Thinking that I need a do over. Smoked 4 smokes – 3 Friday – 1 just now. Feeling empty and affection starved. Just a moment in time. Things will get better. Wanting to see some spark in my family. Guessing the only person I need to concern myself with is me. Wish I felt like a bigger part of things around me. Gonna get myself back on track. Gonna take effort. Need to shake the tears that come from no where or everywhere lately. Just need some peace and to feel like I have a sense of my worth to others. Driving those around me crazy trying to find their approval with me. Not happy about it, but can’t stay in this emotional hole I’m in. Gotta find positive ways to pull myself out. Old habits and old insecurities are drowning me. Will spend some time shaking this unexplicable crap.
Tomorrow – healthy food and small victories. Work is draining me. I have to do it. Trying to keep everyone please with me is draining me. So little stuff tomorrow. Water. simple. Vitamins. Simple. Focus. Not simple but not impossible. Tonight will just close the doors on the things that feel yucky. Feelings aren’t facts. I’m sure I’ve lost sight of how others are feeling and have pity partied myself into this funk. So out I come. Be the best mom, step mom, wife, boss and friend I can. If it falls short of expectations, that’ll just have to be good enough while I climb out.
Off to shower, and rest and gear up for a brand new day tomorrow.