Teach a girl to fish…

But that was yesterday. So I guess I should get over it. Why did I even post that. No clue… my brain is fried today.

Its my gramps birthday today. 1st one without Grandma.  I had planned on asking if I could plan my wedding (if I’m ever proposed to JEFF!) to be held on her birthday next year.  May try to talk about it at dinner. We will see.

I ate well today. I mean, Well, I ate today.  Lunch was doritos and quacamole with applepie and icecream as the chaser. Dang this heart burn. I dont get it.

Gonna have to delay workout to tomorrow.  DSS has to have surgery on arm tomorrow.  Stress is readily available for the taking, but I’m not buying. Gonna keep my cool and leave the drama for another day. Stuff happens and this is a life thing that too shall pass. I am glad Boblain is of that thought too.  Okay blog world, I’m out. See ya next round (tomorrow?)

Okay that second one worked, the 3rd time I read it!  Things never slow down do they?  Tomorrow is Monday. Tomorrow is my new day.  I have to get back in the game.  Talk of marriage is in the air.  NO FORMAL PROPOAL, but we are looking at early June of 2010.  I HAVE GOT TO START NOW!

Found what looks to be a great little exercise routine in a fitness mag. I think I will start it tomorrow. Tonight I am going to reread my blog, regroup, and get myself mentally equiped to change my world.

Boblian is at the ER right now with youngest stepson.  He hurt (broke?) his arm messing around on my exercise ball just minutes before we were leaving  to drop all the kids off.  So I ended up with a quite house, that’s clean suprising, and the perfect setting to get myself motivated.  May start a new tab on my blog, who knows!

Alrightly. Gonna go check a few things out. Will be back later!

fatsomemore.  Fatnomo is hardy how my life has been going.  I am out of control.  I ate everything I could this weekend and then more when no one was looking.  I feel like you would  expect that I feel; bloated, uncomfortable, tired, achy, and genuinely overweight.  I bore myself saying “I’ll start tomorrow” and then diving into the first plate of mexican food offered to me.   But I suppose I will start tomorrow.  I have some fish cooked. Gonna go steam some rice.  I have a huge salad made already. Watermelon cut up.  So why the ice cream and chocolate cupcakes?  Why… because they are here.  It was a kid weekend.  We kinda inadvertantly celebrated the coming of the school year and mourned the end of summer.   But theres never really a season that stops when you grow up, is there? There’s never a hey its the first day of “Kris” you know, days when you can count on the thighs to shrink, and the stomach to flatten, and the floppy wing things that have developed between your elbows and armpits to disappear.   When is my season? And not even just for health… what about a quiet week to read a whole book?  How about one whole paycheck to myself, or a perfectly clean house, 1 month.   When does that season start?   I know its up to me.  I know I get the same 24 hours as everyone else. But my mind doesnt stop, ever.  My body can do anything because my mind thinks I am constantly exhausted.  Mind over matter may have worked years ago, but now….. it just all I can do to get up in the morning, go to work, be productive, and come home.  I want more out of me.   I need to find ways to turn those moments into me moments I guess…. ugh… I am rambling. I am going to shower and going to bed for a full 8 hours sleep.   Good night blog land.

Okay, so I promised I would do it. I have “been” here everyday, I just haven’t posted every day.  I am making a tiny bit of progress, but nothing to write home aboutyet.  This weeks wight so far….

M = 210   T=211  W=209.8  TH=209.4

Don’t even ask me how in Hades I got back over 210.  Its ridiculous bouts of stress and throwing caution to the wind… sadly… I dont even remember what I ate. I know it was a lot. But you would think to climb 15 lbs from my low weight this year would be just self inflicted pudge chasing.  I don’t get it.  My energy sucks, my feet, hurt, I have constant indigestion….  yet I slurp down cup o noodles as I type.  Good one moron

But, I did prep good eats for tonight.  I avoided Taco Bell yesterday but then Devil man Boblian made me go to Farmer Boy and I got a milk shake.  One day at a time huh?

Oh… and I started drinking water again.  Ok better than a week ago, but gotta keep building up steam.  I need to be walking the dog, doing some push ups, and working my pillow soft abs.  Tonight I must do one of the three (at minimum) will report back!

Totally blew off my July journaling assignment. What the fluff?  I am on hold at the moment with the water company. Huge wild fire burned my entire property. House and barn were saved, however 4 fire truck being kept full by my garden hoses is going to play hell on my bill.   Not complaining, just thinking out loud.

Weighed in at my highest in 3 years today. 210 big ones.  This is not good.  I have eaten like I have the room to gain the weight.  My knees sound like pop rocks when I walk upstairs. I get winded just trying to hold my stomach in, and if I could get otter pops intravenously right now… I probably would.  Need to change my directions. SO…..

THE NEXT 5 MONTHS (AUG, SEPT, OCT, NOV, DEC>… YEP THAT’S 5) I WILL BE HERE.  I WILL DONE SOMETHING EVERY DAY TO MOVE TOWARDS HEALTH. 30 DAYS OF HABIT FORMING GOOD FOR ME THINGS.  TODAY I HAVE BLOGGED.  NOW DAILY… I WILL ADD TO IT AND STICK WITH IT.

So, on one of the threads I follow I posted about my current job prospecting and how if I can get my foot in the door, I can prove my work ethic.  I remember feeling like my work life is the only place I can prove myself.  What about my work ethic on “me” assignments.  Where the heck is that at?  And the work ethic on the get outta debt assignments?  Ugh Charlie Brown!   I need, yet another, regroup.  To though, I blogged!  Score 1 for me.

The 1st six of 2009 have proven to be total chaos. I turned 38 yesterday and am hereby vowing to make my 39th year the best yet health wise. Today I have a house full of kids, and a gaggle of crap to get through in my brain.  But this is it, my new leaf.   A day at a time. A pound a time (when was the last time losing just 1 was good enough?  Gotta retrain my brain to think in small pieces.)

I have figured out that no matter what a sundress looks like in the catalog or on the internet, it will not make you look like the chick wearing it.  Clothing + my body still look like my body stuff into something too young, too tight, too frumpy, too old.  I need to shed a layer or five and then play dressup.  Gotta do work people. This bod has seen better days, but not its best days.

My Goal for July is journaling. Daily.  But only after at least 20 minutes of exercise.  I will use my treadmill time to think about what I want to write, or to remember to breathe, which ever comes to mind first.

Promised I’d get here. Really wanna go catch up on all my girls blogs… but my eyes are ready to slam shut.  Quick update.

Scale down 2# from yesterday. eh?

Ate POP today.  No exercise since I worked 12 hours.  Not looking forward to getting outta bed tomorrow morning.  Just want to melt away from the world….. just escape a minute.

Maybe this weekend. For now. off to read a minute, and update my calorie journal. Hope everyone is well!  About to go find out.

to get here and write something?  I have the same number of hours as everyone else.   I dont get it.

I walked today, almost an hour.  I need to get at it 5 times this week.

Next week, I am going to put weights back in to the routine.  I have to in order to speed the process.  This is getting ridiculous.

On the not weight loss front, cuts still loom at work. Being the chairperson for the unrepresented Management Group is a draining job.  I just want to get back in that groove where I have a plan, give the priorities the most of my time, and can see and feel progress.  So much chaos in my 9 hour work days drains me for any true interaction at home.  Possibly even leaves me blaming my lack luster feeling on a non effort making boyfriend.  Must step back clear head and never give up.  Headed to find some 5Lb reward pictures.   Will check back tomorrow FOR SURE!!!

A Wii Fit!  I bought it last October (don’t start with me) and haven’t had time (you know theres only like 5,040 hours in seven months) to open it.  Nope, hadn’t even broken the seal on the box.  It was very effectively hidden under the kid’s tv entertainment center.  I was gonna get to it.  Even excited about using it the couple of times it crossed my mind….. then….

I call Boblian this morning (who is at home, not working a the moment) and he’s “stepping”. What?  He’s huffing and puffing in the phone!  Is he “stepping” out on me?!?!?  Is he stepping on grapes?  Is he stepping up and down the four front porch steps… nope.  He’s been working out for an hour on the Wii fit!!!!! Trader!  Didn’t he know I was just about to bust it out!  Crap! Damn! I wanted to be the first, I just needed one more day.  I have even been playing this “conversation” in my head about ” Sorry Boblian, I’m tired of waiting for you to exercise with me so I started (fill in here)”.  Possible answers: Wii Fitting, going to the gym, walking at lunch, eating right, jogging on my breaks, lifting weights, drinking water, yoga, putting the pizza down… whatever…  SOMETHING!   He beat me to it. Ewwww… I am sooo… embarassedly mad!  I guess its game on.  Turkey!

That’s it!  I’m off to drink some water, take my vitamins and seethe from my workdesk. Just wait till I get home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I cant believe I haven’t posted a real blog post in almost two months.  Not surprising considering my world, however still no excuse to not be here.   I haven’t done probably 1 hour of “intentional” exercise in the last 6 weeks.  The 1 hour I did was fantastic.  Why doesnt it compute?  I have got to pull it together.

So big vacation is over.  I sported the bikini although I had zero business wearing it.  When its 115, you cant get naked enough or wet enough to make it the heat go away.  Thats all behind me though.  Okay… soooooo

FOCUS:

Commitments for 5/27 through 5/31:

• Eat what I have prepared
• Track my calories
• 30minutes minimum per day
• 64 OZ water per day
• Vitamins everyday
• Get here daily for the Best/Worst of the Day

Not gonna get crazy. Just gonna do what I have to do.  Headed for 8 hours sleep now.  Be back tomorrow.

STARTING WEIGHT: 205…. urgh!