Marathon Mom

Weight: 160.4

Monday and TOM have joined forces to add invisible pounds to the scale. I have nothing that could account for a two pound gain in two days. (They probably shot JFK too!)

I was totally going to get up and do my 45 on the elliptical this morning. The alarm went off and I hit the snooze again and again… until I just finally turned off the alarm and accepted that the exercise was not going to happen. I am refusing to turn on the heat yet. We live just north of SF, it just doesn’t get that cold here. Except that it dropped into the 30s last night. And that is freakin’ cold!! So the temp in the house is in the 40s and I was wearing light pjs with one blanket. And I was too cold to get up, much less think. I finally had to get up to pee this morning and THAT’S when I put on some sweats. And when I mentally gave up on the exercise this a.m.

I still have just a touch of congestion deep in my chest. But just a touch. Not enough to warrant no exercise anymore. I’ve now gotten into my lazy, slothful, winter hibernation phase. And getting up early to exercise is going to be ten times harder than during the summer. I need to put a big poster of Paris up in my room, to look at everyday and help with the motivation. FIVE MONTHS - the Paris Marathon is in exactly 5 months (April 11, 2010) which also means my 40th birthday. I had plenty of time when I made this goal four months ago. But now it’s getting to crunch time. I can’t believe I’m almost to the halfway point. And yet, my progress is not nearly there.

It’s not time to panic yet! But it is time to get seriouser. Yes, I said seriousER. I have got to get rid of this extra weight. I can’t run a marathon carrying around thirty extra pounds. Period. I need to buckle down. Instead I’m just kind of meandering about. Time to step it up. Time to lay out some plans. I do so much better with a schedule. I’ll be putting that together today. I am doing this. I won’t give up.

This week was crazy. Ok, so most of my weeks are crazy. That’s a given. But this week was a bit crazier than the usual. It’s been very stressful getting my grandparents moved into the retirement home. It’s kinda like a sorority house for seniors. It’s very homey and nothing like a nursing home. Even the medical part of the staff dress in regular clothes. However, my grandmother especially does not want to be there. She doesn’t think she belongs there, that she and my grandpa aren’t “that bad”. She can’t remember how to use utensils and will stare at a sandwich trying to figure out how to eat it. I love them both dearly, which is surprising me since they really weren’t very nice people. But they’re my grandparents and so I guess that familial pull is stronger than I expected.

While I was doing a lot of their unpacking, I kept running across pictures of them when they were first married. And it hit me, they used to be young and vibrant and full of life and energy. And now they are shuffling, old and confused. And I feel like bursting into tears because I think it just REALLY hit me that one day in the all too near future, that is going to be me. If I’m lucky enough to live to be 87. My grandpa will turn 88 this month. My great-grandmother (my grandmother’s mom) lived to be 98 and only died because fell when walking and broke her hip and six months later a bloodclot from that leg went to her heart. She was in excellent health, but her mind was gone. And that’s exactly where my grandmother is headed. She still recognizes people… sometimes. My grandpa’s mind is all there, but he has Parkinson’s and it has taken his body. He can hardly walk or speak. He mumbles and is almost impossible to understand. He was never much of a talker anyway, so maybe the combo of Parkinson’s and lack of use. But I noticed my mom today, she’s starting to shake. Just a hint, but there was a definite tremor. She’s 62. She could end up with Parkinson’s and Alzheimers. That is just not fair!!

Anyway, what this mostly has done is really open my eyes. Time is MOVING. I need to make the most of it now!! My marathon days are short and I need to do this while I still can. I didn’t run this week because I didn’t have knee braces (just those ace bandage type things with the little knee opening, I need something to help keep my knee caps from sliding around so much, it’s taking a toll on my shin bones, I can feel then hitting the tops of them and it’s starting to hurt. Also the ligaments on the inner sides of my knee caps have been SORE!) Anyway, I finally went and bought them today. Over $30 for two of them. But if it saves my knees, then I guess its worth it. And I NEED to do this. I need to be able to look back on my life and see that I DID things, didn’t just think about them or talk about them. But DID them.

I look back on my skydiving pictures with pride. I DID it! I look at my 5K ribbon. I did that too.

Now, my weight is UP. Like 25 pounds higher than back in April. And yet, I met one of my son’s friends for the first time the other day and she told him “Your mom is HOT!” Let me tell you, that is nice to hear! I’m not feeling very hot these days, but I’d just gotten my hair done and was feeling “pretty” again and it was just really something I needed to hear. Not necessarily that a teenage girl thinks I’m hot, but that I’m looking pretty good and not looking like the dumpy old mom that I was feeling like a couple of weeks ago. I guarantee you, if she had seen me a month ago, she wouldn’t have said that. Because I felt like crap and I’m sure I was projecting that to the world. I don’t FEEL like crap anymore - I don’t feel like I look my best, but I sure look better than I did two years ago. A LOT better - and I hang on to that.

Plus I have goals and dreams and plans - I have a pretty great future and I’m looking towards it. Life is good. It could be SO much worse. I’m really pretty darn lucky. I’m still in my 30s (just barely!) and I still have more of my life ahead of me than behind me!! THAT is awesome! To realize that over the last couple days has really been a revelation!

Tomorrow I run. I am buying all those healthy foods that my body loves and I should be eating. I am going to resume tracking and counting and working towards that better me that I know is in there somewhere. Paris, here I come!

Yesterday = fiasco

Let’s just say Jack in the Box, Taco Bell and Doritos all made an appearance. And I felt it BIG TIME. I was uncomfortable and had a hard time sleeping last night. My stomach felt distended and I just felt bloated. Even my hand feel fat. I didn’t even weigh in this morning. I’m probably retaining the equivalent of the Great Salt Lake. It’s actually painful. My skin feels stretched tight.

And it hurt my run this morning. OUCH. It was 2.5 miles this morning and I had to walk for about a block half way through just to get myself back together enough to finish. My time sucked ass. It was my worst yet. But I did it anyway. I didn’t roll over and go back to sleep this morning, cause I know that would have been the end of my marathon dreams. I can’t give in this early. So I got up and ran. Because that’s what someone seriously training for a marathon does. And that person = me!

Next time I’m tempted to eat crap, I’ll remember trying to run the next day and how much HARDER it was. It might not work every time, but I’ll know what I’m getting myself into.

Today I’m back ON.

Ran 2.5 miles

Upon waking: protein bar
Breakfast: protein shake
Lunch: planned grilled chicken super awesome salad (already to go in the fridge upstairs)
Snack: string cheese (I’m outta protein bars here at work, damn it!)
Dinner: TBD

A.M. weigh in: 164.0

I did my first run today: 1.5 miles in 22 minutes. That approx. 14 min 30 sec miles. Not exactly breaking any landspeed records there. But totally better than my average of 17.5 minute miles when I ran my 5K back in December. So that’s actually an improvement. Scary, huh!

I created a marathon training blog a while back but hadn’t really done anything with it. I’ve picked it back up again and that’s where I’ll blog the day to day nitty gritty of marathon training specifically.

Marathon-Mommy (cause I’m all kinds of creative when it comes to blog names!)

Happy Sunday everyone!

UPDATE 1:40 PM

I am having the BEST salad for lunch. Bibb and butter lettuce, grape tomatoes, red onions, diced grilled chicken breast, fat-free cheddar cheese, avocado, fresh corn cut off the cob, Walden Farms ranch dressing (0 carbs and 0 calories!), just a drizzle of bbq sauce, garlic powder and black pepper sprinkled on. It’s southwesty and awesome. In fact, I’ve eaten about half and I don’t know if I can finish it!! The secret is I bought a bunch of chicken breast strips, grilled them on the ol’ George Forman and keep them in a tupperware container in the fridge. The salad took me all of 5 minutes to assemble. Quick, easy, uber healthy. Why did it take me so long to get back in the groove when the groove is so simple once I’m here?! I honestly can not figure myself out!!

A.M. weigh-in: 165.0

I found these at Claire’s last night. I also got a matching necklace and bracelet. I’m going to wear them often as a reminder of my goal. I feel so energized and inspired. I am determined to do this!!

This is going to have to be short and sweet. I’ll update when I can. I’m stuck up at the front desk at work today. Which I HATE with a passion. So I’m sneaking on here as it is. I can’t go read other blogs and I’m so far behind on everyone else’s that it’s embarrassing!! I promise I WILL catch up… someday!

Food is on plan and I got up and did 45 minutes on the elliptical this morning. Yesterday I went for a 20 minute brisk walk at lunch during work. I couldn’t hit the gym cause I didn’t have my gym clothes. I can’t today cause if I’m at the front desk, it means we are hurting for manpower big time and I won’t be able to take off. I’ll be lucky to sneak in a few bites of lunch! I do have all my salad fixin’s in the fridge upstairs. I’m all kinds of prepared. Later chickies!! Hope everyone is having a great Saturday. I’m NOT!

UPDATE 9:27 P.M.

What an exhausting day. I work retail, though I usually work in the office. But with the economy the way it is, we’ve had to lay off so many employees that some days I’m now stuck running the front register. Can I just say that I HATE dealing with John Q. Public. He is a rude, ignorant pain in the ass!! Most days I end up sounding like Scrooge, running around screaming I HATE PEOPLE! I get so frustrated that I literally am pulling my hair out. Over the last 10 years I’ve developed a horrible stress mechanism, and I pull the hair out at the crown of my head. I’ve got a bit of a bald spot. It’ll almost fill in and then boom! stress will hit again and the next thing you know I’m back in ponytails trying to keep it covered up.

Well, that’s enough neuroses confessing for one day!

My mom called after I got home and said that I seemed a little stressed when I left work. And suggested I take today off. If you knew my mom, you would know that this is HUGE! She thinks work is relaxing. She loves work. She can’t understand why anyone would want to be away from work. Work is her answer to every problem. Seriously. So I jumped on it!! My three older kids are going in, covering things so I can stay home. Yay. Just me and the two youngest. I have a day of reading, lounging, running through the sprinklers and popsicles planned. Its going to be the best day ever!

A.M. weigh-in: 166.0

Even though my weight is still up, I sure I’ve come out of my depression. Thank Goodness. The hopelessness and self-hatred of the past few months is gone, as is the overwhelming sadness and loneliness. I just feel “better”, like after battling a long and persistent cold (speaking of, I think I’ve come down with one, slight albeit, but annoying nonetheless!)

I’m increasing my protein and cutting way back on my “bad” carbs. Breads and sweets are my trigger foods. Well, carbs in general really. Bread, pasta, pastries, french fries, heck even baked potatoes. Eating even one bite for me is like an alcoholic taking that first drink - I wake up the next day in a carb-hangover with wrappers littered about wondering what the heck happened?!

However, I’m not creating a NO list for myself. Nothing more enticing than a list of forbidden items! My inner brat is spoiled and incorrigible!

More protein and veggies. Less bread, pasta and desserts. I’m counting calories (had to give up the WW membership, I just couldn’t afford the monthly payments to gain weight. Not WW’s fault. I wasn’t working the program. I’m using The Daily Plate, I’ve used it in the past and I really like it! FitDay is another excellent site that’s made BIG chances and inprovements over the last year and I admit, I have an account there too (both are free, I’m a cheapskate!)

On the exercise front, I finally went out last night and bought a new pair of REAL running shoes (Saucony). I cringed at spending $50 on shoes, but they weren’t even close to the most expensive ($135 on running shoes??? REALLY?? Do they run FOR you? And do the windows? Cause ouch!) And if I’m going to really run, I need real running shoes, not the cheapest bargain sneaks that Target has to offer.

I downloaded a 5 week to 5K running plan. Unfortunately, I can’t find a 5K in my area within that time frame. So I don’t have a “goal” I’m working towards, which sort of sucks. But there are 10Ks coming up in October and so I’m long term shooting for them. I REALLY want to run a marathon by 40th birthday, next April. Or better, ON my 40th birthday. Cause I think that would be really awesome, and also I’m totally crazy like that.

UPDATE 10:53 A.M.

How cool would this be: Paris Marathon is held next year ON MY 40th BIRTHDAY!!! I am seriously considering this. I have never been to Europe. And to go to Paris for my birthday and run my first marathon in PARIS on my birthday - that would just be TOOO awesome!!

That sounds crazy, doesn’t it. Most people dream of cruises, lounging on beaches, room service and romance. Not mean, I fantasize about excruciating feats of physical endurance. Yeah, I’m totally whacked! But still, I totally want to do this!!! I’m going to change my blog to Maman de Marathon!!

UPDATE 11:49 A.M.

I’M GOING TO DO IT!! I’ve talked to my mom and she’s going to come with me. She’s been to Paris a couple of times (at least) and she loves Euro-Disney (of course!!) I’m going to pay my way, she’s going to pay hers and we are going to DO THIS!! She thinks its a great idea. And what fantastic motivation for me!! PARIS! In April! I can do this!!!

A.M. weigh-in: 158.2 (and that’s a good thing?!! how sad, so very sad!!)

I did 45 minutes on the treadmill at the gym last night. I also went over some of the leg weight machines with my trainer there and booked an hour appointment for next week. Because…

I do NOT have torn cartilage in my knees!! YAY!! However, I was told that I am double-jointed (who knew?!) and because of this I hyper-extend my knees whenever I stand. Which is ALL.THE.TIME. I am over-stretching the ligaments and tendons. And my kneecaps are loose and sliding around too much because of the over-stretched ligaments and tendons. And if I don’t build up those muscles around my knees and in my thighs PRONTO, MY KNEECAPS ARE GOING TO DISINTEGRATE!! And when I told my mom this, she’s all Yep, that’s what’s happening to me. And I’m all WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?!! And my sister is all, oh yeah, I have that too. That’s why I had to drop gymnastics. And I’m like, why doesn’t anybody tell me anything?! And they’re all “well, we’re telling you now.” Gee, thanks! So helpful!

Instead of sending me to physical therapy, my doc told me to make the most of that gym membership. Hence the meetings with the trainer. Oh, and running. Running is GOOD. He loves that I want to train for a marathon. He says that will help a LOT (if I do it right!) So, I’m back to doing that. Yay!!

And just as he was walking out the door, he turned back and said “whatever you do, do NOT take TaeKwonDo!” and I just about fell off the exam-table laughing, which was not the reaction he expected. I told him that I just signed up for that very class last month, which he thought was a funny coincidence. He said that TKD, karate, kickboxing… all those types of classes involve movements that I need to avoid. Forever. Because of the double-jointedness and tendency to hyper-extend, they will only exacerbate it. Which sucks, because I really wanted to keep on with the TKD and I was really looking forward to starting the kickboxing class offered at my gym!! Total bummer!!

I’m planning on leaving work a little early tonite so I can hit the gym before I go to my daughter’s performance at the high school tonite. I believe it’s the last one. She’s singing a solo (it’s a solos only performance, so basically all the kids are singing solos. It should last around 3-4 hours.) Then we are going to a late showing of Angels & Demons because she has turned out to be a Dan Brown freak! Who knew!!

Today’s intake:

Breakfast: 1 c. frosted flakes (eaten out of the box, yeah, let’s just forget that, shall we?!)
Snack: half of banana (the half Skye didn’t want)
Lunch: Eating Right BBQ Chicken Pizza (not as good as Lean Cuisine’s but about half the price!)
Snack: Slim-a-bear 100 cal. ice cream bar (cause I still have a few in the fridge here at work)
Dinner: pasta feast fund raiser at high school while watching solo performances fund raiser (so much for the theory of a free public school system!)

My two biggest goals for today: not coping out of the gym & not snacking at the movies!

UPDATE 11:28 PM

Crap. Did great at the pasta feast fund raiser - had about a 1/2 cup of penne pasta with tomato sauce (meatless) and most of the plate was a green salad. Oh, and a dinner roll. And then, cause I totally have school spirit, I bought a piece of spice cake at the bake sale. Yep, who’s got team spirit - I DO!

But then, I had my daughter grabs snacks at the movies while I ran to the bathroom before Angels and Demons started… and even though I told her just a Diet Coke, because she loves me, she grabbed me Junior Mints too. Now, if you were lying at the bottom of a pool and someone offered you oxygen, would you refuse? I didn’t think so. So you can understand why I had to eat the Junior Mints! Like until oxygen - absolutely!!

I DID hit the gym on the way home from work. 12 minutes on the stairmaster and 20 on the elliptical. My quads are still spasming a bit, so I’m thinking GOOD WORKOUT!

When I logged into Facebook tonite, one of the ad banners was for Novato Adventure Boot Camp. I have often wondered about doing one of these, and now there’s one right down the street from my house (basically.) I am totally going to do this!! It looks awesome! I may have to re-think the date of my next trip to Disney. I may bump it up a week so I can do the end of May/beginning of June one. I’d do the 5 day a week program and I won’t miss even a day. I’m going to totally commit. Which means I need to make sure my calendar is clear. Oh, I am SO excited about this!!