Teach a girl to fish…

ahhhh.  I made it out of bed in time to steal some quiet before the kids are up.  I have coffee brewing and got through my first full day of cold turkey no smoking.  It wasn’t that bad. There were DEFINITELY moments and I not so nieve to think I’m out of the clear.  I just know I got one down.

183 days (26weeks +1 day) until the 40th. I was thinking one habit a week would be put in place and was going to include “exercise” type stuff to sneak up on it.  Now I am thinking my habits should be anything but the exercise part, as it need to get going faster. So I will do 15minutes of some type of exercise today.  My habits for January will be:

• Jan1thru 7 vitamins/food journal
• Jan 8 thru 14  64 4oz water minimum
• Jan 15 thru 21 In bed by 9:30
• Jan 22 thru 28  Me Time 15 minutes a day!

I am no longer paying for the gym, although I should be.  Lost my ATM card that the dues were tied to automatically deduct from my account.  When I had the card replaced, the number was different.  I haven’t been to the gym in 3 months so I’m sure they just think I flaked.  I gues I should let them know.   In an effort to save money I will not renew. I have a treadmill, eleventy billion NEW workout tapes, and a gaggle of weights, bands, balls and whatnots to “sculpt the perfect body”. Ahem.

On another note, I am fully stressed out about our finances.  We spent too much, no secret, so we have a plan to get that under control. However, the home business has got to get its footing again because I cannot continue to subsidize it with money from job.  I love my husband, but something has to give.  I am trying not to let it get into a frenzy, and I trust the Lord will walk us through it.  I just hope I can keep my mouth shut and my sharp tongue to myself as we traverse what is certain to be a tight 3 to 4 months.  Fortunately, my job has changed and in doing so has kicked up the profit with potential for the ole salary to go up even more.  On the down side, I don’t realize the spoils of my hard earned cash cuz I’m busy carrying everyone else with it.   Okay, there…. I said it.  My apologies.

Alright, I’m off to take the strand of Christmas lights I forgot about down.  Hoping hubby’s request to go to church plays out today.  I need something positive shot back into my brain.

Its day 183 you know.  They are getting fewer every morning!

3:00pm update = I have created a chore list that puts my hubby on a 15 minute chore in reach room of our house monday through friday (except for the room I will be in). I am spending my 15 min daily in one room for a week - following the flylady program again.  Trying to keep myself occupied has been a test of my nerves, and may result in a ton of lists and over analyzed projects.   And constant gum chewing.

7:50ish pm… creeping up on 8pm which means 48 hours no smoking…. 2/3 of the way through the dreaded 3 day withdrawl.  I am exhausted. Ate everything I could think of before suddenly becoming a responsible person about my weight tomorrow.  The fact that I have not folded and went out for a pack of smokes is a huge victory alone though.  Tomorrow will be tough.  Monday back at work with a gaggle of projects on my plate, some due months ago.  But I will survive.  Off to get a full nights sleep…… nighter blogland.

I do believe I’ll be kicking its ass. Only 8.5 hours in… but I’m on the right track!

2:12pm…. oye… haven’t smoked, but eating like a mad woman.  Will go do some chores to stay busy and be back later.

So I had my LAST cigarette about an hour ago.  I miss it already, even though it pisses me off that small paper tube full of rat poison has the power to make me dress up like the Michelin man to stand out on my porch in freezing temperatures to draw in its wicked potion of smoke.  Hubby is done too (we’ll see how that goes).  I can’t let him be my excuse, or weak link.  Its time to grow up…. plus I may still have enough years left to not have my lips looking like a second butthole by the time I’m 50.  Instead I’ll sport cold sores from stress and wear them proudly!

I just updated my goals, not from last year, but from 2009.  Somewhere 2010 absolutely skipped my calendar.  I am feeling like this is it.  No more gambling with my health. I’m all in, and ready to call. We’ll almost. The thought of the dreadmill makes my feet hurt just looking at it. My carpeted floor makes for a treacherous turf when trying to manuver through Jillian Michaels workouts.  And the thought of getting up any earlier is only slightly less painful then thinking I have to exercise after work.  Yep, I’m pumped. But I am going to win this year! Watch me!

Off to get my first month or two of weekly habits lined out.  Crap… what day is it?  185 - shat!  I wish I weighed 185.  Okay, well - I will - right? I mean this is simply a one day at a time thing (you might try starting one Kris!) and I can do it.  Gonna sneak up on it and get it right this year.  Wishing you all the best, and a blessed New Year.  Here’s to a healthier one!

191 days until 40th.  Today is Christmas. Decided to give myself the gift of a little time to evaluate how to get my butt in gear and pull some pieces of my life back together.  I let the days run me lately, I don’t get to manage my time, I only react.  The fact that I have been majorly ill twice in the last 6 weeks is a huge red flag that I need to change.  So 3, no 4 elements that need addressing House Work, Work Work, Finances, Fun.  I have too much of the first 3 taking up my time, stressing me out.  And fun, nothing feels fun anymore. Everything feels like work.  Christmas felt like an appointment. Here at 1, there at 330, here at 645, there at 7, up at 5, kids home at 9.  Oye.  No wonder the last 24 hours have been exhausting.  Add me sick, hubby sick, and less that 4 hours sleep. Recipe for a blast, right? uh huh.

Okay - so Item 1 - House Work.  I need help.  I work long days. I am not the only one who lives here, full time or part time.  I am going to put a chore list together. I know it seems juevenile, but I think that if both hubby and I have one or two little chores a night/day that we do, then the house will come together. It may be slowly, but it will happen.  I am going to count on flylady.com to help.

Item 2 - Work work- I have a new job. Its interim now.  Its a ton of responsibility, and a paycheck that reflects that level of responsibility. The $ is very helpful, the extra stress is almost unmanagable.  I need to delegate some work.  I need to get my supervisors on the same page in terms of how they manage discipline in their divisions. I need to learn that I am not the one that needs to find the solutions to their problems, they need to come to me with solutions. One day at a time.  I need to plan down time to think and schedule.  I say ”yeah, I’ve got a minute” way too often.  I need to let other people handle their stuff.

Finances - ugh… this should be the easy one. Quit charging. Save first, manage the rest. Pick one system to budget.  I currently have a spread sheet, quicken, and…. oh I’m sure theres another one.  So committing to one by Jan 1st. Probably the spreadsheet.

Fun - -I miss fishing.  I can’t relax unless the house is at least presentable.  I am hardpressed to leave for a vacation if I know I am coming back to a dirty house.  I want the end of my vacation to be a vacation too. I also need to put priority on the “fun” part of life.  I tend to work now play later, and it turns into work now and then work some more.  I know I have to get a handle on this to keep my marriage strong, and to make time for me to get healthy - or even relax.  I know I need to get a handle on this to keep my sanity.  I am actually really looking forward to getting some down time outside of my house.  Gonna start maybe by planning some trips.  Then will worry about scheduling work around it.  Will start saving for it, and be sure that the house work doesnt make me deviate from enjoying it.

I think I’m off to plan January.  Baby steps, but determined steps.  2011 will bring new life….. much needed new life.  And maybe more than fit at 40, I will be fullfilled at 40.  

Off to explore some options - looking forward to pulling it together.

Merry Christmas

Well, I did it. Or didnt do it. I didnt smoke today.  I started out patched up, stayed patched up, and will pull the clear stinky panel of nicotine giving goodness off my arm just before bed. It wasn’t fun. I miss smoking (Hi, its only day one) but I know that in 2 weeks it will be better and in a month it will be old news.  Not that I won’t crave them and curse those around me who still smoke, but I will try to remember that quitting is all about me, done by me, and benefitting more than me. 

The dishes being done were a promise made that didn’t transpire.  Nothing major, just keep hoping some day it will promise and will happen.   In the mean time, I have been good about keepingn up with flylady.com missions.  My house is vacuumed, and I can sleep soundly tonight knowing I kept some promises to myself.  Tomorrow is a nother day to continue to be victorious towards my fit at 40 goal.  Not giving up. Not giving in. 

Almost 100 days since I was last here. I can’t freaking hear myself think, ever.  My house is a den of noise. My new job is a friggin circus ring and everyone wants to be the Ring Master.  My finances are better than ever and hubby’s, not so much, which means my new better income just compensates for the lack of wages on every other front.   I am tired, and am taking my life back right now.  This is destined to be a bitch session, but I gotta get it out.   Like purging before desert (but I’m never one to give back a meal!).

I am hard pressed to understand how my stepkids are glued to my ass while hubby sits around and watches football.  I am in desperate need of alone time which I can’t seem to get. Ever. Next weekend I may boycott all responsibility and just lay around. If the laundry finds a way to wash itself, so be it.  I wish I could pin point the frustration that creeps up in me now so much more frequently than it used to.  If I don’t soon, I may find myself in my car driving anywhere but here.  I guess I’m a little stressed, about it all… work, home, money, weight, smoking (or quitting), and the lack of overall help. So…. I gotta get focused…. 40 is sneaking up. I have missed my daily blog time to help keep me sane, but today is a new day.  I will be here, come hell or high water.

Tomorrow Laura and I quit smoking.  I am also taking on a new healthy habit a week to get myself feeling better, and to be in my best shape by 40.  The habit for 12/6/10 through 12/12/10 is to get the daily vitamins in me.   Two victories that have everything to do with me.  I ‘ll be back tomorrow with a full report of the day, and hopefully a better attitude. Bring it on 40.

Not quite sure where 362 thru 306 went. But I have 305 days until I’m forty.  So far in my year of a better me I have been to the gym a grand total of 6 times. I have been flipped off by hubbies ex for no reason (we haven’t ever exchanged words at all in the 3.5 years he and I have been together?) I have taken a 20+% cut at work.  And most recently have patched up for the last two days, each night to peel my nicotine fix off and light up. Must reassess path to health and keep my thoughts about the immaturity and pure evil of others to myself.  I could write a friggin book.

So, here I am DYING to unleash the hurricane of thoughts; things I’d say to employers and bird flipping babies, ideas about what I want to do on vacations, what I think should happen in kids lives, and style-size-color of boots I would like to firmly plant in the asses of people around me.  Instead, I will focus on the 3ft fire I should be lighting under my own arse… I digress….

Weighed in at 198.6 today. Actually did get back to the basics of my “bootcamp” diet, although not officially attending the class.  I am down 3.8lbs since Sunday.  Hit the gym Monday. Walked the dog Wednesday.  Been on the fence about rescuing a 2nd dog (he’s beautiful) but trying to be practical about costs, convenience and not signing up to be overwhelmed.  Still, I may see if he’s available tomorrow

I have a 4 day weekend this weekend.  Wanting to paint my kitchen cabinets.  Scared to start the project and wear myself out and then not finish (does this theme ring constant or what?). Want to go walk through model homes to steal ideas. This sounds much more relaxing but may make me want to set my house a’flame when I realize what I have settled for.  Will walk the dog, at least 2 days and hit the gym again. Its a kids free weekend but will keep extra pair of boots incase any one deserving of kicking crosses my path.  Going to bed now. tomorrow is a new day. will try to sleep off the funk I’m in.   See you blog world on day 304.

I waited too long to blog tonight.  Short snippets to remind me to elaborate tomorrow.

8 smokes today/ hit the gym back & biceps and 40 tread / bomb scare at work / painted toes

night blog world. be backtomorrow

I want to signal and change lanes, moving stragtegically into the healthy lane… not the too thin lane (like that’ll ever happen) but moving with traffic in the healthy lane. 39 years, at least 12 of them over the legal tow limit.   Problem is I am typing this with a cigarette in one hand and an extra piece of birthday cake in my belly.  I reek of smoke, my lungs sputter (can you hear me wheezing?) and my energy level is like 2 flat tires.  But I am determined to trade in this old ride for a new, more aerodynamic version of myself by the time I am 40.  That means, including today, I have 364 days to do it.  Yesterday was my 39th birthday. I epitomized the American dream yesterday. Over weight, overendulging, in debt up to my eyeballs with a new salary cut to reflect the current economy.  I am a mess.

DAY 1/364  At least I made it here.  I plan to count down, and reflect daily on my journey to what will be a Fit at 40 life.  I have four kids, a hubby, a dog and a slew of family counting on me to be around to share their successes and mock the wacky moments in our lives.  I will be pretty busy!

I am coming to terms with my spreadsheeting obsession and am going to try hard to not use it as my crutch to feel like I have accomplished things that are really only occuring on paper.  If I ACT on my plans, hell if I HAD ACTED on  my plans the last 3 years, I would be running marathons, growing a community garden, built the house of my dreams, and be debt free. Trust me, it all works on my spreadsheets. But the rubber meets the road by strapping my tennies on, not by determining how my mass decreases by loosing 2lbs a week for the next 8 years.  I have to act.

Instead what I have is true wealth in my life.  An adoring hubby who gives me his best even when he has had just as long a day as I have.  4 kids who all love and test me in different ways.  I have a wacky family and extended family that is happy to over fill my time with bbqs, roadtrips, vacations, swim sessions, birthdays, and mostly love.  And I am employed, a bit of a luxury round these parts since the housing market collapsed. Never realized what a butterfly effect that would have on hubbys work, my work, prospects for moving, and credit ratings.  No wonder I am eating myself silly.

So here’s my plan: KISS (Kris Isn’t Starving Stupid)

• Stick with 5 meals a day, smaller, protien at each, no complex carbs after lunch, whey shake after work outs
• Water - 64 or more.  No excuses, coffee does not count, get it done!
• Daily Vitamin
• Exercise: 3xWK Cardio for 30 minutes, 3xWK Strength - one challenge to completion (more on this later)
• Daily Blog check in.  Set aside 15 minutes and DO IT. GEEZ.

Thats it. The goal is a 1) Smoke-free, 2) 145lb, 3) toned and energetic woman turning 40 on July 4th 2011.  The date is gonna come.  The time is gonna pass whether I do anything or not…  so I’m signaling… and get ready ’cause I’m coming over into that lane.

Where to start.  Son turned 21 today.  He and hubby spent the day recouperating from the early celebration of it Saturday.  House still needs some clean up, but nothing major. And I should be packing my healthy food right now, but I am drained… and smoking.  So

Tomorrow I quit.  For good. Thats it. Buck up. Own it. Stop it. Save the cash. Save my lungs. Regain my energy. Find HEALTHY outside of food and exercise as a bonus.  Fight through the withdrawl. Try not to take it out on anyone. Start taking it one day at a time to be NOT-Smoking but hot.  39 is 20 days away.  23+ years of smoking is more than enough.   Ready to not smell. Ready to commit to something bigger then the rush right now.  No procrastinating because there will always be one more event to get through and I will never quit.  I have the power.  I have the reasons to stop.  Today, I am willing the motivation to change.

After this last one…. :0)      June 14th IS my quit day. Regardless of hubby’s choice to continue, or the “just oners” that offer them up out of courtesy.  Ugh…. I cant wait to be done with this.