They finally broke me… March 19, 2009
my worthless workplace that is. I cried at work today… so not my style. I bust my virtual balls. Day in, day out, 10years plus, analyzing every move for political correctness, environmental appropriateness, regulatory compliance, societal acceptance, perception appropriateness, effectiveness, completeness, and general cover everyone else ass-ness. I’m effing tired. So when I say… I can’t get a minute to myself, I am not frickin exagerating. When the internet surfing, break taking, “oh my gosh I had to respond to something today” workers say they are waiting on me, F ’em. I am taking my lunch today. I am at my desk but I am taking a full hour, not answering one question from the outside, not picking up a phone, or even opening the door to my office for that matter, or helping, or smiling or acknowledging, or consoling, or mentalling massaging, or providing information to, or offer advice to ANY FLIPPING HUMAN IN THIS OFFICE! They can wait on me for real. While I take my break. and vent. I balance, monitor, cut and justify the 40 million dollar budget annually, while they pat themselves on the back for staff reports, research, analysis, and general schmoozing that I DO to get them their fancy pay checks. I am overwhelmed, overloaded, under-rested, and over it all together. My sex life is suffering. My blood work is stellar buy my ass is huge. My brain litterally shuts off at about 6pm every night and I quit processing anything. Simple sentences even. So I go home and veg out during the time I should be nuturing my home relationship. Poor Boblian, who is home all day on disability at the moment, wants to talk and share and go, go, go. I seriously would probably do well in an isolation cell. Im not even sure that I can keep a convincing “I’m paying attention” look on my face at home 1/2 the time. And it has nothing to do with with him. I cant believe I broke today. I’m pissed.
Gonna pretty straight forward like put the burden of the stuff dropped off my desk back in the hands of those avoiding their own work. Yeah, I am a Support position to the Executive team, but I have my own work too… .and the boys making twice what I do can learn to do their own freaking work.
Gonna go eat a whole bag of full fat popcorn and see what kind of screaming coupon deals I can find in the next 45 minutes. Sheesh.