Marathon Mom

A.M. Weigh-in: 149.6

Thanks for the comments and suggestions everyone. Beerab, I’m definitely going to try that next time. We made it through with no earaches last night, so I’m hoping that phase is over. At least for the time being.

I started out today thinking that yesterday was more of an aberration. I felt better this morning… and then the day wore on and with it my spirits sank. My life right now is beating me down. Work is just miserable. I literally loathe being there. And I really feel like I’m failing my kids right now. I have no one to turn to in my real life for support or a shoulder to lean on - I work for my mother! If I talk to my sister, she inevitably gets pissed at my mom and says something to her and then my mom comes back at me. It’s never safe to vent to family about family. Everyone tries to “help” and in a work environment that only makes things worse. I have NO friends close by. And that’s hard. Very very hard. I’m feeling the stress.

So, I did well today… until I got home. And then I ate three turkey burgers. I totalled my points for yesterday. It’s just an estimate, but it was at least… 69 points! I am floored. That was without consuming a cheeseburger and the only fastfood I had was a chicken fajita pita and large fries from Jack in the Box. Most of the points were from cereal, bagels and bread. How sad! I don’t keep chips and candy in the house, so I didn’t eat anything like that. No ice cream. Not a single cookie. Just regular food. Crazy.

Tonite was much better by comparison, but certainly not great. I’m sitting here feeling stuffed and uncomfortable. You know what, I never hit that feeling last night. I was numb. Just a bottomless pit. I didn’t feel or taste any of it. I was more in-touch tonite. But the 2nd and 3rd burger were eaten out of anger. I haven’t done any emotional eating in quite some time and now I’ve had two straight days of it. I need to get a grip on this.

And I cancelled my subscription to eHarmony today. I’m definitely not there yet. I need a couple more years before I have time in my life for someone else. At least, the search for someone else. I’m not in a good place right now. I have no time and very little interest. So, I’m backburnering it until further notice. I feel good about that decision.

Well, Biggest Loser is about half over. I just had Sean and Skye make Valentine’s Day cards for their Dad and his mom so I can mail them tomorrow. They are bathed and ready for story time. Am I a terrible mother for squeezing our reading time together in during commercial breaks?!

Posted on February 10th, 2009 by firefly
Filed under: daily blathering