Teach a girl to fish…

Welcome to “sin qua non” Tuesday.  According to Wikipedia It is a Latin legal term for “(a condition) without which it could not be” or “but for…” or “without which (there is) nothing.” It refers to an indispensable and essential action, condition, or ingredient. Essential action is required because without which, there is nothing.  Huh.   There are so many ways that lack of essential action has gotten my knickers in a twist and left me writhing and digging to dislodge them, to no avail.

Control in eating (sine qua non in weight loss land)

Consistent exercise plan (sine qua non in terms of health land)

Receiving attention outside the bedroom (sine qua non in bedroom land)

I may have completely butchered the meaning. I don’t care. It makes sense in my head, and I am on a poor me train so get on board  or get off my caboose and get the hell of the tracks.  I’m tired of - chasing the scale number, chasing Boblian for tenderness, chasing the dream of a house with a fenced yard, a pay check that just covers it, a vacation that actually lets me rest, a day free of the interruptions from someone else’s exes, a night free of getting up to pee 3 times, a work day where the last hour doesn’t feel like four hours, a perfect pair of pillows that are not too soft and not too firm. I’m tired of not feeling appreciated  by myself.  I’m tired of conversations in my head that start with “you used to…” whether I am talking to myself or someone else. I want to wake up tomorrow and have $ in the bank, the scale say 180 anything, have slept through and entire 8 hour period and know that I am on 3 week vacation.   I’m exhausted. I am unimpressed with my life or anyone in it.  I may need a break…  for without which (a break), there is nothing. Sine Qua Non.

Now that I’m done whining I will say that I feel better.  I think I keep waiting for the magical AHA moment at home.  I have moments where I get that knot in my throat of having to end a relationship. Because without what I need from it, there is nothing (for me anyway ~ for everyone else it’s a double bonus). Sad thing is, its not even a bad relationship , but its not meeting my needs and I have TR IED for MONTHS to get some acknowledgement that I might have needs. Ugh… I am babbling and eating unhealthy amounts of sugarfree jolly ranchers.  I think I just need a good treadmill session tonight, and for Michelle to win the biggest loser.  Thats my plan….   Hopefully that will get me outta the funk.  I feel like freaking Debbie Downer…. Waaat Waaat Waaaaah…..