equinox
October 1st, 2008
I’m only a week late with this one. I bought myself this lovely hydrangea as an equinox present last week. It’s living in my kitchen, and I feel cheerful every time I look at it. The colours are pretty and it reminds me that Christmas is coming and thinking about the equinox and the changing of the seasons also helps to keep me in mind with the changes going on inside me.
I went to see the surgeon today. He really didn’t want to look at my wounds, which have pretty much healed up now, thanks to the good work of the nurses at my local medical centre. They were all happy at the obesity centre to see how much weight I’ve already lost. I am happy too. Do you know, it really isn’t my imagination – my work pants are somewhat baggy around the thighs, and I am doing my bras up on the second set of hooks, not on the last set. Small changes but important. I have lost more than 7 kgs (nearly 16lbs) since my original weight. I’ve been blaming illness, the operation, whatever, but the fact is, that weight is now gone. It will never ever ever come back.
Surgeon gave me my first injection today. I was a little scared. Being a totally average, normal kind of person, I do not like getting needles stuck into me. They cause pain and pain is my worst thing. He warned me that it would be a bit of a scratchy feeling, and that’s all it was, really. Once the needle was in, he injected me with my first 1ml of saline, making the band a little tighter and my tummy a little less empty feeling. Gotta love it!
I often think what it must be like for Surgeon. He sees these women (mostly women) come waddling into his groups and meeting him for the first time. He sees their bodies changing, becoming something else. He has seen this magic and knows that he is the one who made it happen.
I’ve been hearing some more interesting news about gastric banding lately, and one is its association with mood changes. Apparently people who’ve had gastric banding are less depressed, and fewer of them are needing treatment for depression. At present I am still taking 1/2 a sertraline (think Zoloft) tablet a day but GP is hoping that I can go off them soon. It would be a very nice Christmas present. After that, I just want a new thyroid gland, and then I won’t need any medications at all. How nice.
Sometimes, when I’m walking around the shops or just looking at the women waiting for their cinema tickets, I wonder who I’ll turn into. A few weeks ago I was reading an article in the Sunday paper and it was by a photographer who puts people into “tribes”. Fat blokes with 5 o’clock shadows, wearing baggy t-shirts with funny comments on them and big, baggy shorts. Women with coloured hair who wear big jackets and chunky jewellery and carry neat purses. He’d taken lots of shots and matched the people into groups. Not a plan, but just the way we see ourselves.
At present I am definitely of the Invisible Fat Lady group. I wear a lot of dark colours (because darlinks, black is so slimming), I LIVE in stretchy pants, I don’t wear makeup. Generally my brightest thing will be some sort of accessory: I have pink Converse shoes with dots (love those shoes) I have a big bag with orange paeonies printed on it, I wear hot pink crocs, sometimes I bleach my hair, or shave it all off.
Just don’t look at the body.
But what will I turn into?
I kind of like the idea of Funky. Stripey leggings and cute dress tops with lacy bits. Hair dyed in 4 different shades and a bag with everything in it (well, some things don’t change).
The magic of this metamorphosis. I will be whatever I choose.
October 1st, 2008 at 9:52 pm
YOu totally described my mom “Women with coloured hair who wear big jackets and chunky jewellery and carry neat purses” I wonder what happened in my case?!
Glad to hear your surgeon felt everything was going well. And 16lbs!! THAT’S GREAT! No matter how or why it came off — it’s off!!
October 1st, 2008 at 10:16 pm
Ahh, feathers! You have totally brightened my day with this. I love that your mind if full of images of who you are becoming. I love that we are capable of changing ourselves and gaining confidence to be ourselves in the process. Your after pics are going to totally rock. I can’t wait!
I was a card carrying member of the invisible fat lady group.
October 2nd, 2008 at 9:00 am
You are so cool! Did I read that right? You’ve shaved your head before!? Jeeze and I think I get a little wild plastering on bold red streaks every so often. I can tell ya right now that I’m rubbing my head and it feels unnaturally lumpy. Like an alien head. Maybe I could wrap it in tin foil and flag down the mother ship tonight!
along with that last pair of stretchy pants you’ll be holding up next to a trim and healthy you! Now THAT I’d like to see!
Back to you and your metamorphosis. I’m intrigued by it all and beyond excited for you! I hope you are taking photos and measurements. You may wish you had done this by the end of your journey.Keep ‘em for yourself, share them, or burn them if you want
getupnow is itching for a good old ‘fat pants’ burning. We could have one heck of a smudge!
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:14 am
OMG! 16 pounds! This is really happening for you & I’m so happy.
I can’t wait to see the type of person you turn into too!
So I see periwinkle is planning an international pants burning party? Sounds like your contribution to the bonfire is right around the corner!
Congrats!
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:18 pm
What a great post. Your attitude is lovely. I am so happy for what you are becoming, whatever it may be. Might I suggest one of the “ladies with chic bobs, hoop earrings, tall shoes and dangerously plunging necklines”? One of my favorite tribes : )
October 4th, 2008 at 3:03 am
You’re so right, Ms. Feathers, you can be whoever you choose to be. I’m sure it’ll be an interesting choice! No invisible lady for you!
Everything sounds like it’s going perfectly and I’m so glad the injection turned out to be less traumatic than you feared. I agree about all those pics and measurements and weight tables during the journey. You’ll probably want to look back at some point and examine the entire process!
October 5th, 2008 at 12:07 am
Wow! I thought I was in Candy Land when I saw that first picture. They look like popcorn trees! They are lovely. I never saw white ones with such, well, POP!
You sound like you are at peace with yourself. I’m so happy for you. Now you have a future you can look forward to with no stressing about your weight as being hopeless.
Go Feathers!
October 5th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
You’re right ms. feathers - you can transform yourself into whatever you want - especially when you are void of the hideous baggage of fat. You’ll be shedding your fat coat and what will emerge?
Something wonderful, wise and whacky!
Can’t wait!
xoxoxo
October 7th, 2008 at 10:11 am
16 pounds, that is just awesome! Congratulations! Isn’t it neat that you can use your physical transformation to “redefine” yourself in any way you want. I love the whole idea, like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon!
October 13th, 2008 at 12:12 am
It’s been a couple of weeks. Can’t wait to hear your latest update!