Marathon Mom

I had a box of Red Vines at the movies, a Chicken Fajita Pita from Jack in the Box for lunch, half a small bag of Cheetos as a snack. Not a great day food wise and yet, it was. See, one of my goals for this year is to let go of the guilt I feel whenever I don’t eat perfectly. I have some major food issues and a lifetime history of eating disorders. This year I conquer the last of them. So I didn’t eat perfectly today. So what. I didn’t throw my hands up in the air in defeat and go on an all out binge either. I had a box of Red Vines at the movies. And I enjoyed every single one of them (except for the couple that Skye ate!) Sure, I chowed down on some Cheetos. I can’t remember the last time I ate a Cheeto - it’s been well over a year, that’s for sure! And instead of getting a burger, fries and a shake at Jack in the Box, I got a very healthy, low calorie and low fat Chicken Fajita Pita. And I had that with tea when I got home. And even though it was a holiday. Even though I slept in. Even though I really really REALLY didn’t feel like it, I did 90 minutes on the elliptical tonight. And about halfway through, I felt fantastic.

I’ve felt the change happen in the last few weeks. I exercise because I feel weird if I go for more than a couple of days without it. Like if I go for a day or so without a shower. By day two I just HAVE to shower. I can’t stand not. That’s how the exercise was today (though I have a feeling I can hold out for more than two days.) But I feel off and yucky and just bleck if I go for more than a couple days without working out.

This is it. This is the year that I finally lay those demons to rest. I know that they’ll still pop up from time to time, but I won’t give in to them anymore. I’m going to be free.

Posted on January 2nd, 2009 by firefly
Filed under: daily blathering