Teach a girl to fish…

She’s a spreatsheet wizard,

There’s got to be a twist
A spreadsheet wizard
She’s got such a supple list

How do you think she does it?
(I don’t know)
What makes her track food?

She ain’t got Del Taco cravings
Can’t hear those buzzers and bells
Don’t see doughnuts as “Yummy”
Eats by sense of smell
Always gets her protein
Hopes the scale number falls
But that fat, plump and blonde girl
Sure eats a mean meatball….   dunnut dunt…  dunt t…  dah dah…..

(Sing to the tune of “Pinball Wizard” by the Who)  enjoy

My new theme song. I have wicked calorie counting spreadsheet that I am currently obessing about right now.  Why?  Cuz I’m down 2.2 lbs since I put it in place. 1st time in 7 weeks I have been UNDER my January 1 starting weight.  Go me!

The Devil Inside.  Appropriately enough that song is playing on the radio right now while I was looking up the calories for the lunch I ate today.  I am appalled. I thought I had chosen borderline crappy/wisely.  Why is it on day 2 of what everyone knows is your big on plan moment, someone invites you to lunch.  I was all prepared to eat what I knew should, and didn’t order what I drooled on on the menu.  I found something I thought would meet in the middle.  Maybe 900 cals? I thought.  Here it is…. from Chili’s

Looks good huh?  Mine only came with 2 tacos though  AND 1540 CALORIES, 76 GRAMS OF FAT, 4710 MILLIGRAMS OF SODIUM.  IS THAT EVEN EFFING LEGAL TO SERVE?  This plate from HELL is the Chicken Crisper Tacos. I am sick to death that I put that in my body.  I just treadmilled off 208 calories. it took 30 minutes.  I would have to treadmill for the next 3 hours to almost work this off. This meal alone puts me over my daily goal.  No wonder America is freaking obesanormous!   I am going to go throw a teeny tiny piece of fish on the grill and eat salad with a 1/2 a plain baked tater.  Shit.  Thats what I get for listening to the Devil Inside today.  If you see him, ignore him…. 

very large but no so in charge.  I have some serious control issues at work.  To sum it up, I often dont think that anyone can do things right, or ask the right questions, so I do everything myself.  The stress of “not letting go” resulted in 2 MAJOR headaches last week. The second of which landed me in the ER because it came on like now, and dropped me and made me ball like a sissy and press for hours on the right side of my head (cuz I was sure my skull was gonna blow out and my brains were going to leak out.  So a shot of demerol (sleepy time happy land medicine) and a CT scan proved only that I have no brain and I am dramatic -this is Boblian’s version of course). The Doc on the otherhand thinks I’m stressed. He ordered that I eat foot high filling oreo cookies for the next 3 weeks straight…. Hey… wait… that’s KT’s plan. (I just drooled right now).  Okay, so my RX was rest and don’t try to do it all.  The oreo cookie sound much more doable.

So - pay attention ladies - it is time. Time to get off my stressed out ass and buckle down.  Today I ate totally on plan. I did 30 minutes before work, and 30 minutes after on the tread mill.  I weighed in on Thursday at 203…. injury gain (boo hoo)… quit smoking gain (blah blah blah)…. winter blues weight (blubber blah booooo hiss).  What ever you call it, it needs to go away.  I have to be in a bikini on May 8th, on a boat, at the river.  My legs look like giant white cellulous fields.  My gut sticks out as far as my butt, sometimes I think I’m walking backwards.  My face. My poor fat face…… who ate me?  How fast do I have to run to lose me?  How hard to I have to watch my fork to make the food have less calories?  I am willing to find out the answers to these questions….  if anyone else is feeling the same, drop the excuses… drop kick the excuses no matter how many times you have to.  This is the week to start again. Today…. right now… start with a good nights sleep.  I dare you!

Rocks.  I am sitting here sipping from my favorite coffee cup that is all chipped on the bottom and stained on this inside. It adorns my all time favorite cartoon….

This is my life, my world, and pretty much sums up my attempt at weight loss so far this year. I am smart girl. And incredibly dedicated to my boyfriend, family, work, search for how to do things better-faster-different… but I’ll be darned if I can read the signs to get through the weight loss door.  I would love to sit here and drain my brain, but I may be driving to McDonalds momentarily to calm the craving beast. TOM is a nightmare. Its pouring rain outside, but it means the lines will be short :)  If I don’t make it back because I’m in a cheeseburger coma, I’ll catch ya’ll tomorrow…   Wish someone was here to forcefully make me Pull instead of Push….

45 minutes on treadmill…  food… uh.. not so hot.  Worked my arse off at work.  Feels good to have dinner down, shower done, exercise complete and know that I can do nothing else but go to bed tonight if I so choose.  Boblian is currently glued to the news watching a high speed chase.  2 of 3 kids are here tonight.  House is quiet, clean. Not quite sure what to do with myself.  will maybe go pick my work clothes for tomorrow (that seemed to save a gaggle of time this morning) and clean the cat box and maybe pay my bills.  Don’t be jealous… its such an ugly emotion :) 

Ahh… glad to have a working computer again.  Virus tore us a new one, had to reformat hard drive… and now life is back to normal.  Thank you Jesus! 

I had to come here for a self-talk.  I need to get back into my routine that I bailed on when my booty injury brought everything to a screeching halt.  My weight this morning was 202.6 (up 4.4 from 3 weeks ago). Thank you terrible food choices, no water intake, zero exercise, and TOM.  I look forward to losing those same damn pounds for the 15th time.  Hopefully it will be the last.

I have stuff to do before bed to be ready for an early rise, exercise, and work tomorrow.

1. Get out work out clothes
2. Get out WORK clothes
3. Make Coffee
4. Wash Face, brush teeth
5. Plug in phone
6. Charge Ipod
7. Pack Lunch
8. Plan Breakfast

Todo Stuff for tomorrow…

1. Re-read Goals
2. DO my Monday night banking
3. Log my exercise
4. Worky worky.

None of it sounds extra exciting.  It is going to be a few days to get back to the groove of having energy, and breaking a sweat.  NO EXCUSES.  Ugh….

Okay… last tushy headline… I promise.  Just got back from Superbowl game at BF’s brothers, and dropping off kids. Am pooped, but ready to start a new day tomorrow.  I think in hind sight, I have totally abused my injury time and taken advantage of feeling like crap as my moment to mow through anything resembling food.  I blame my 8 lb in 2 weeks weight gain soley on my inability to exercise. I see now that I am a moron.  I could have controlled myself and opted out.  Well, I will see what the scale reads tomorrow morning, and go from there.

My weekend was funky, and draining, and numb.  Revisited emotions from one of the items on my 2008 top 10 things that suck after a number appeared in the text messaging details of Boblians phone bill.  Anywho… that was like Thursday, then Friday was cleaning out my office and found some stuff I had written about how I felt about the same thing in 2008 when it originally surfaced (and obviously affected me enough to have me running to the store to empty my head out in journal format). Found myself awash in emotion again, reliving an epic “reactionary WTF?” and then ran full speed into “why should I deal with this” ultimately performing a  “I’m not gonna let it rent space in my head” dismount and sticking the landing at “this is not my problem”.  As I sit here tonight, my mood had improved (margaritas a happy girl make!) but even yesterday… when I was being grilled about my demeanor… I did not let it my mouth react.  I kept my brain and aching heart in check.

2/3/09…. so days (2 to be exact) have passed since I started writing this post.  Nasty computer virus really put a damper on my relax time.  I reread my stuff, and have decided I am going to be reasonable, not imagine the worst, but reserve the right to feel caca about things if I want.   Other than that, Boblian has been taking care of the house, work has been flying by since its budget prep time.  Looking forward to Friday off. Happy to report that my bum is feeling quite fine though, even if my head is full.

Gonna go wander the blogs…. maybe have 10 minutes to just check out.