh in until next Monday. I’m going to give myself a week of good, healthy eating and exercise. The day to day fluctuations are getting to me. I need to look at the long-term. We’ll see if I can stay away. I admit that I’m addicted to my scale and will often weigh in multiple times a day. I’m a bit psycho, I’m totally aware of that.

Looks like Rush Limbaugh lost 90 pounds in five months (Good Morning America is on). Not really surprising, when you spew that much bullsh*t it’s gotta come from somewhere!

Speaking of GMA, Meryl Streep is supposed to be on today too! I love her and can not WAIT for Julie and Julia to open this Friday!

UPDATE 5:27 PM

I’ve taken Tiny2b up on her Mini Slump Buster Challenge. That means I’ve commited to the following:

1. Run Tuesday and Thursday
2. Go to the gym (and workout) Monday, Wednesday and Friday
3. No fast food Monday through Friday

Reward should I complete this task: a new pair of sandals

Punishment should I fail: posting a current picture of myself in a bathing suit here and on Facebook. Cause Tiny2b knows how to make it HURT!

And so I will report that I did go to the gym today. AND WORKOUT! Cause I’m guessing that’s sort of the point. Otherwise I could just go hang out at the gym for an hour and read mags, they have tons. I could get all caught up on my Jon & Kate plus Michael Jackson’s love child news. Get tips on the latest Jessica Simpson diet (ok, so I actually bought that one!) But no, I WORKED OUT. Did some leg curls and ab crunches. Spent some time warming up on the treadmill and cooling down on the elliptical. It was all good, baby!

Take THAT, Tiny2b! Ha!

Meant to post today’s menu:

1st thing: banana
Breakfast: sugar free oatmeal
Snack: Yoplait Light Key Lime Pie & Special K 90 calorie pack crackers
Lunch: Big ole salad
Snack: Yoplait Light Lemon Cream Pie, Special K 90 calorie pack crackers, 3 stolen handfuls of White Cheddar Cheez-Its
Dinner: 2 pieces of Gorton’s Salmon (100 calories each)

I’m trying to cut it off there. Note: crackers are not fast food. No, I’m not proud of them, but I didn’t break the whole Slump Busters Challenge rule either. And I didn’t realize how hard this rule was going to be. Cause tonite I’m taking the kids to the beach. And we usually get In ‘n Out Burger cause there’s one like right by the beach we go to and none really close to us. And also, In ‘n Out has gluten free options and they’re sort of on the healthier side of the whole fast food spectrum. But alas, they have a drive thru window and wear little paper hats and ask you if you’d like fries with that, ma’am, thus fully qualifying for fast food status. Damn.

Normally I’m a I LOVE MONDAY person. Start of a new week, kids are back to their schedules, I’m back to my schedule, everything is structured and organized. All the things I love. Only, today sorta sucked. And for no particular reason other than it’s the 12th and I have hardly gotten anything done at work that I wanted to have done by now. It’s January and I already feel behind. That is NOT what January is supposed to be about. So, I’m feeling a little half-empty-cupped right now. And I’m really a glass-half-full kinda girl. In other words, I feel off. I don’t feel myself. I hate that. I’m in a funk. So totally non-descriptive and yet totally accurate.

Foodwise I did good today. I’m over my daily calories by 133 according to The Daily Plate - but my daily calories are only1200, so I’m not all upset about it. However, I haven’t exercised today and I probably won’t. My quad is still hurting from dropping the dryer on it the other day. It’s sore. And not in a good way. Plus, the whole cold/sore throat thing that I’m clinging too. So I’m going to go home, yell at my kids to do their chores for a bit and then snuggle down in bed and watch some tv shows that I’ve recorded but haven’t gotten around to watching - like most of last week’s Oprah. I have a baby blanket to finish crocheting by Saturday and I’m nearly done. I’d LOVE to cross that off my 101 things to do in 1001 days list!! Then at least I’d feel like I was accomplishing something useful. We won’t mention the fact that this blanket was started a year ago, and originally attended as a Welcome New Baby gift. And now he’s going to be a year old. Nope, we’re not mentioning that one AT ALL!!

Just finished Jillian Michael’s Shape-Up Front DVD. Even though I had the alarm set for 7:15, I woke up at 6:30. Without allowing myself to over-think it, I hopped out of bed, suited up and got my butt moving. And now I feel so accomplished. I’ve started the week on the right note. And I’m so thankful for that.

Now it’s time to hit the showers. My kids are all off school the whole week. Weird. But it makes for a much more leisurely morning for me. So I’m grateful for that too. I already have my food ready for today at work. I feel so prepared and relaxed. Plus, the secretary is back today after being off for a week - so I don’t have to cover her job anymore! YAY!! No wonder I’m looking forward to today! Oh, and I got the turkey last night. It’s in the fridge thawing right now. Could I be more on top of things?!