Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’m amazingly beautiful or the most kindhearted person in the world, but I don’t “hate” myself either. I do love that I love whole-heartedly; I do love my smile; I do love my hair (at times); I do love that I always want to be better than I am; I do love that I am a kind person. That was important for me to say because I get down on myself so hard and so often that I need to reinforce some of my more positve attributes before I get this rolling. That said, I do want to love more about myself. I want to feel like I am more that my jiggly thighs, my wobbly arms, and my gooshy tummy. I want to feel and truly believe that I am worth putting in a little more effort when I get ready. See, I used to get dolled up all the time. Now, since I’ve hit this high (or low?) with my weight, I MUCH rather wear sweats, yoga pants, baggy t-shirts and sweatshirts. I was NEVER one of those girls, and here I am. But, this past Saturday, I put a little more effort into my hair, makeup, clothes, and jewelry .. nothing fancy, still casual, but I felt so much better about myself all night! I also noticed silly things … like perfume can make a positive influence on my attitude towards myself! If I smell pretty, I must look pretty, right? It’s the little things that make the difference. So, I have a plan. And I really am aware of how rediculous this seems and sounds, but since I’m writing this mainly for myself and to get my thoughts out there (Thank you to whoever really is reading! :)), I’m just going ahead with this. My plan is to put more effort into my appearance. I sometimes think, even though I’m very happily married to a wonderful man, would I want to run into that one ex -bf looking like I have been lately? NO! I’d want my hair to be pretty and not just up in its usual ponytail slicked back looking like I just worked out … when I really didn’t! I’d want my make-up to be flattering and my lips to be shiny. I’d want a tan! I’d want my nails to be taken care of, whether painted or just looking cared for. I’d want to be dressed cute and not just in my usual yoga pants & baggy man sweatshirt! So, my plan is to make sure I put the effort in with these things … and I’m not talking becoming vain & spending hours in front of the mirror, but just a little more than I’m doing now wouldn’t kill me! From now on, I will be painting my nails & keeping them short & neat looking. I think it’d be good for my self image to put a little fake tanner lotion on and to take the extra 15 minutes it takes to blowdry and fix my hair. I do know the reason for my lack of effort with my outfits is because of my extra weight. Nothing fits right and I just cannot spend the money on new clothes for my size as is, but I can at least take advantage of things that do fit right and wear that or if nothing “cute” fits right now, use it as inspiration to keep working at losing weight and getting fit. I really do think these things will help me, because I do need to believe I’m worth looking put together and taken care of. I’m embarrassed of how I’ve been presenting myself lately. I’m worth it :). So, tomorrow, even though I can dress very casually for work, I will make sure it’s a little more “cute” than “sloppy” casual!
On a more unrelated topic, I’m getting back into zumba tonight! I used to love going with friends and then we all just stopped I guess! But, we are going back tonight and I’m excited. I had planned on doing a dvd workout, but this will definatley take the cake over that! I’ll probably be dying half-way through, but that’s good! I need a starting place. And tomorrow a.m. I’m waking up early before work to get in a workout! Yay
Filed under: self esteem on April 17th, 2012