Wherever it takes me

I’ve posted before about that super critical voice in my head.  She shoves her way in every so often trying to derail my efforts.  I’m getting pretty good at ignoring her.

Until yesterday when I realized that she’s my mother’s voice.  My mother sat me down yesterday and told me that I never follow through on anything so she has a hard time supporting me in what I say I’m going to do.  Ok, it’s definitely true that my record on follow through is not great.  But, why take away from the positive of what I’m doing to point out my flaws of the past?  That little voice in my own head tells me all the time that I won’t keep up, that I’ll quit just like everything else but I can push through that.

But when the words come from my mother, it’s harder to push them away.  She says how happy she is to see me not being sad anymore but she doesn’t think it will last.  Well if you’re telling me that I’m a failure how am I supposed to be happy and not depressed? (is what my positive voice was screaming back at her)

I will push through this because I know that I’m going to be successful at SOMETHING.  And gaining the confidence that losing all this extra weight, and some of this emotional baggage, is getting me is only going to set me up for MORE successes.  Hell, I’ve lost 15lbs in 8 weeks and met my first 5% goal - and that was without her “support” so I know I can do this.  On the other hand, I need to let these feelings out because that voice in my head has added ammunition to get me off track…..

Every day so far this week I have thought it was the next day (Tues = Wednesday, Wednesday = Thursday, etc.) so today was supposed to be Friday gosh darn it!!  I am exhausted but very happy that I managed to get to that total body class on Wednesday morning all by myself - no DH bashing involved

Also last night, I made a discovery.  First, an admission - I LOVE TACOS.  Actually, I love almost all Mexican food.  I could (and have while in Mexico) eat it every day.  So when my husband mentioned making tacos for dinner last night a bell went off in my head.  You see, I was at target yesterday during lunch and saw that MorningStar Farms had a meal starter that is a replacement for ground beef (or ground turkey in my usual case).  So I told him to pick that up since I figured that with the taco seasoning any aftertaste or texture issues should be covered up

And…… I loved it!!  It is definitely my new replacement for taco meat and I will probably try it in some of my other recipes.  And it’s only 1 point for a 2/3 cup serving. 

Tonight I’m going out to dinner with some of the girls from work.  Shockingly we are going to a Mexican restaurant LOL.  Stay awaaaayyy from the chips has been my mantra all day.

Enjoy your evening Chickies!!  Weigh In tomorrow!!

It’s really amazing to me how much support I receive at work.  Since I’m doing weight watchers at work there’s support among women in all of the different departments, as well as my inter-departement “competition” that we are having. 

My head keeps swelling with the constant chorus of “You’re looking so skinny.”  Now, I don’t see it, nor do I feel it but it’s so awesome to hear the words and know that all of the good decisions that I’m making really are making a difference.

I also find it amazing that the job that I was so miserable at for such a long period of time has led to such great friendships and a really positive support system.  I honestly credit all my girls here for keeping me on track.  There’s definitely an accountability factor, not only to myself, but to the group. 

My whole outlook is so much more positive - on everything!  I am doing things for myself and losing the guilt of taking time away from my family which is actually making me a much more pleasant wife and mother and daughter and sister and friend.  Who woulda thunk it? 

I didn’t get to the kickboxing class yesterday - I think that back to back classes are beyond my abilities right now.  But that’s ok.  I may get there one day.  Tonight my husband is working late so it’s just me and the girls.  I am considering doing a class tonight and putting them in the daycare.  We’ll see how I feel as 7 rolls around, and also how they are since they are usually in bed by 7:30. 

Have a great Tuesday everyone!!

I was awful this weekend.  Really really really awful.  All of my flex points are gone and most of my AP’s (though I’ll start building those back up today).  But I had so much fun - I honestly think it was the best birthday weekend I’ve had in a ridiculously long time. 

I planned for it though so I’m not dissapointed in myself too much, and I know that it’s only 1 week even if I do go up in the end!

However, I am thinking about doing the kickboxing class prior to my Zumba class tonight for the extra kick in the butt.  We’ll see how that goes!

My new gym offers a Total Body 30 minute workout at 6am on Mondays and Wednesdays.  So last night I decided that I was going to do the class today. 

Before I go any further, one thing you need to know about me is that I am NOT a morning person by any stretch of the imagination.  I have to leave for work at 7:30 and am notorious for not waking up until 7:15 and getting myself and the girls ready in a ridiculous 15 minutes.  Second thing of note is that my husband is not very supportive of my new changes.  Sometimes he pretends to be but he makes a lot of comments that shoot down my small victories - but I’m not letting it stop or bother me.

Ok, so back to the story!  Last night when DH was coming home from work he called me and I told him that I was thinking about taking this new class in the morning.  He said that he thought that was the type of class I should be taking.  So fast forward to my alarm going off at 5:30 this morning.  My evil inner voice says “I’m tired - I think I am going to stay in bed.”  Motivation says “Get your lazy ass out of bed.”  Evil says “no, really, I didn’t sleep well, I’m tired and I think I need to stay in bed where it’s warm.”  Motivation: “Get your ass out of bed you wimp!”  Evil - turns off the alarm after the 2nd snooze and listens to DH snore  Motivation:  “He doesn’t think you will go…..  Do you want to prove him right?”

That was all it took.  Rolled out of bed.  Put on my gym clothes and got to the gym at 5:57.  At which point, I allowed a sadistic bastard of a personal trainer/instructor proceed to kick my ass for the next 35 minutes.

He also took time to tell me how good my squats and lunges were (Yay me!) and help me correct my positioning with some of the free weight work.  Then he waited after class to give me a high five and comment on how hard I worked during the class.  So I’ll be back next Wednesday - I don’t need much just some stroking now and then LOL. 

Then tonight I did my regular Wednesday night Zumba.  My muscles are screaming and I think I’ll be crawling through my day tomorrow but it was so worth it!! 

More later!!

Here I am in week 6 of my 52 week plan.  I lost only .4 last week, but again it was a loss and that’s all that matters.  I am still taking my Zumba classes and loving them.  I’m up to 2 times a week, and did an additional class yesterday.  It’s a lot of fun and keeps me interested.  It’s amazing how different different instructors are.  My friend and I went to a new instructor yesterday (new to us - not to the program) and it was amazing how much milder of a work out it seemed to be from my usual instructor (and her’s).  I guess I just lucked out finding the instructor that I use on the first try.

My birthday is this week.  I’m not one of those people who don’t like their birthdays - I love mine!  I celebrate it as much as I can for as long as I can :)  I’m like a really big kid.  My husband doesn’t share my love of birthdays - he thinks that they are overrated.  But that’s ok, I celebrate enough for both of us!!  But, in honor of the festivities I am trying very hard to behave until the weekend so that I can actually post a loss this week too.  Let’s hope for big numbers this week ladies to keep me motivated to be good at my party this weekend.

Oh, and if anyone can think of a points-friendly trifle bowl dessert please let me know!!   I am looking for a death by chocolate type dessert. 

EDIT**

I think I figured out my dessert!!!  Sugar free chocolate pudding; crushed WW Chocolate Mint mini bars and Cool whip!!  I am so excited that I came up with this idea and hope that it will be as good as it sounds!  I’ll still welcome other ideas though if anyone has some!

4.2lbs down this week!   And, no exercise becasue I was sick….  I’m so frustrated trying to figure all of this stuff out!  But I am thrilled with my loss this week.  This brings my 4 week total to 10.8 lbs.  Not too shabby.

My WW leader singled me out during the meeting yesterday.  It was a bit embarassing - I hate to be singled out.  And, since it’s WW at work all day long I kept running into people from the meeting offering additional congratulations and the like.  And, I know it’s a good thing but that little voice in the back of my head keeps saying “you know you’re not going to keep this up.  What are all these people going to say when you go back to doing what you always do?”

I’m working on shutting that voice up.  But she still creeps in there during my own weak moments.