Weight: ignorance is bliss, also after yesterday I probably exceed my scale’s maximum weight capacity. Boo! 
Let’s just say by yesterday afternoon things took a major downward turn. Involved were malted milk balls aka Whoppers, cheap-ass Cheez-It’s imitation crackers from the $ store (whole box), a small plate of french fries and a pint of a Lucky’s brand wannabe Ben ‘n Jerry’s type ice cream. Stellar.
Did I workout when I got home last night? Yeah, in that I worked out how to justify eating all that crap. I don’t think that burns as many calories as I hoped. Oh, and I wrestled with my conscious. There, that’s gotta count for something.
How do I feel this morning? Did someone get the number of that truck that ran over me? The old adage of you are what you eat certainly applies: I ate a bunch of crap and that exactly how I feel, like a big ole pile of crap.
Saddest part: I am sorely tempted to go grab a big bowl of greasy fat and cholesterol from Jack in the Box for breakfast. Yep, do I learn? No. Do I know how to wallow or what?! UGH.
OK. Here it goes. I’m having a mocha at home, made with sugar free creamer and chocolate syrup so it has less than 40 calories. And an omelete made with egg beaters, a sprinkle of low fat cheese and salsa. Lots of protein, minimal fat, low in calories. I am going to go for a walk at work today and I’ll dress for work accordingly (tennies instead of my cute wedgie sandals). Function over fashion. Mind over matter.
I’m bringing that grilled chicken breast to work today for lunch. I need to pick up some veggies to go with it. I still have bananas, fat free yogurts and even a few jello sugar free temptations mousses that have 60 calories each.
I won’t give up.
I meet with my therapist tomorrow. But I don’t see my doctor for a couple weeks still. This sucks.
Posted on March 18th, 2010 by firefly
Filed under: Uncategorized
Hello,I love reading through your blog, I wanted to leave a little comment to support you and wish you a good continuation. Wishing you the best of luck for all your blogging efforts.
snap out of it! :: slap ::
I am tempted to do what Sunny did & slap some sense into you, since your post is full of self-recrimination & awareness that you are in a dangerous place.
But since she’s already slapped you I get to play good cop instead of bad cop & tell you that it’s okay, it’s over, & that you need to forgive yourself & move on.
I think you’re in a precarious situation right now and you need to come up with a plan to MAINTAIN your weight. Doesn’t sound to me like you are ready to lose and get so serious and disciplined as to drop pounds, but this kind of mindset can be very dangerous for a fast gain, so success right now will be keeping your weight the same for the next few weeks.
What if you use this place as a daily food log? No counting, no restrictions even - just report what you actually ate as you did in this post, let it go & deal with the next meal.
(((hugs))) I know it’s a hard time, but you’ll get through it