Posted on September 11th, 2009 by findingeuphoria
it’s been a long time since i have posted any thoughts, feelings or weight stuff. everything has been put ‘on hold’. i’m not gonna go into it, but the whole ‘mom thing’ has gotten worse. both her health, mind and attitude. there is another family member that has serious health issues at the moment and there is a lot of focus from everyone there, also.
i’m not so much depressed as i am numb. there are times when i want to eat a lot and other times i have to be reminded by my growling stomach to eat. same pattern goes for smoking and drinking. i do then i don’t. i’m really trying to get into exercise. even if it’s a walk on the treadmill for 10 minutes. but life and it’s effects continually gets in my way.
life stress and economical stress are taking a toll on my body. aches and pains are popping up all over. i’m always hurting. i try to get out with friends from time to time which adds a stress on my pocketbook. i have a friend that i’m doing a charcoal portrait for as soon as i get with him to get the pick and give him a price. this will help. and i’m trying to find other people who would like and can pay for portraits since that’s the only other thing i can do at the moment.
anyway, just some random thoughts and complaints so that i don’t get on my friends nerves anymore about the same ole’ shit.
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Posted on July 26th, 2009 by findingeuphoria
i feel kinda calm and relaxed at the moment. it’s because i moved some furniture around in my computer room while cleaning so it feels new and fresh. i would love to go through my whole house and move things and trash the crap laying all over the place. there is little storage in this house and it looks cluttered. granted, there is a lot of stuff that i really don’t know why i’m hanging onto it. and a lot of stuff that i keep meaning to get to.
anyway, i’ve been feeling overwhelmed again. more so than usual. let’s recap:
- job stress
- mom stress
- economic/financial stress
- worry about the future and what i’ll be doing for a career-do i continue in my field which means i will HAVE to get a bachelor’s OR focus on learning something new and different which i actually love
- trying to lose weight and eat right
- trying to quit smoking
- need to start exercising
- trying to read 3-4 books at the same time, some instructional some fiction
- trying to save money for house repairs
and the daily stress that comes and goes on top of this…haha! i keep hoping for a bread-down so someone else can worry and take care of me. and yes, this is all about me, because there is only me. i don’t have a ’significant other’. i have friends, but some have kids (which is hard to plan around) and others are very busy with their own lives. so lets add lonely on top of it all. jeez. sometimes i think all of it would be easier if i had that ’special someone’ in my life. but i guess it could be another problem.
i know, i’m whining. i should think about the things i have. a job, a house, all my bills are up to date, i’m alive…things like that. but when do i get ahead so i can relax? how long do i take care of my mom? (she doesn’t live with me cause one of us would be dead by now…(humor about our bad relationship) when the hell does ‘happy’ come into my life. what do i have to do to find it? i can’t turn my back on all i have to do, but how do i make time for me?
i dunno. i guess i’m just venting or making mental notes physical so i can sort through them. i know i’m not special by any means in the stress department. others have way worse problems than me. but i’ve been going through this for a while and i’m ready for a change. soooo ready. i guess it’s up to me and i have to decide how sick i am of my current situation to make that change. i need a plan, not excuses.
i think i’ll go clean some more. for now, that makes me happy.
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Posted on July 13th, 2009 by findingeuphoria
i’m really wanting to munch on something…ugh! I’ve done good today and I’m happy about it. i know if i eat something, i’ll be disappointed in myself in the morning. i still have points to spare and can have something. but if i try to hold off, i may eat more than intended so i’m wondering if i should just eat something now so i don’t go nuts later or bite the bullet. i’m on day 2 of my food plan so i don’t want to be too strict on myself and end up giving up, but i don’t want to…go nuts!
breakfast - broccoli & egg ‘muffins’ - 4
lunch - pepper steak - 5.5, tomato pasta salad - 2.5
dinner - romaine salad: salad toppers - 3, boiled egg - 2, tomato - 0, dressing - 4
snack - slice wheat bread - 1, 2 Tbs hummus - 2
The dressing was a regular fat peppercorn asiago. delicious but too high in points and i even watered it down so i could use less than a regular serving.
i think i know why i’m freakin… my neighbors (new renters who are fairly quiet) have a radio on outside on the back porch and it’s facing my house, so all i hear is the bass and it’s getting on my nerves which is making me want to eat!
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Posted on July 12th, 2009 by findingeuphoria
at the moment, i’m not going to be too strict as far as ww pts go. i know my number and i will use it to keep me in check. walk first, then run…
breakfast - broccoli and egg ‘muffins’ - 6
snack - 1 slice wheat bread, 2 Tbs RRP hummus - 3
dinner - pepper steak, tomato pasta salad - 8
there was a large gap between my snack and dinner, but i ate dinner slowly and was full when i finished.
yay me!
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