Teach a girl to fish…

Oh I have gained 7 lbs in 10 days.  Inactivity, poor food choices and meds are lethal combo.  Not to mention the consipation monster is winning, winning, winning.  I had never taken vicodin before, now that I know its impact on my system, I may never take it again.  I never had to eat prunes, until I met Vicodin.  There are current two bags of the dried plum tasty treats chilling in fridge as we speek.

Joy… I am feeling much better… thank you!  Making Ibuprofin and ice packs (or ass packs as I lovingly refer to them) my main crutches in getting through sitting all day.  I did try to tread mill for 15 minutes last night and got through 12 and then ran straight to the ass pack.  I have come a long way though!

The winds are wild here tonight and I fully expect to wake up surrounded by little people, some one’s little black dog, and a floating orb.  If I make it back from the emerald city by tomorrow, I’ll check back in!

My ass is driving me nuts. Actually, I don’t have any nuts, but it feels like someone has strategically placed a golf ball at the bottom of my “Y”  you know  …. ( Y ) …. and relief only comes from writhing and twisting and the occasional uncontrollable flatulence that has built up unexpectedly from all the writhing and twisting.  Some how, on some planet, I am fairly sure this is a core workout. However if you are looking for an injury that will make you appear sexy and strong, I would skip anything with COCCYX in the title.

“Oops… sorry.. I farted.” I swear I feel like him lately.  Man… it hurts to laugh.

I did get to roam the blogs some tonight and I am pretty impressed with the fabulous results people are getting.  Not so excited about working my ass off to get there too though.  I am coming to terms with the fact that I may be in …. how you say… denial… about how fast change will come.  As a matter of fact, I rather prefer to wake up tomorrow 56 lbs lighter with my boobs back up towards my chest somewhere.  Where do I sign up for that?  Oye…..   I guess I should be patient, take the advice of those women who I have read have weighed 30 to 100 lbs more than me, and get my butt in gear when I can again.  For now, I’ll keep writhing and twisting…..  twisting and writhing and …Oops….

PLUS equals resulting in use of

And everything was going so well up to that point. This year started out stellar. I was hot on the exercise train, hot on the eating well train, had my goals spelled out and ready to be checked off steadily as I moved toward success. Then last Saturday, I decided to take pictures of the kids playing on our property. They were sliding down the grassy side of our very steep hill on plastic storage bin lids. I walked 1/2 way down the slope to take some pictures of them coming down. I lost my footing, landed on my rump, twice, rolled down the hill 8 feet and have not been able to sit down since. That’s 4.5 days of avoiding any ass-y pressure. I did cave and go to the ER on Sunday to learn that I had completely bruised my coccyx bone (tailbone) I believe the word CONTUSION was used. I do not wish this on anyone. But apparently I really like vicodin :0) I can start my 2009 lists…

Things that sucked

1. Butt Contusion

Things that rocked

1. Vicodin
2. Quartzsite

Oh thats right! We went to quartzsite a couple weekends ago. It was super hippy cool! Bought a turquoise and red coral ring (reminds me of Grams) and decided I am going to save up to buy a Zuni Needlepoint Turquoise cuff next year! Was a quick drive (3 hours) and was like a gianormous garage sale with the most ridiculous handmade indian jewelry you have ever seen!

What else… OH, KT ~ the barn project was mine and Boblians 1st MAJOR home improvement project together. I have a 20X30 2-story barn and we insulated, drywalled, painted, built and hung cabinets and put in track lighting in the bottom floor. Its fabulous! And we didn’t kill each other and I got to show HIM how to do the drywalling! Its kinda like our baby, and before we traded the bass boat (our real baby) we parked it in there…. like a nursery for a vehicle! Anywho… I was pretty proud of it. I’ll try to find some pictures.

Okay… my knees are raw from hunching over ottomans to use the computer. Thanks to all of ya for the sweet sweet sweet comments through my funky last month or so. Looking forward to a return to the laughter! Headed out to catch up on some reading (offline). Have a fabulous Thursday evening all!

Ahhh… finally a couple of minutes that I might actually be able to stay awake and process away the brain clog that has weighed heavy for soooo many weeks. Not quite sure what my obsessions with seeing this on screen, but I am doing this for me so who gives a crap.

2008 in Review~ as much as would love to wildly embellish each of these items and walk myself along the paths of all of their emotion again, I am chosing to simply give them a name, a quiet second for thought and then move on. I apologize in advance for boring myself or anyone else to death with this list.

THINGS THAT SUCKED IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER

1. Picking DS up from jail
2. $100 in a birthday card for my birthday
3. Inviting friends from a past life into the present through untruths (this one sticks in my craw)
4. Quitting Smoking
5. Grandma’s illness
6. Thanksgiving w/Grandma sick
7. Lack of tenderness
8. Not bass fishing
9. The price of gas
10. DS moving out

THINGS THAT ROCKED

1. Quitting Smoking
2. DS moving out (not just for my “quiet house” benefit, but mostly his opportunity to grow)
3. Suburban
4. Discovering my creativity
5. Macy’s shopping trips
6. Coming back to 3FC
7. The barn project
8. Havasu/Mohave/Laughlin Trips
9. 9/80’s woo hoo!
10. Dad and Em

Which brings me full circle. The last post about my grandma had me scared to death that I would “top myself” at her funeral (see Insomnia post 3rd paragraph). And so it came to pass. On December 29th, we gathered at the church. My step father did a great job of representing my family; very eloquent in verse. Then my grandmas niece (Lana) spoke recounting grandma being the favorite aunt and her stories of dancing and singing to Johnny Cash and other old school country music all the time. ~ sidebar: I had written something for my grandma a week before and had been steadily tweeking it to be just right, a true representation of us grandkids. As the day of the funeral approached I found myself burnt out in all the sadness and was thinking it best to just let the speech be something I kept in my heart. I was all cried out, and grandma knew I loved her. I didn’t have to prove it to anyone else. The day of the funeral arrived, and I stuffed the speech in my purse “just in case”….. ~ All in all, there are 8 grand kids and 2 great-grandkids. I had gathered info that none of the other grandkids were planning on speaking. PERFECT! I could bail out too, and not be a loser. Something happened though as Lana finished sharing. There was silence, no else moving, and something in me made me grab my speech and move methodically toward the mic. Now I had spent several days trying to cry with no real sobbing readily occurring. But now, I approached the front of the church filled with 100+ people, my nose began producing snot at an unprecedented rate, and my eyes filled up with tears to the point that I could not read verbatim from my letter. I spat out a few words, and sucked in some air, and formed another sentence and tried to delicately whisk away the snot and tears that were forming pools on my upper lip. And then it happened…… as I ran the side of my naked index finger under my nose, I tried to speak AND SNORTED THE BIGGEST SNORT EVER INTO THE MIC! The church roared. I snorted during my eulogy for my grandma. How do you recover from that. I’ll tell you how… you ask for a hanky…AND MOVE ON~! I continued to form my sentences in broken sobbing words and left the front of the church. My sister also spoke; flawless, from the heart, and snort-free. We were the only two of the grandkids to speak, and I am so glad we did…… So glad I did… Snort and all. The kicker ~ my grandma had nick-names for everything (used to call me Mickey because I’m the 1st grandkid, grandpa wanted a grandson, and my middle name is Michelle - Mickey it is) and her oxygen tank was…. you guess it… Snorty. So somehow, in the midst of tears that initially wouldn’t come easily, and in front of a sea of faces that I didn’t all necessarily recognize, my snort was quite appropriate. And to end that day, and in my mind the year, many people thanked me for being so true to form, so human, and so sincere in sharing my heart with them. Love you grandma….

ENTER 2009….. only 21 days in and it deserves a post of its own!

super crazy. Head is full. Clean out needed. Maybe tomorrow (sorry girls… things got nuts!) Hope everyone is well. Look forward to catching up here soonish!

Kris