A.M. weigh-in: 168.2
I am giving myself 30 days of rock hard commitment. I am almost at 170. I swore I’d never see the 150s again and here I am nearly 20 lbs higher than that. I feel like I’m just spinning out of control and I’ve got to set the breaks NOW! My mojo, I know where it is. Buried under all this newly layered on fat! I do not feel like myself. NONE of my clothes fit, I’m in sweats today. I have ONE other pair of pants that fit and I wore them yesterday. I WILL NOT BUY NEW FAT CLOTHES. Nope. I won’t do it. I have a closet full of clothes that fit great just a month ago. This will stop now.
So I’m dedicating the next 30 days to doing whatever it takes to get myself back on track. I’m going to be selfish and put this, ME, as my number one priority. I’ve got to, I’m literally no use to anyone else like this. I’m moping around. I feel on the verge of tears ALL the time. I put in a sad movie last night so I’d have an excuse to just bawl my eyes out. I don’t want to go out and do ANYTHING. I want to hide in a dark room, preferably my bed. This is NOT good. Depression is trying to drag me down into its wallowing depths and I refuse to go. I will not lose this summer to black, dark, sadness and loneliness. I refuse.
I am meeting with my trainer tonite after work. I’m getting a workout regime set and I will stick to it. My knees have been giving me trouble and I swear it’s due to the extra weight I’m now pounding them with everyday.
UGH - even my boobs hurt from going up a size in the past month. I had to switch back to my slightly larger bra and even it’s tight. The girls HURT and feel the size of watermelons. I hate that. Like I’m not self-conscious enough about my rack already. Now they just feel ginormous! My double chin is back…
Ok, that’s not really making me feel any better. Enough.
So, new commitment day right! And it’s my stepdad’s birthday. So I walk in to work this morning to a big birthday cake… a chocolate birthday cake. So not great. Life is out to get me.
Rules for the next 30 days:
No cake, cookies, candy or anything labeled HOSTESS. Period. No exceptions.
I will exercise EVERYDAY. Even if it’s just 30 minutes. I will do some form of intentional exercise.
I will drink no more than 2 Diet Coke Zero type products a day. (this will by far be my hardest one!)
I will drink at least 1 bottle of water a day (once I get back into drinking water, it’s usually not a problem.)
I will record my food/drink/exercise everyday. Time to get back to the daily FEW.
I will remind myself “just for 30 days” every time I feel like caving. I can do anything for 30 days.
At the end of 30 days, I’ll re-evaulate where I am and then go forward.
Head down, plowing forward. I can do this!
UPDATE 5:48 PM
Heading to meet with my trainer in 40 minutes.
Having a SERIOUSLY hard time… not having a third Diet Coke Zero type thing. (I told you this would by far be the hardest for me. There’s half a chocolate cake like 20 feet from my desk and I’ve hardly given it a second glance. But the 20 oz bottles of Coke Zero are a total Siren Song from the mini fridge by the back door.)
Worried about when I step through the door at home tonite. I did shredded BBQ chicken in the crockpot this morning for the kids to have sandwiches for dinner. The house is literally going to REEK of this. Even if the kids clean up every spec of it before I get home (oh, I’m crying with laughter at the thought… my kids, cleaning, every spec… HAHAHA!!!) But the point is, that scent will permeate every inch of my humble abode. There will be no escaping the smell of BBQ chicken… that is like TORTURE (probaby why they don’t make a Yankee scented candle, cause people would try to ingest them!) Pray for me!!
I need to go straight home and lock myself in my room with my crocheting and two hours of “I’m a Celebrity… get me outta here!” Since that show totally makes me want to vomit, should kill the old appetite no problem! Guess it’s a bonus that it’s on four nights a week (programming Gods, seriously, WTF were you thinking???!!!)
Posted on June 15th, 2009 by firefly
Filed under: daily blathering
Best of luck to you! 170# was my magic number. I couldn’t fit in my clothes and it was time to get serious! I feel your pain and hope to celebrate your success as well.
This rocks. I really like the idea of the 30 days. Good luck!!
Hi Firefly,
I can relate. I am way up from my general maintenance “range” … 145 being my high weight, but here I am at 153 (or 154, not sure, refused to weigh today)
Anyway, if you could use a partner in crime, I could also! I just need to stay on track, starting with no crappy snacks and NO NIGHT TIME EATING! That was my yelling at myself, not you, lol.
Hugs, and GL, you can do this!
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You are right I think most people tend to share that same outlook.
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